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This is the first of a new column asking you, reader, whether an opinion we have or something we've done makes us the Worst Person Ever -- a WPE. Have a suggestion for a topic? Email Brooke at bvp@lemondrop.com.Please don't ask me to be in your wedding. No offense, but I'd prefer just to attend. Being asked to be a bridesmaid is akin to being asked to enter the Seventh Ring of Hell. Does that make me an a-hole?
Vacation Days Are Precious
Let's be real. Some soon-to-be-wed lunatics think we've set aside an extra fund to finance being part of their special day. But as much as this honor of all honors and true expression of friendship sounds tantalizing, I'm not made of money.
Click here for three more reasons Brooke wants to bail on bridesmaid duty after the jump.
It's called a wedding day, not a wedding month. Brides, you are out of your tree to think that you can plan three separate events leading up to the big day which all happen to be spaced apart by a week.
Did you forget that you live in Wisconsin and I live in California? Should I just quit my job now or would you prefer I book four separate flights cross-country? No problem! I thought ahead and sold my small intestine on the black market in preparation for YOUR wedding day.
The bad news is that I will have to use a colostomy bag during the ceremony, but the good news is no pesky trips to the ladies room, so I'm all yours, all night.
I Don't Have a "You're Getting Married!" Fund
What, you're covering travel costs? For all of us? OK, sounds excessive, but that's your call.
But I still have to shell out hundreds more for a Stepford Wife dress, ugly shoes, a spray tan, hair and makeup expenses, and last but not least, a suitably expensive gift for you and new hubby? Wait -- did you say cash bar? That's it.
Sorry, I have to respectfully decline the invite to stand up in your wedding. I'm not up to the task and clearly am not ready to cash in my 401(k) to finance this hootenanny -- even if I did have a 401(k).
I Still Plan on Entertaining ... Just in a Different Way
What's wrong with showing my support the old-fashioned way -- by drinking in the church parking lot during the ceremony and toppling the "singles" table at the reception because I tucked the tablecloth into my collar like a bib?
It has taken years to perfect the Crocodile Dance whenever Bachman Turner Overdrive's "Takin' Care of Business" crackles through the amplifiers, thank you very much. I swear that you can depend on me to do all the above mentioned things.
Let me do my thing and you do yours. This is why you're getting married and I am not.
We're all going to have a great time, and don't worry -- at the end of the night, you'll still have your brand-new sorbet maker and I'll still have some sort of savings account -- even if I do have to spend it reimbursing your great uncle for wrecking his Rascal Mobility Scooter.
Brooke is a comedian, writer and waitress who will definitely make a splash at your wedding. If you'd like to invite her -- or just read more about what she's up to -- check her out here.
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Saturday 08 August
By Tracy
I have been in 11 weddings and attended like 20 weddings in the past 5 years. I'm also in a wedding this coming October. I, however, am eloping.
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Monday 10 August
By AWE
I think weddings have become the most ridiculous farces -- all about the bride's ego with little thought to anything but "impressing" people who, frankly, don't care. There's nothing sacred about the excesses of conspicuous consumption that has replaced small meaningful ceremonies of union. Seems to me, though, that a polite, "Gee, that sounds lovely but I just won't be able to...." is easy enough. When my best friend got married, she knew (because I'd made it very clear for years) how I felt about being a bridesmaid or, worse, the tackiness of endless showers that nobody wanted to attend but everybody (but me) pretended to enjoy for the bride's sake. Instead of putting my name on the guest list for the showers (and hey, I'm not cheap -- I gave her wonderful gifts and hosted a lovely dinner party in her honor), she asked me to sit with her family in the church and to come have coffee and pastries with her while she did her make-up before the wedding. It was perfect.
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Tuesday 11 August
By Hailey
I don't think you should need anything big for a wedding dress. I mean a dress the food and all the other needed stuff but why a big environment. Can't you just have one in your backyard. Should mean the same you're marrying the person you love.
