Recently my boyfriend and I decided to call it quits. After a lengthy, drama-packed relationship, the ending was pretty anticlimactic (via text, to boot). There was no crying in person or begging for another chance or holding a boombox outside anyone's window -- we'd both just had enough.While I did spend the first couple weeks post-breakup questioning my existence, I gradually started to rediscover some of the great things about flying solo. (It'd been five years since I was truly single.)
Relationships are wonderful, but they're also a lot of work. So when one's gone sour, there's nothing to balance out all that effort. Ending that relationship left me with more energy and less drama. Here are my favorite parts:
My phone is my friend again
When I was in a relationship, my phone turned into my enemy. Every time it made a noise or was silent for too long, I would tense up in the hopes that it was my dude answering the text I sent two hours ago. Every time that proved true, I was hyper and anxious about sending my reply; every time it didn't, I felt disappointed and then embarrassed at my own reaction.
Click here to read the other reasons Kristen's re-discovered.
Even though I knew it was pathetic, I'd still constantly pretend to be checking the time every other second just to see if he actually answered.
I am healthier
My ex and I went out to eat almost every night we hung out. And since I'm not an 'I'll- have-a-salad-hold-the-dressing' type of girl, I was rarely eating foods that were good for me, unless ordering a small fry instead of medium was considered a health-conscious alternative.
Needless to say I packed on a few pounds and lost a few hundred dollars in my quest to induce a heart attack at the age of 23. Now, not only am I saving money, but I also have that post-breakup motivation to get my butt back in shape.
The only time I cry is when I'm laughing too hard
After spending every other day of the week in tears, I can proudly admit that I have not cried for the last two-and-a-half months! And while that may not seem like a large feat to some, after shedding many unwanted and unnecessary tears trying to make things work, it is for me.
Coincidentally, I also stopped using birth control (which I think played a role in my morphing into a psycho-lunatic-crybaby). Now I will never know if the hormones were messing with me, or if I'm just plain crazy (my doctor's words, not mine).
I live a sex-stress-free life
The sex aspect of my relationship always tended to stress me out. We just weren't having it enough and the idea of trying to fix it was out of the question -- trust me I tried.
It went from being amazing to dull overnight, and because of that, feelings of insecurity started to eat away at me. Was I not pretty enough? Did I not turn him on? Was there someone else? The list went on.
Now it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hardly ever think about sex, and I definitely don't feel bad about myself anymore because everyone deserves to have a great sex life!
So tell us: What makes being single so great for you? What have you learned post-breakup?
Kristen Rollins blogs regularly about relationships for Lemondrop.



















Comments:
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Wednesday 02 September
By Donna
The best part of being single is accepting yourself. When in a relationship you work hard to mantain a certain perception to keep that person, nd in most cases change the thing that make you who you are, all to keep them.And people mostly do this unintentionally nd dont realize it, but we tend conform to what they want. Plus dating more ppl is fun, getting to know different ppl
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Saturday 03 October
By Sharnell Moore
OMG!! Donna
Thank You!! I thought I was the only crazed person on the planet, I just got out of a three year relationship and I was feeling the break up blues and like you I wandered all those same things about my looks and personallity. He said I was to jealous because he believed he should be able to watch soft porn and flirt with other women in my presence. He said I should never say anything or mistrust him. He got mad (felt guilty) one day and ask me to leave and I was okay with that actually I was relieved. I'm burnt out on relationships at this point in my life. I'm not looking for another man right now, well at least until I
re-discover myself. Thanks Again!!
Wednesday 02 September
By Maureen
What's so great about being single? It's like quitting a part-time job that you have in addition to your full-time job. Sure, you liked that extra paycheck (in the form of affection, sex, the occasional free meal) but it's so nice to have your free time back! Every time you have to call to check in and say goodnight, you're punching the clock. I am so happy to be single again--and off the clock.
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Friday 18 September
By Elizabeth Hatt
YOU ARE SO RIGHT... It is like quitting your weekend job. All of a sudden you have the freedom to do what you want to do all the time!
Wednesday 02 September
By deb
I decide how to spend MY money
I eat what I feel like eating
No one keeps me up too late or wakes me up too early
After a hard work day I'm not attacked at the door when I get home with someone else's problems
In the same catagory--I don't have to talk when I am stressed, tired, sick, or just want to be left alone
ALONE TIME!
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Sunday 04 October
By Terri
Deb, you said a mouth full.. And I also agree with you; WTF was he talking about.
Thursday 03 September
By waqas
It makes you realize that what can go wrong if you do not fulfill the commandments of GOD. We think that this world is the only world we will see and we are not undergoing any TEST. There is no life hereafter and the fact of GOD's existance and need of fulfilling HIS true commandments is a secondary thing.
