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Lee press-on nails? Heavy breathing? Swirling fudge?

Nope, it's not porn. It's some kind of strange chocolate endorsement movie, unearthed by the marvelous Web site Everything Is Terrible, and it sounds like an indoctrination video for some kind of neo-Mayan cocoa-based sex cult.

This is stuff that would make Prince blush, and not just because he's vegan. Click to enjoy, pervert.