So you've fallen for a great guy -- yay! Only problem? A friend of yours has already dated him. But being the good friend you are, you put your animal urges aside, convince yourself that you're crazy, and try to find a guy who's better. So is it ever OK to move in on a friend's former flame? Does it matter whether she was serious with him, or if it was just a fling? Is it cheating that you've already heard he's great in bed? We asked our ever-so-loyal girlfriends to weigh in:
Yes!
"I hooked up with my friend's crush," said Sasha, 24. "They were never boyfriend-girlfriend and even though she really liked him, all that ever came of it were make-out sessions.
"The guy and I had always been friends and she was away at college while I had stayed in touch and hung out with him occasionally. Then one drunken night, one thing led to another and it just happened. It was fun and then it was over. It wasn't something that I had planned."
Click here to read more after the jump.
Never!
"I'm gonna have to say no," said Tara, 25. "I guess it's hard to generalize because you have to factor in how good a friend this person was or is, but if we're talking best friends, definitely not OK to do! If it happens, all parties will have to deal with the consequences. It's just not a boundary that should be crossed. I think it's disrespectful and uncomfortable and ultimately and most importantly runs the risk of ruining your friendship."
While we don't condone hooking up with your best friend's former boyfriends, we can understand where the line can become a little fuzzy, especially if you have one of those friends who considers every dude she's made out with -- which happens to be half the town -- her 'ex' of some sort.
So tell us: Would you ever move in on your best friend's ex? Has it ever happened to you?
Comments:
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Tuesday 11 August
By S
I rather not. I just don't feel comfortable. I can find my own mystery man that no one knows about. No need for other exes or my own exes. I can be and do things on my own.
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Wednesday 12 August
By SamMAN
I ve stolen ppl s boyfreinds i dont care
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Wednesday 12 August
By Paige
I slept with my sister's ex-boyfriend, so I really don't see issues...
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Thursday 13 August
By Greta
I'm in the midst of what turned out to be a long-term relationship with a guy that one of my friends had dated before. If you want to stay friends with the girl, you ask first, get her permission, and then proceed. I'm really happy with this guy and I'm glad I pursued a taboo situation. However, don't just randomly hook up with a friend's ex... I think you'd be in danger of "cheapening" whatever they had.
If your friend is an immoral slut, however, it's all fair game.
Cheers!
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Friday 14 August
By CRW
I think it is not a good thing to do because it happened to me. One of my best friends (I have known her since she was 8, now she is 32) went after my ex. I always had suspisions she was after him even while he and I were together, but both parties denied it. Turns out, she was telling him everything I said and did and even exagerating the stories. After he and I broke up (a breakup that was my fault as well as hers), they started dating.
I am married now, but even if she and I got past all that mess, we still couldn't be close friends. We talk from time to time and I even talk with him from time to time. The biggest issue is she didn't care enough about our friendship because now that she is with my ex, we cannot hang out because it would be unfair to my husband to have my ex in his face all the time. I should have followed a rule I tell my kids all the time: Keep your friends and you man separate at all times!!
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Monday 17 August
By Vicky
I have to say yes and no. I go with the motto things happen for a reason only because they really do. I was dating a guy for a month during my freshman year of college long story short we wound up breaking up and for a week we tried to get back together, but by the weekend, I found out that he had kissed my friend and the day that our break up was finalized she was at his house.
Now this girl who I was "friends" with was not the greatest person to talk to. And this past Halloween she started hooking up with a guy who I'll call Jay for about a couple months and after they were official for a month she moved in with him. Things started getting rocky and she wound up ending it because she wasn't over "our ex" and so I hungout with Jay the night that they broke up because Jay and I have a group of mutual friends that we both hangout with. And a week later we went on our first date and we've been together for 5 months as of this past saturday. I know it may seem mean, but I honestly believe that things happen for a reason. If some people aren't meant to be then, they aren't meant to be. The girl who I was my friend I no longer talk to and refuse to associate myself with her. I honestly would never thought I would go for another friends ex, but we just clicked and sometimes you can't help, but to take a chance. But in my opinion if someone does decide to date a friends ex, they should confront their friend and their friend's ex and make it clear that they should wait at least a few months to really start anything. After all the friend was there before the guy.
