Recently my boyfriend and I decided to call it quits. After a lengthy, drama-packed relationship, the ending was pretty anticlimactic (via text, to boot). There was no crying in person or begging for another chance or holding a boombox outside anyone's window -- we'd both just had enough.While I did spend the first couple weeks post-breakup questioning my existence, I gradually started to rediscover some of the great things about flying solo. (It'd been five years since I was truly single.)
Relationships are wonderful, but they're also a lot of work. So when one's gone sour, there's nothing to balance out all that effort. Ending that relationship left me with more energy and less drama. Here are my favorite parts:
My phone is my friend again
When I was in a relationship, my phone turned into my enemy. Every time it made a noise or was silent for too long, I would tense up in the hopes that it was my dude answering the text I sent two hours ago. Every time that proved true, I was hyper and anxious about sending my reply; every time it didn't, I felt disappointed and then embarrassed at my own reaction.
Click here to read the other reasons Kristen's re-discovered.
Even though I knew it was pathetic, I'd still constantly pretend to be checking the time every other second just to see if he actually answered.
I am healthier
My ex and I went out to eat almost every night we hung out. And since I'm not an 'I'll- have-a-salad-hold-the-dressing' type of girl, I was rarely eating foods that were good for me, unless ordering a small fry instead of medium was considered a health-conscious alternative.
Needless to say I packed on a few pounds and lost a few hundred dollars in my quest to induce a heart attack at the age of 23. Now, not only am I saving money, but I also have that post-breakup motivation to get my butt back in shape.
The only time I cry is when I'm laughing too hard
After spending every other day of the week in tears, I can proudly admit that I have not cried for the last two-and-a-half months! And while that may not seem like a large feat to some, after shedding many unwanted and unnecessary tears trying to make things work, it is for me.
Coincidentally, I also stopped using birth control (which I think played a role in my morphing into a psycho-lunatic-crybaby). Now I will never know if the hormones were messing with me, or if I'm just plain crazy (my doctor's words, not mine).
I live a sex-stress-free life
The sex aspect of my relationship always tended to stress me out. We just weren't having it enough and the idea of trying to fix it was out of the question -- trust me I tried.
It went from being amazing to dull overnight, and because of that, feelings of insecurity started to eat away at me. Was I not pretty enough? Did I not turn him on? Was there someone else? The list went on.
Now it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hardly ever think about sex, and I definitely don't feel bad about myself anymore because everyone deserves to have a great sex life!
So tell us: What makes being single so great for you? What have you learned post-breakup?
Kristen Rollins blogs regularly about relationships for Lemondrop.












Comments:
Add a comment
Monday 14 September
By Mic
Being single I get to do what I want, when I want, and don't have to explain why. When my relationship first fell apart, I also did my share of crying and feeling sorry for myself. But that was short lived and now I found the part of me that was hiding while trying to "do everything right" in his eyes. Oh, I miss part of being in a relationship, but have found that I can do the things I want to and need to do for myself, focus more on my family and friends and even venture out into things that I never thought I would like to do.
Reply
Friday 18 September
By Elizabeth Hatt
Rediscovering my friendships... I didn't lose or distance myself from my friends, but when you are in a relationship you tend to turn to that person first for the comfort or reassurance you need. Being single, I returned to turning to my friends for all things—not just when he was pissing me off—and we have grown and developed more for it and I love it. I feel fulfilled without having a guy in my bed everyday. (My adorable puggle Max doesn't count in this case...)
Reply
Sunday 04 October
By Yvonne
Why can't we do all the things we love doing being single AND be in a relationship? They do it!!!
Friday 02 October
By Regina
After being married twice and in a long term relationship, being single is like finally coming out of an eggshell. I had become to dependent on someone doing things for me that I didn't think I was capable of doing myself. I have since learned that I am QUITE capable of achieving MANY things myself and actually ENJOY the complete feeling of accomplishment in doing them. If I ever DO have another relationship, I will go into in with a renewed feeling of confidence and limitless capabilities.
Reply
Saturday 03 October
By Lolo
Not having to wonder which side of my exboyfriend I would be dealing with once I got home from work the loving side or the critical side.
Reply
Saturday 03 October
By Bill
The best thing about being single is not having to worry about divorce or going through one. Divorce is almost inevitable. Just look at the statistics on relationships and divorce. I don't understand people who are never satisfied, and start all over every few years. Life is complicated enough without making it worse. I was told by my friends and ny exs that I was to good to her. That is something I will never understand.
Reply
Saturday 03 October
By Natasha
The best part about being single for me is, I no longer have to hear him whine or make excuses. I don't have to share my space with any one any more(especially my bed)! I feel free to do what ever i want, when i want and with whom ever i want. Yes i save money, and now i eat more healthier. I have even been more focused on my religion.
Reply
Saturday 03 October
By JT
Whatever, whatz the deal with these self-help-holyer-than-thou, "I've found myself" women who are on this kick that men are the devil, and it's great to be single!! Whatz so great about it?? If it's so great, why are there so many women is these bars trying to hook up with men? Why are there so many women on line looking for long lasting relationships? These women who write these articles should speak for themselves & keep their preferences to themselves. Not everyone wants to be single, and I'm sure I'm speaking for 90% of the men and women in this country.