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Wednesday 12 August
By melia
I have a "friend" that is the maid of honor in a wedding this fall. it is taking place on a sunday (use of vacation time for monday), at a very prestigeous country club 6 hrs from her home. Her husband has been unemployed for 9 months, and they have 2 children, the youngest will be 4 months at the time of the wedding. the other child is in the wedding as well. Besides her being extremely broke and stressed about it, she has a $250 dress, sons tux, hotel 2 times, shower expenses, gifts, and gets to pay for a limo for brides night out, she doesnt even drink. The bride's family has plenty of money, and the bride is more than aware of her situation, yet never offered any help or an option out. both their families are friends, so this came as a SHOCK..
"friend" was told that although her husband, son the ringbearer, bros, and wives, and her parents were invited...her 4 month old son was NOT INVITED. asking if there was someone that could watch him....yeah, i know. her whole family will be at the wedding, and she is from out of town...thats really nice of her, regardless if it was her or the motherzilla. I just dont get how you can be so oblivious and careless about other peoples situations. they arent even close anymore. its one of those " i was in your wedding so you are in mine" kinda deals. she is showing up with the baby regardless, the baby that doesnt eat the expensive food, or dance all around knocking over crap. i would have to question my friendship with this person after being told my baby wasnt invited..do you really want to be friends with someone so inconsiderate as that??
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Wednesday 12 August
By Linda
Well, okay, you don't want to be in her wedding. That's fine.
But what does make you the WPE is the fact that your being cruel about it. So your friend wants you to be in her wedding! That's a nice offer. At least she wants you and not somebody else. If you don't have enough money, don't go. But that isn't something you can be mad about. That's ridiculous.
People get married all the time. Yes, it's costly, but have you stopped to think about the bride? How much it's costing her and her family?
Anyway, a lot of people think cruel sarcasm is funny. Really, it's just annoying.
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Wednesday 12 August
By Mary Duessent
Lucky me - I've been married 4 times:
No. 1 - was at my in-laws' home - I wasn't even asked if I wanted it there (I was 19). My in-laws had a religion I didn't understand (still don't), so guess it was a religious wedding. My soon to be mother-in-law changed the time of the wedding and forgot to tell me. My best friend and father were there - that's all the "room" there was for my family & friends. (Lasted 2 years, 1 month)
No. 2 - we borrowed my boss's ski condo for the weekend. Got married before a State Supreme Court Justice) with only a few people there. No food - later whoever was still there, No. 2 and I drank all night. (Lasted 2 years 2 months - only because it takes so damn long to get divorced in California!)
No. 3 - was at a "wedding chapel" - I KNEW this was a HUGE mistake, so the only people there were his folks and his sister. Oh yeah and him and I. I should have stayed home - alone. (Lasted 3 months - threw him out, then the l o n g wait for another California divorce - so total 9 months married on that disaster.)
No. 4 - Got married at a friend's house before a Judge. There were probably about 30 people there. My best friend and another friend made the food -- sandwich makings and assorted salads (I reimbursed them for all costs involved and bought them gifts for making the food for me), my friend bought flowers to decorate to house with - I reimbursed her), cake came from the bakery department of a grocery store, liquor came from leftover booze from my boss's open house that he had held for his new office (this was okayed by him -- so I did not steal it!!). We had tables set up around the back yard swimming pool and the bar area set up outside, closer to the house. It rained. There is a great picutre of me holding an umbrella for someone as they made their drink. Hard to figure out what to do - be polite and make the drink for her or hold the umbrella!! Annother friend had a guitar and played and sang and we all danced, partied and had a terrific time. (Last count 26 years, 10 months!!)
All 4 weddings were cheap. I was going to say "inexpensive" but let's face it - cheap is more accurate. Oh, and no wedding showers, not even for the first one. But, then again, with that one, maybe there was a shower and my mother-in-law forgot to tell me that too! At the time of each wedding, well, not the 3rd, I thought they were great. No one went into debt, had to play silly games (other than mother-in-law No. 1 - she had her own brand of silly games), no ugly bride-maid's dresses, etc. IF there if a No. 5, I think I will go Bridezilla - that would be the only way to explain a No. 5!!
mary
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Wednesday 12 August
By Karen
awww, I love that the last one is 26 years....
