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Today's guest blogger, comedian Joselyn Hughes, gives us the scoop on what it's like to navigate the social scene without the aid of beer.I'm done drinking.
I am not an alcoholic. And I've always enjoyed drinking, ever since that first warm can of Bud Light I tried in the back of my friend's '89 Civic. It was gross and fun, because that's what drinking is.
But after breaking up with yet another man after yet another failed relationship, I realized something extremely important: Most all of my dating has involved drinking. And I'm sick of it.
It's subtle, sneaky insight that just came to me like a beer-filled light bulb glowing above my head. Drinking has been the third wheel in the pre-, during and post-party that is my dating life, standing right beside us. Sometimes right in the middle of us. Or passed out next to the toilet.
Click here to keep reading.
Tequila, With a Regret Chaser
You have a drink (or three) that first date to get over the discomfort that is its "newness." You get flirty and bold. Inhibitions go away and you stop stressing over the topics you talk about, how your lip gloss looks, and whether or not your breath stinks. Alcohol puts a funnier, more interesting and dynamic luster on everyone's personality, but it doesn't last.
The only thing worse than waking up with a hangover is waking up with a hangover and a new man in your life whom you "connected with" so well because you had two appletinis and a margarita. I can't handle the awkwardness of that, so things always get weird and we stop seeing each other after a date or two. The next weekend I'm out on another first date ordering a mudslide and hoping this date's better than the last. It's a no-good, nasty cycle.
But no more!
Goodbye, Social Lubricant; Hello, Social Life
I went on a date last weekend that 100 percent sober -- and awkward. I was nervous; I pitted out my shirt. I knocked over a water glass onto my lap and looked like I wet myself. I avoided talking about my mother and instead talked for way too long about my third-grade teacher Mrs. Schnable for no apparent reason. But he seemed to like it, and like me, and he when he kissed me goodnight I was thrilled, because we had real, actual chemistry.
If we last, I will be proud that I finally chose to really date someone instead of drunkenly-ignoring-reality dating someone. And if we don't, it wasn't because we were drunk and I was embarrassed, but because it just wasn't worth it. At least this time I'll figure it out before things go anywhere -- and I won't wake up with a nasty hangover.
Joselyn Hughes is a comedian and writes for the Tosh.0 blog for Comedy Central. You can see more about her at joselynhughes.com.
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Thursday 13 August
By Shannon
I like my wine, but if I am on a first date I have a one glass only rule. I think one glass of wine is enough to maybe quell your jitters (although not too much) without clouding your judgement. My husband and I were both nervous on our first date, even after dinner and wine, but what stopped the jitters was surprisingly holding his hand. I reached for it in the car and when he took my hand too that calmed me down because I knew he liked me. I think when you have an indication that you are doing well that always helps.
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Wednesday 19 August
By Peaches
I have begun to try dating sober. In fact, I recently had my first 2 month, sober, "relationship", with someone I truly cared about. The amazing thing about not drinking in the beginning with someone, is that it does not set the precedent that you always have to be drunk (or high) to be around them! And when you figure out that it just ain't right, you don't reach for something to ease the reality that you aren't made to be with that person. You move on. So cheers to your sober dating lady. Good luck and enjoy the control you have to share as much or as little as you honestly believe is appropriate.
Sunday 23 August
By Claire
I totally agree. I only started drinking at all halfway through my one serious relationship, and when we broke up earlier this year I had a couple drunken flings and then a drunken flirtation that led to a drunken hook-up that led to an obvious intention, on both ends, to start dating. I really really liked this guy, but I realized after the first week of hooking up and hanging out that we had always been drunk or in a large group when together, and without those factors helping us along, we just didn't get along nearly as well. My ex, on the other hand, I had drifted apart from when I'd started drinking partly because his drinking habits weren't the same as mine, but I began to realize that our relationship, begun sober, was great because we liked each other for who we genuinely were and had never felt the need to be drunk together to have fun. I often wish that we had worked things out. Even if we don't, I hope I will remember to start things off sober in the future!
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Wednesday 02 September
By mandy
that all makes sense. my current boyfriend of a year and a half picked me up at a bar right before closing time. we were both drunk and he asked my parents (who i took to the bar too) is they cared if i joined him for an afterparty. they didnt't care and he was a gentleman and i liked that he had been drinking because i found out all the nitty gritty stuff that usually takes months to get out of him in the first hour! we didnt kiss when he brought me home and called me the next weekend. we live together now and buy alcohol on the weekends and go dancing and barhopping and love it! either of us could be happier!
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Monday 21 September
By snee
Had my first date with a new woman at the weekend...didn't drink, but still managed to mess things up...
When your date is in the bathroom, don't suddenly remember it's "talk like a pirate day"
Also, it's a great idea to remmebr where you parked your car in the multi storey car park - nothing says "IDIOT!" more than wandering up and down levels for 10 minutes, then finding your car parked almost next to hers...
Of course, as I was driving, I wasn't drinking - but it would probably have been so much, much worse if I had...
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Saturday 12 November
By Larrybud
Somehow people are equating drinking with "getting drunk", as if there's no in between of 0 drinks and getting shit-faced, and maybe THAT's the real reason your relationships don't work!
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