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Saturday 22 August
By Laura
"Asking permission" is bullshit and demeaning. All that really is doing is asking your friend to dismiss her right to feel pissed off about it (which is perfectly natural, since it shows a terrible lack of respect for her and no boundaries whatsoever, unless of course you live in a polyamorous world). Thats not being nice, its being manipulative and dismissive.
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Tuesday 25 August
By wtfsol.
i dont think its EVER ok. especially not if its a good friend, best friend, close friend. it would be ok if you really dont care for the "friend"
this happened to me. i dated a guy, and we broke up a month later. i really liked him a lot. and my friend knew it. she happened to be dating my brother. she cheated on my brother with my ex. but i forgave her. only my brother didnt. but i told her never to do it again. and one day she came over and sort of asked me for permission. but like Laura said above, asking for permission was like asking me to dismiss my right to feel angry at her. i told her it wasnt ok. but i guess my opinion didnt matter. because theyve been together for almost a year now. and i havent spoken to her in just as long.
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Sunday 13 September
By hrm12
My best friend is currently sleeping with my ex of almost a year. Personally, I think it's a bit pathetic. He was and is a jerk. They aren't seeing each other, just sex. And the fact that they have some puerile need to make out in front of me when they generally aren't much into PDA, just makes me giggle. I say, as a general rule, ASK THE FRIEND FIRST. Wish my friend had done that for me... but, eh...
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Thursday 17 September
By Fucked over by a "friend"
PSH! Has it HAPPENED to ME?! Yes! And it was the most excruciating pain in my chest for days. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the disgusting new picture of my EX bf of 5 YEARS and my EX best friend of 10 years together, in a hot tub, beers in hand and on thighs, ON FACEBOOK!!
Its wrong, filthy, dirty, and you should have the decency for yourself to a new man for you. It's sloppy seconds, nothing serious could ever really happen in my eyes because they've tainted so many friendships now by making it awkward for every mutual friend so how could you ever feel good about yourself or the situation? GROSS. But it certainly helps you weed out the TRUE friends or not.
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Friday 30 October
By LaToya
I need help. Where should I begin My friend Sheena met this guy Rob but my other friend Jenn liked him so she ended up sleeping with him in a casual manner for about a year,and we were all good friends.Then the fling between Jenn and Rob ended but we all remained friends then me and him started hanging out a lot and didn't sleep together for about two years. Then finally we had sex,It was unbelievable.when we entered this year long casual sex relationship we knew that he was going to have to go to jail.
It turns out he had to do Three years.While he was locked up I ended up getting pregnant.Now he wants me back and I am with my sons father but I think I am still in love with him.This time he told me how he feels about me and that he knows that I have a family to think about and he is capable of commitment with time and the right person.BUT a month previous he slept with Jenn and that is how we saw each other again even though we do talk on the phone occasionally and saw each other once in the 8 months he was out.
Jenn had came to my house to tell me about her and him having sex. She doesn't know about us.Did I mention she a dope addict and when he realized how she was he decided he wanted me even more.He, by that time had not seen her for 5 years.I haven't had sex with my sons father in almost 4 months and when I saw Rob that day I thought I want to be with Rob.So We've been seeing each other because he sells weed and he asked could we spend some time together as friends so he came over to my house and it felt like old times. We didn't sleep together but I really wanted to and still really do.
I don't know what to do.don't want to make a mistake and leave my sons father for something that's not going to work out.I'm not sure Rob and I could have an open relationship If my best friend doesn't know about it and will probably be upset about it. Did I mention he's white and I'm black.My Boyfriend is from Africa cant wait to see how my family will take that especially my black power aunt who loves him.
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