Wednesday 12 August
By Susan
Wow after reading some of these posts I certainly am glad some of you aren't my friends!! I got married back in '84 and had 5 bridesmaid, 3 family(sister in law and 2 very close cousins) and 2 childhood friends..I would think someone would be honored in being asked. You just don't ask an acquaintance to be a bridesmaid. I had no bachelorette party and my bridal shower was at my aunts house. Yes they bought their own dress and 2 of my bridesmaids didnt give me a gift. I consider them being in my bridal party my gift. One of my bridesmaids wore her dress for Halloween, she was Glinda the good witch (remember it was the 80's). To this day I am still very close to all that were in my bridal party and we have great laughs when looking at the pictures..If you cannot afford a dress or what has now become a 3 ring circus when asked to be in a bridal party, just truthfully decline and tell the bride. If she is a true friend, things will be fine.
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Wednesday 12 August
By Cari
I asked my cousin (who's like my sister) to be a bridesmaid and she said "Thanks! but... no thanks" lol. I was not offended AT ALL, actually I loved her honesty... she told me she wouldn't be able to afford it and really, all that wedding-y stuff is just not her thing... (she's being supportive in so many other ways, like taking me out for a cocktail to escape planning nightmare). I realize this is a million times better than having someone answer "yes" with somewhat fake enthusiasm and secretly thinking "Oh! sh*T!!" LOL. Plus, we all know those girls we MUST ask (groom's sister, cousin, etc.) and then WE'RE thinking "Please say no... " but they never do, thus forcing the fake enthusiasm out of you, LOL. It's a vicious cycle that must be broken!! If you mean NO, do everyone a favor, and for crying out loud, just say NO!!
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Wednesday 12 August
By micki
I agree with alot of these comments. Several showers, ugly dresses that ARE expensive(shame on the shop owners)bachelorette party. Not to mention hotels if need be. We are planning my daughters now. They are getting married in Jamaica. IF you want to go--fine. Consider it a vacation that you are paying for. The ceremony is early in the day so it is not wasted waiting around. There will be a 'celebration reception' a month later (I am paying)--well they are covering the DJ and centerpieces. All the while it costs me more since I have to fly up for the shower. Fly to Jamaica. Then again fly up for the recept., get a room and car. We have tried to keep this simple so there is no stress for bride & groom as well as guests. We want everyone to have agreat time and celebrate their love. They have not even chosen a bridal party or witnesses yet for fear of causing that stress or questions of why is she asked and not me?? Do you really want to be asked??? My daughter was in a wedding a month after college graduation--but still had the girls day, luncheons, spa day, showers, hair nails, dress, shoes.....and having to take off work to travel back to the homestate to attend these functions. THIS is what we are trying to avoid. BUT can you believe--some have offered to be in the wedding or stand for them? It will be a lst minute decision in Jamaica--so whatever dress they have-will be it! And lucky them--they get out of planning and spending on shower(s)--done deal. I pay even though MOB isn't supposed to do that. But why listen to or cause the misery among friends, expecting them to spend spend spend?? One big celebration--eat, drink and be merry and wish them well--they deserve it! Weddings have gotten out of hand and the bridezillas who 'think' they deserve this?? And the parents who are emotionally blackmailed into giving--you are crazy! A nice celebration with family and close friends--bet ths will be more memorable! And fun, less to no stress for all! This IS my only daughter but I still don't feel I have to mortgage my home and neither does my daughter & future son in law! This is their decision to get married in Jamaica--all the plans are in place--they now wish they scheduled it sooner! We will all have a great relaxing time!
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Monday 17 August
By aires
OMG!!! thank you soo much for writing this article.... okay, so i was asked to be in a "friends" wedding, maid of honour, a couple years ago. (yes, couple of years ago, still recovering from it)...
