Jessica Simpson can't catch a break. The tabloids have branded her -- at 28 -- a dried-up spinster who can't keep a man; she got dumped by her NFL-star boyfriend, Tony Romo, on her birthday eve; and -- arguably worst of all -- she just got photographed wearing a disastrous romper. Where were her friends? Hasn't anyone reminded her that Job One when dealing with a horrible split is to make sure you look awesome every time you leave the house, on the off-chance run into your ex? Just in case your girlfriends aren't answering their phones in your hour of need, here are our celebrity-inspired Dos and Don'ts for coping with a breakup.

DON'T Just Give Up Everyone's been through that breakup where you spend the first six weeks on the sofa in the same ratty sweatpants, inhaling Cheetos and crying over the tender loving relationships on "The Real Housewives of New York."

It's an important part of the grieving process, but it's no excuse for giving up altogether. If that heinous romper on J. Simp doesn't reek of quitting, then we'll eat a pair of leggings. Sure, slob out but more importantly...
DO Keep Your Wallowing Behind Closed Doors Even if you've basically gone feral, the world doesn't need to see your shame. Ben Affleck spent months after his bust-up with J. Lo popping up in public looking like he'd been tucked away in a remote mountain cabin, without running water, making bombs and sniffing glue.

Visibly falling apart at the seams is only going to make your ex happier to be rid of you. Instead, take a cue from Anne Hathaway, and ...
DO Show Some Leg Anne illustrated best that living well -- and looking hot -- really is the best revenge, especially when your ex thought it was OK to defraud the Pope.

We'd still be in the fetal position if our ex's criminal activities led to us turning over our jewelry and our diaries to the FBI -- imagine Fox Mulder reading your innermost thoughts over his morning yogurt -- but Anne calmly snagged herself a whole new wardrobe of short-but-sophisticated looks. It must be comforting to know your ex is eating his heart out ... from prison.





Click here for more breakup do's and don'ts after the jump.

DO Get an Awesome Haircut Now, we're not saying you should go all season two of "Felicity" here and take hedge-clippers to your mane just to make a point, but the right après-heartbreak makeover can do wonders to lighten your spirits.

Remember Reese Witherspoon's breakup bangs? They debuted on the heels of her divorce from Ryan Phillippe and made her look sleeker, sexier and more alluring than she had in years. Plus, it's cheaper than Botox.
DO Take Out Your Anger on Your Glutes One thing that is not tragic about Jessica Simpson: her trainer. When dumped, Jess usually hits the gym and emerges with a bum so toned it would have Michelangelo's David whining about his cellulite. That way, when her dastardly ex is buying Gatorade and microwave meals at the supermarket, he'll see her hot ass on the cover of Us and lament that he's no longer flossing his teeth with her calves.

We're sure once Jessica's friends get a load of that romper, they'll remind her what to do, and we agree: Take a page from the Simpson Chronicles of Yore and vent that pent-up rage on the bag at kickboxing class. That slinky little black dress will fit better, and as a bonus, you could punch your ex in the gut and do some real damage.


DON'T Become a Gymorexic Nutjob There's looking youthfully healthy, and then there's looking like you could crack walnuts with your biceps and slice cheese with your veins. Madonna fits the latter category. After divorcing Guy Ritchie, Madge seems to have embarked on an even bigger gym binge than usual -- we haven't seen guns like that since there was an East German weightlifting team.

It's as if, in trying to prove she's still got it, Madonna accidentally held onto it so desperately that she broke its neck. She's the cautionary poster child for exercising in moderation. If you want your ex to think you've spent countless lonely nights bench-pressing tractor-trailers, that's one thing; otherwise, you don't need to shack up with so many heavy dumbbells just to get over that other one. After all, it doesn't seem to have made Madge look any happier.

Read more from Heather and Jessica on Lemondrop or at their site, Go Fug Yourself.