Reply
Saturday 03 October
By Jules
I was married for 17 looong years and now that I am finally single I love it.......Its all about me........I work late now.......I come and go as I please.I dont have to ask questions or if HE wants to go out........I am finally staring to be happy and smile again and I cant ask for a better single life then I have now.......
The funny thing is is when I left my ex husband I didnt even cry over it!!!!!
Reply
Saturday 03 October
By Sue
I have no idea yet - what it will eventually feel like. Right now I'm in agony, worrying about HIm, not ME. That is not the right way to be thinking so I hope I feel more relaxed about it soon! Time to think about ME. After all, the reason we disintegrated was cause I was NOT important enuf to him. Well, the money was good - and it's not a happy thought to be alone at an elderly age - HOWEVER - it wasn't a nice time being together for soo many years.
Wish me well, strength, and courage to NOT go back to such an unhappy life.
Reply
Sunday 04 October
By Robi
I've been married before, Single is fun too. When you're married you focus more on being a couple. When single- it's just you. I'll be putting my current husband in a nursing home someday soon.. he's 100% disabled and going downhill fast. I'm 40 something. He's aged into an 80 year old in 5 years (he's 6 years older than me!) Because I feel more like his nurse than his wife now.. I'm not sure I'll date again for a while.. nice to just be me for a change.
Reply
Wednesday 07 October
By Keisha
I think the best reason to being single is because you don't have an obligation to that person..... there should be no questions about were are you? why didn't you pick up my calls? If there is any questions like that you should state "We are not together are we?" Lol I think a lot of guys cannot stand me because its not like I want to be in a relationship its just that went a guy gets to the point they start having feelings for you they need to let you know this! To sum it all up in a nut shell...... You Answer to NO ONE!!!!!
Reply
Wednesday 07 October
By Lindsay
I recently got out of a serious, committed 3 year relationship. My ex cheated on me twice with the same person. I was heartbroken and desperately missed him. I blocked his numberin an attempt to stop checking my phone, and then I called him constantly. It got to the point where I called and texted him begging to get back together or to reexplain my hurt over and over again so that he regretted ever being with me and openly said that he would try to manage his .new relationship so that it could last. I was rejected and felt pathetic. For a few weeks after that I had consistent urges to contact him, I felt hopeless. I thought of him so much, and invested so much of my time thinking of him and being determined not to contact him that now that he wants to get back with me I don't see it as worth it
Some of the things that I did to help myself heal after the breakup was to meet other men, throw away all of the things that had to do with him, delete all of his romantic voicemails and text messages
What makes being single great for me is being able to:
1. Flirt with other men without feeling guilty.
2.Not having to be responsible for another person
3. Not checking my phone for that someone's texts or calls
4. Not wondering what that someone is doing
5. Not feeling pangs of jealousy or insecurity when that someone looks at an attractive woman
6. Not feeling vulnerable
7. Being strong enough to say no because I don't owe it to anyone
8. Not arguing with that someone and hating feeling misunderstood because you care about that person so much
9. Not feeling disappointed when expectations are unmet.
10. Not craving for a relationship, or finding a man
I did love being in a relationship, and some of these things listed such as being vulnerable are part of why relationships are memorable and beautiful. But after being cheated on, being single is exactly what I need. In the long run, I'm still single but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. In fact, because I'm not looking for a relationship I appreciate it so much more when a man notices me or finds me attractive. Likewise, I really don't care if he doesnt want to pursue a relationship with me. It was almost impossible for me to fathom that I could feel so sure of myself a couple of weeks ago and for those of you who are in that boat I encourage you to feel the pain. I believe that I'm beautiful and sexy and smart, and no one else has to believe that for me. I do not want to settle for someone that I feel insecure with, that I feel is going to cheat on me.. I don't want to settle for someone who tries to manipulate me into thinking tha I don't deserve as much attention as I ask. And now, no reminder of him can trigger an emotion in me and as for the pain, I'm so over it.
Reply
Tuesday 13 October
By Anand
Seriously its cool being single.....no stress, and u can enjoy in actual sense....get along with frnds, booze, night outs, away frm any kinda responsibility, its so amazingly blissful ..... U can have ur actual existence back to life, be urself and enjoy everthing that life has to offer.. !!! :)
Reply
Tuesday 27 October
By ma-an
what i realized is that, i am more than what i thought i was,,,
that you can always see your true self after somebody (ex-bf) dropped you off...
Reply
Monday 23 November
By karla
the best part about being single is "HIM" not being in the picture...LOL
Reply
Tuesday 15 December
By diva
im marry for so long 27 years and divorce after my divorce im jum in to dating again for 3 long years thing dont work out like amy relationship, now im single i love my single life i dont think we should give any up for the another person if not very very wordit , for me to been single is most beauty full thing ur can have i free dome i can do anything iwont , go any place, date any person i want to date, sleep anytime get up anytime with out any Question from another person will ask you, were are you go, what are you doing this, is streess fee , is energy for my life,the most part for me is freeedom..... freedom,,,, think abouth it
Reply
Saturday 02 January
By Jamie
Being single means you can work on yourself.
Reply