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I love pretty boys. I'm talking nice hair, ironed shirts, manicured hands and some kind of scent pour homme.

The only problem with loving pretty boys? They're kinda gay.

While most women might be pissed if another girl smiled at their boyfriend at a restaurant, I'm pretty sure they're just thinking, "Oh, cute! She's kvetching with her gay friend!" Then, of course, they end up staring open-mouthed when we start making out.

Nope, I don't really worry about other girls hitting on my boyfriend. Rather, it's the guys who dress better than I do that I've got to watch out for.

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I'm Not a Beard, I Just Like Aftershave

This isn't to say past boyfriends haven't ever gotten hit on by gals -- they have -- but usually only after a girl's had to find out that he actually likes women.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking: Uh, get clued in, lady. Your boyfriend probably is gay, and just hasn't come out yet.

Nope! My baby may wear Burberry socks, but trust me, boy's straight as an arrow. In fact, he lacks so much gaydar, he doesn't even realize when dudes hit on him. Until I inform him, of course, that the "awesome guy at the bar" he thinks is he new best friend is cruising him.

Poor boyfriend is always embarrassed and dejected, having foolishly believed he just made a new bro. I try to appease him: "It's OK, baby, you can't help that you're so beautiful." This rarely helps.

He's Here, He's Not Queer, I Deal With It

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if my friends didn't tease me about it. I've never had any fear that my boyfriend would leave me for a dude, but it's a drag that everyone else thinks he likes the penis, from co-workers to relatives to store clerks. And herein lies the problem.

I suppose I could give up the Abercrombie-model-types in pink oxfords with perfect hair, and go for men that give off the caveman, me-love-vagina vibe, but I can't. I was destined to be with someone prettier than me, and if that means fending off the likes of the entire gay population and the ingrained gender stereotypes of heterosexuals and homosexuals alike, so be it. I'll just take having a boyfriend with a perfect ass as consolation.

Beth Brennan is the pseudonym that allows Lemondrop bloggers and guest writers to retain what little dignity can be afforded by the cruel Dantean hell of the Internet. She is a single Jewish Christian bisexual former prostitute with an Asian fetish who saved herself for marriage.