She expected soo much, first the other bridesmaid basically just didn't do anything, i was expected to organize the stagette and everything else. There was a shower for her but weird... i wasn't invited (doesn't the maid of honour get invited, news to me if they don't), then the stagette was a complete gong show and the other girls were back-stabbing, drama queens who didn't do anything to help. I asked each girl to just make appetizers for one night and this was with being partnered with another girl, just so i wasn't stuck figuring that out as well for 9 girls every night, did anyone deliver??? NOPE!! got stuck buying alcohol and food for all the nights too.
oh yea, did i mention, i was working part-time at the time and all the other girls were working full-time (okay, please tell me where the fairness in that is)
Then because of all the drama i just told my "friend" it's probably better if the other girl takes over the duties and i can just be a guest at the wedding because to be honest, i was just soo turned off by the whole thing and by this time, i was even wondering why she had chosen me since it didn't seem like she even viewed me as a friend!! Well, she wouldn't take "no" for an answer, was stuck in the wedding party, got stiffed on the stagette weekend by the other bridesmaid when she didn't even pay for the hotel stay and to this day i don't talk to this "friend" and her husband anymore.
Now... ladies, if you're getting married, think about it in the long term, is it really worth losing a good long-time friend over having a so-called "perfect, superficial" day where it's all about you, and your maid-of-honour is posting an article about what a horrible day it was!!! Oh yea, and they never got a present from me, and do i feel bad about it or guilty... guilty, maybe a little bit, bad Definitely not!
Me and my husband, we recently eloped to Vegas, i LOVED it and still have all my friends talking to me!
AHHH!!! it was sooo wonderful to vent about it!!! Thanks again for the article :)
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Wednesday 19 August
By Lisa
I can't imagine why brides do this! When I got married, I asked them to pay for their dress, and shoes (they wore $10.00 flip flops from Target) and told them NOT to buy us anything because sharing in our special day was enough. Some got their hair done professionally, and others got together and did each others, and I didnt care what their nails or feet looked like as long as they were clean. And I bought them their jewelry as a thank you for being in the wedding. It's so crazy to me when I hear about these brides that go ape sh!t and demand everything. I think as someone who is asked to be in a wedding, you have the right to ask what is expected of you upfront, so if you cant afford it, you can opt out. You are in no way the WPE!!!
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Friday 28 August
By kmorris
This is one of the funnier things that I have ever heard. I was very fortunate as a maid of honor in my best friends wedding. She knew that I lived in VA, and her in WI and that I would not be able to arrange any type of bridal party or so on, nor would I even know who to invite, so I got the honor of standing by her side while she got her other bridesmaids in WI to do the bridal shower. She also paid for my ticke to go, and I got my boyfriend to foot the bill for the dress, which was only about $160, so no big deal. Her parents paid for all of us girls to get our hair and nails done, so all I was left to do was snag some cute shoes, and get her a gift. :) Best friend ever! But I do agree with a lot of this and have asked my boyfriend that when we get married we elope and then come home and have a big BYOB party and grill out with the family. :) I'm a simple girl.
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Tuesday 27 October
By Michelle
I actually LOVE being in weddings and all the fun wedding stuff!! BUT a few months ago, my fiance called off our fall wedding. I am in a friends' wedding in the spring and I just dont have a strong enough heart to go through the whole wedding process. I have been in one wedding this past weekend, since my own got called off and I had a reeeally hard time!
How do I back out of my other friend's wedding in an appropriate way? I have been strong for the last 5 months and I just need to be "selfish" now and take care of myself, without putting myself in another situation that hurts me... My friend is no the most understanding person, i just know my heart won't be in it if I continue the bridesmaids process for now. What do I do!??!!
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Thursday 17 June
By Tina
I'm so frustrated with being a bridesmaid. I got married 10 years ago and didn't make this big of deal out of it. Plus bought the dresses and tuxes for our party. We were asking them after all.
You can NOT opt out without being a jerk... so you suck it up and pay out the a-hole. $100 for the shower/plus gift, $100 for the bach party, $120 for the dress, expensive gift for wedding. Really?? I can think of so many better things to buy with $400 to $500 on. Can my being in the wedding be the gift???
Oh, also loved the wedding I was in where both my husband and I were part of the party, cost us $1000.
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