Too much sex on the beach may have taken this sea lion to an early grave, but that doesn't mean you and the boyfriend can't give it a whirl.
Before you pack your beach bag, though, check out our guide to summer loving on the sand. Rule No. 1: Watch out for crabs!
Stake out your spot. Having the waves lap at your toes may sound sexy, but the closer you are to the water, the more exposed you'll be. Sandy sexing requires a little groundwork. Look for a semi-private spot near a dune or large rock; a little cove would be ideal.
You might also want to consider clearing away any litter, sharp shells, or driftwood that could wreak havoc later on. And don't forget to check the tide report -- there's nothing like a wild wave (or fatal undertow) to dampen your night of passion.
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Wait for nightfall. Yeah, sorry, but unless you want to be thrown in jail (don't laugh -- this couple got jail time), you really can't get down until a) it's pitch black outside and b) desolate.
Bring your supplies. Be prepared: You'll need a towel or blanket to avoid the dreaded sand-crotch syndrome; a backup towel for emergency clean-ups or "Hey, what are you guys doing down there?" moments; a plastic bag for your used condom (leave no trace -- please); a bottle of water for washing off sand; and Purell.
Bring a flashlight in case you need it but avoid using it if possible -- it can draw attention. You may also want to pre-set your cell's alarm set to rouse you a bit later -- a post-coital doze interrupted by a leering fisherman or angry cop is not hot.
Know what to leave behind. Sticky lubricant + sticky sand = no fun, so leave the lube at home and warm each other up the old-fashioned way.
Dress for the occasion. Getting buck-naked may be hotter, but the more time you spend fumbling with your clothes, the greater your risk of getting caught. Elastic-waist swim shorts are a good easy-on-easy-off option for guys, while gals should opt for skirts or dresses -- you can hike it up, sit on him and still look clothed should anyone mosey by.
Avoid the water. Yes, we know it looks hot in movies. The downside is that 1) water sex is awkward, 2) water sex can dry you out (if you know what we mean), and 3) water sex puts you in close contact with sharp shells, riptides, random sea creatures, and evil jellyfish (unless you like golden showers). And need we remind you of the opening scene of "Jaws"?
Get in and get out. Hopefully the thrill of being in public will help you both reach climax quickly. If the sand is fine or hard-packed, missionary or side-to-side are good choices. If the sand's uneven or sinking, you might have to be creative (maybe have him sit on a cooler while you ride on top). Doggy-style works on most surfaces but is tougher to play off if you're caught.
Once you're done, clean up and leave the scene of the crime within 10 minutes. Take a long shower as soon as you get home to remove any sand from your treasure chest.
Tell Us: Have you ever had sex on the beach? How did it go?