Lemondrop

Paula's Swan Song
Paula Abdul, "American Idol"'s favorite source of unintelligible gurgles and drug-induced rants, will not be returning next season after contract negotiations with the show's producers fell through. (via Perez Hilton)

Valley of the Dolls
Ashton Kutcher knows that there is something scarier than a sex-crazed cougar with three kids: Her creepy assortment of lifelike porcelain dolls. He recently blabbed that wife Demi Moore's collection, some of which are in their bedroom, gives him the willies. (via Celebitchy)
Hey Jude
Jude Law and Samantha Burke met on the street after the club Jude was at closed. Afterward, like any two people who've know each other for about two hours, they went home and made a baby together. (via The Blemish)
Gaga and Baybay Lead VMA Noms
Lady Gaga and Beyoncé each earned nine MTV Video Music Awards nominations this year. In other news: MTV still plays music videos. (via PopEater)
D-Bag of the Day: Jon Gosselin
Jon Gosselin has yet another girlfriend to add to his smorgasbord of unremarkable 20-somethings from eastern Pennsylvania. He recently spent the night with a cocktail waitress. (via RadarOnline)
Motormouth: Pink
"So I think we should have a new [animal rights] campaign with the message: fur makes you fat. That is probably the only thing these people care about so let's go for that. You look terrible in that. It makes you gain 15 or 20 pounds. That will do the trick." -- Pink. (via I'm Not Obsessed)

(All images: Getty Images.)