For several months you've been calling the little creature growing inside of you Petunia, then the big day comes, baby pops out, and she looks decidedly like a Jill. But, you've had your heart set on Petunia, and Petunia she shall be. But it never feels right, and you start to wonder: Is it OK to change your baby's name?It happened to mom Lena Corner, who changed her son's name from Ralph to Huxley at the age of six months. (Although we aren't sure the new name will help her with her concern that his name sounded too "hoity-toity.")
It's called baby-name remorse, and 10 percent of women who participated in a survey by babycenter.com admitted to pangs of regret about their child's name. Pangs big enough to make them consider changing it. (Meg Ryan did it, telling Oprah that her adopted daughter Charlotte was more of a Daisy.)
Look, changing your infant's name to get better Google results or save her from being "Ashley Number 4" throughout all of grade school doesn't seem like that big a deal. After all, she's too young to remember. But how old does a child have to be before the name-switch gets ridiculous?
Comments:
Add a comment
Wednesday 16 September
By Kat
Mostly this comes from the government requiring parents to name their kids before they take them home from the hospital. If parents were allowed to mull over the choice more carefully, then there would be less 'buyers' remorse'. I worked in China as a kindergarten teacher and several of my students didn't have a name by age 4. In China, some parents (not all by any means) simply call their kids "baby" until their personalities develop.
So basically, I think the issue at hand in this article is merely a cultural one. Changing your child's name when s/he is an infant won't fundamentally harm their sense of identity.
Reply
Thursday 24 September
By Holly
Wow, Kat. Interesting perspective.
My mom was trying to leave the hospital with me when the nurses informed her that she had to give me a name before she could leave.
All she could see was "Heather" when she looked at me, which is my sister's name. She said I didn't look like my sister, I just looked like a Heather.
So, she sat in the hospital hallway with a book they offered flipping through the pages until she found Holly. Both H names, and apparently Holly is a tree, Heather is a bush. Had my mother been given more time to debate my name, I might not accuse my parents of being potheads for naming their children after shrubary...
I can understand the legal need for names, but name changes should be legally easier within the first, say, full year.
Reply
Thursday 11 February
By Kara
"Buyers remorse", "naming remorse" , whatever you wanna call it, is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. Can't you just be happy with your healthy baby without mulling over the name?
Reply
Friday 12 February
By Retha
I was named after both my grandmothers and have always felt that my names don't fit my personality. But since I love tradition, my husband and I named our son after our grandfathers - more than 10 years before he was born, while we were still dating. Then it looked like we'd never have a baby to name at all. But 8 years of infertility never changed my mind about a name. Luckily my son loves his name, and has even given goldfish and stuffed animals his name. We also found out after he was born that my son's middle name has been give to one boy in every generation of my husband's family for 8 generations in a row, over 200 years!. Not only did I not have namer's remorse, I was profoundly thankful that we gave him that name!
Reply
Saturday 13 February
By Tony
I got my 1st name from my father's confirmation name; and my middle name is my mom's step dad's middle name. I love my 1st name but hate my father. I hate my middle name but love my grandpa.
My wife is pregnant with our 1st child, due in early July. I have wanted a boy my whole life, and for the same amount of time, I told myself that my 1st son was going to be Tony Jr.
My wife loves the idea, and she says if we have a girl she wants to name her Anna Elizabeth. I'm not too fond of Anna and I have an ex-girlfriend named Liz, so I didn't like that at first. I suggest Anna Nicole, but my wife didn't want to name our daughter after a bleach-blonde pshycho who died of a drug overdose.
I have learned to like Anna Elizabeth, and I'm sure I will like the name even after our baby is born - provided it's a girl of course. I have never heard of somebody changing their baby's name myself, and I would never do it...I couldn't imagine changing our baby's name once it's born. But I guess to each their own - as long as they're happy.
Reply
Friday 12 February
By Nick
I love my name, but only because my parents were so sure I'd be a boy. Since both their mothers had boys first. So I got named after my grandfathers, and they had to change the names at the last second because I wasn't a baby boy.
Luckily the names they chose have female versions. Nicholas became Nichole. Though I've always been a tomboy.
Reply
Friday 12 February
By chris
Yup, those nurses have their own agendas. My husband and I adopted two infants, and the nurses in one case, and the social worker in another, insisted we name them before we took them home. As we had not had the typical 9 months to think about names (much less prepare a nursery!), we were equally insistent that we needed more time. We took a week in each case to decide on a name. So there is no legal mandate that a child be named until you are ready.
Reply
Friday 12 February
By LEON
WHAT ABOUT CHANGING A FAMILY (LAST NAME) ?
AS AN EXAMPLE; DEATH TO LIVELY!? OR DUNG , DOGER,ETC TO A MORE POSITIVE IDENTIFER ESPECIALLY DURING THE SCHOOL YEARS WHEN KIDS USUALLY GET NICK NAMED, SOME TIMES CRUELY !
Reply
Friday 12 February
By Sue
I have the cutist grandson-Leif Erickson. Leif to me is cute,but I'm already hearing all his life he will be made fun of. I can't think of a nickname for him that goes with Leif-am I being a sucker for other people's thoughts? It is Leif that has to live with those so called embarring insults -so they say. Any suggestions?
Reply
Friday 12 February
By debra
Lee seems like a natural nickname for Leif.
Friday 12 February
By maggieb.
I am a volunteer researcher for our local historical society. Years ago many if not most babies were still born at home. In my county, the parents had up to five years to register their baby's name at the court house. In fact is was not unsual for the parents to take a full year. Also, many adopted children are given legal names by their first mothers. When the child is adopted, all three names get changed.
If I had it to do all over again, I would never have chosen the names that I gave my children. Their names are too common: Ashley, Zach, and Kelcie. I wish that I could've waited a few months after they were born.
Reply
Friday 12 February
By elkkid
Actually, while a baby won't "remember," don't you think a change in his name, the thing he has learned by six months means "him" might be a bit confusing, or create some identity issue? I've always wondered.
Reply
Monday 15 February
By Ashley
I named my 2nd daughter before she was ever thought of, actually before I left the hospital with my first daughter! My first one is Samantha or Sami and named after my older sister...She has always fit her name, my second daughter is Danielle or Dani...except I couldn't call her Dani when she was born, she was entirely to feminine for such a tomboy name. So while she was tiny she was danielle, as she grew into a rambunctious toddler she became Dani...and now she calls herself "D" at 6 years old.
Reply
Saturday 06 March
By sheila
It is ridiculous that hospitals imply that babies must be named before going home. I baby sat for a family that didn't turn in the paperwork for nearly a year-- the dad said that was the legal limit. While they played around with names her sisters and I just called her Baby. That pretty much stuck until she started pre-school at 3. She certainly never seemed negatively affected in any way and is very proud of her name.
Reply