Our society is infact leading our emotions to be wasted. We will surely be punished for our bad deeds. This is the belief we require.
I would recommend to Read Bible and Quran to see what is going to happen with us in the next world if we keep our eyes closed and do not believe in the CREATOR and do not want to know the CREATOR's will.
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Thursday 03 September
By waqas
It makes you realize that what can go wrong if you do not fulfill the commandments of GOD. We think that this world is the only world we will see and we are not undergoing any TEST. There is no life hereafter and the fact of GOD's existance and need of fulfilling HIS true commandments is a secondary thing.
Our society is infact leading our emotions to be wasted. We will surely be punished for our bad deeds. This is the belief we require.
I would recommend to Read Bible and Quran to see what is going to happen with us in the next world if we keep our eyes closed and do not believe in the CREATOR and do not want to know the CREATOR's will.
Reply
Sunday 06 September
By deb
wtf--what are you talking about??
Tuesday 06 October
By durant
Oh! Shut the hell up. It's people like you who live in a man made fairy-tale that create so much chaos and violance in this world.
Saturday 05 September
By Virginia
recently single after a long intense relationship ( very good to very bad) I have a chance to spend time on ME. Yes, the stress about pleasing the other person is diminishing, and focusing on what I WANT is becoming more important. One stressful factor post break up: WE STILL HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER... separate rooms, but ouch, not fun... still a learning lesson in itself!!!
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Saturday 05 September
By Eileen
I guess everything has its pros and cons... I was in a relationship for more than 3 years and it was almost like a marriage and I wasn't happy or at least it wasn't the kind of "happy" I was hoping for... Now I've been single for a year and even though I've dated and I was in another intimate relationship lets just say it was nothing like my "x" the things I do enjoy from being single are the simple things...
-Being able to spend time at my own home with my family without having to ask or tell
-Being able to make plans for Christmas and new years without interfering with his plans...
-having my own time to study and take care of business not having to rush through a chapter because he wants all my attention on him
-being able to visit my friends wout a time limit
-not waiting about call waiting or missing a call from him, because hell would break!!!
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Sunday 06 September
By Tina
The best thing about being single is doing everything YOU want to do when YOU want to do it. Having to constantly think about you AND someone else can be exhausting, so alot of times THEY end up coming first and you don't even realize you are doing it.You set your true happiness aside for theirs.It is lonely sometimes, but the freedom is so comforting. I still keep my toenails painted and wear sexy lace to bed,but it's because I like the way it feels and not to please someone else. I also find that I take better care of my health,eat better and exercise more.Relationships are too over rated- you don't have to have a man in your life to be complete.
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Monday 07 September
By maeish
single bed, single bathroom, single sink, the tv clicker to myself, single food, sink not too full of dishes to wash...single serving on everything!!!
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Saturday 12 September
By Jennifer
Thanks for posting. I became single yesterday after a serious 2 year relationship. While right now I'm a sobbing mess, this article gave me hope that things will get better and I will be able to laugh again.
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Sunday 13 September
By C
hi jennifer
trust me, i was going thru the same thing about 2 months ago and thought my wold would end. now, i feel great and i feel like the world is my oyster so to speak. you will find, in time, that you r better off and now you can concentrate on yourself and what makes you happy, not him. TRUST me it will get easier!!
Friday 18 September
By Eilzabeth Hatt
You will get better... I was a sobbing mess for a while, not too long ago... and time helps you put things in perspective. I realized I was in an unhealthy relationship and had been making excuses for his verbal/emotional abuse for too long...
it'll get better and if you need to talk... there are lots of people here willing ot listen—including me :-)
Sunday 13 September
By hrm12
I think the best thing about being single is learning from the last relationship. I dated a guy for 2 years and he was a great guy (he ended up cheating on me, but that's another story). The fact is, he treated me so well while we were together that I was spoiled. I got mad easily if he didn't do what I thought he should be doing and we bickered a lot. My new boyfriend treats me just as well, but (after watching my relationship w/ my ex) I'm much more aware of my responses to him. Every relationship ends for a reason and examining *why* can help save your future ones as well.
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Friday 18 September
By Elizabeth
hrm12,
I totally agree... I have learned soooo much from my past couple relationships. They all came into my life for a reason, and after the pain starts to subside, you start to recognize those reasons and appreciate the lesson.
Well put!!! :)
Sunday 13 September
By C
You can concentrate on YOURSELF again without feelng guilty or selfish. You can do what YOU want to do, you can eat cereal for dinner and not worry what you're going to cook, you can go out with your friends anytime you want, anywhere you want, no sitting by the phone hoping it will be him calling or texting you, no crying over him! no stress about the no sex, is he flirting with someone? will he leave me? etc. Now, i'ts all about YOU and putting yourself first!!!!
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