Susan Crain Bakos is a research sexologist, sex journalist and author. Here, she tells us how to have an orgasm while giving a guy oral sex -- a tip from her book "The New Tantra."If you're in a relationship, you probably have quid pro quo sex: You arouse him with some oral sex, he returns so you can orgasm, you shift to intercourse for his peak and finish with The Cuddle for your benefit.
Give your sex life a jolt with fellatio that will rock both of your worlds (really!). It's time modern women got down on our knees for something other than a yoga class -- to really worship his penis.
Click here to read more after the jump.
Worthy of Worship
Open veneration of the penis was practiced throughout history -- right up to the point where it was repressed in Christianity. We in the West erect more subtle monuments to the male organ, like the Washington Monument, but we all see the message: male power.
How do you practice phallus worship? Make love to his penis. Not him, his penis. Every man secretly wants to experience a woman in thrall to the power of his sexual organ.
Venerate Your Man
In that moment, he becomes his penis, because your passion is pure -- not dependent on his money or status or good looks. (Sometimes it's the best part of him, isn't it? I've had more than one intense personal relationship where I loved the penis -- but the man, not so much. I call it being dick-matized.)
But trust me: Make love to his penis alone and the man, its life support system, will love you for that.
Really, there is no better way of reducing the stress and tension of daily life than taking a penis into your mouth and sucking. It's the big girl's pacifier.
Perfect BJ Prep
First: Get down on your knees, grasp that big boy and look at it.
Have you ever really done that? A penis is a beautiful thing. Each one is a different work of art.
Second: Pay close attention to how the penis responds as you lick and suck and stroke.
The obvious mouth moves -- sucking the head, swirling your tongue around the corona, strumming the frenulum -- always work. But that penis has its special little places. Find them. One of my all-time favorite organs had this spot on the underside of the shaft, about a third of the way down. I could make it come by sucking there.
If you need some inspiration, check out my technique, The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.
How to Get Yours While You're Down There
I call this the Wild Card Chakra Trick. Chakra number five, located at the throat, is said to be the chakra of creative expression.
Some women can reach orgasm while performing fellatio because there really is a physiological connection between the throat and the vagina. If you are one of those women, this is your extra-sexual-energy zone. You feel the direct connection between mouth/throat and genitals.
There is a quick way to find out if you have the potential to come while giving a blowjob. Suck the head of his penis and pay attention to how your throat is responding. If it seems to quiver or vibrate faintly in time with your sucking, you can do this.
As you are sucking, breathe deeply and rhythmically. Imagine that your breath is a circle of fire inhaled into your nostrils, filling your mouth and throat and exhaled through your genitals. Flex your PC muscle in time with your breathing and sucking. (Do you practice Kegel exercises? A strong PC is required.) Make intense eye contact with him as he nears ejaculation.
You can also make it happen if you learn The Orgasm Loop, my no-fail, even no-hands orgasm technique.
It's a thrilling way to come -- especially if your orgasm and his happen simultaneously.
Susan Crain Bakos is a research sexologist, sex journalist and the author of 16 books including the international best-seller "The Sex Bible." Visit her blog celebrating and empowering women's sexuality, SexyPrime.
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Comments:
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Thursday 06 May
By Amy
Oh My Gosh LoL This is just like a Man ... Worship the Almighty Penis.... Gaze at the Beautiful Penis. I am laughing my behind off right now. Give me a Break and Men get over yourselves !!!!
Reply
Tuesday 11 May
By Susan Crain Bakos
I rarely read comments attached to articles like this (which it so happens I wrote) because so much of the feedback comes from angry prudish women who say the predictable things. But this is an interesting mix of people and opinions, some very well-informed opinions.....
a fair share of angry prudish women, of course.....but more than that.
Why do women feel the need to attack the author viciously and belittle articles like this one? When I read something I don't like or find helpful, I move on. Why disparage the idea of worshipping a man's cock--when no doubt you would be on board with vulva worship?
I doubt that serious issues like homelessness, hunger, poverty get the haters as riled up as the idea of a woman having an orgasm while giving a blow job. That is pathetic.
Reply
Friday 29 July
By Greenpraxis
When I first read this comment, I wasn't aware that the writer was the author but I felt that this spoke the truth. I imagine that it's easy for some folks to dismiss Ms. Bakos' writing as a biased article that caters to the "male wishful thinking/a way for men to validate their own needs while being serviced by women."
However, I would tell folks to try to find related information by search engines; there's not many resources about women who experience pleasure while giving head. I consider myself blessed to be one of them but it feels very isolating when I don't know anyone who actually enjoys the act itself/ seeing it as a demeaning chore. The internet is a boon to outliers like ourselves.
I work for women's reproductive rights and sex education. I have no qualms about giving blowjobs because it's my choice to give them. To Bakos, I realize that you are an experienced writer; don't let the naysayers get you down. The people who do appreciate what you're sharing, are out there, reading.
Thursday 26 August
By maryjane
wow, i thought i was alone in this. id rather give an intense and rough bj than fuck cuz it gets me off. people who say its bullshit just dont have the same physical response...doesnt mean it doesnt happen to people.
Reply
Monday 20 September
By jojoperterson
Susan Bakos is as transparent as saran wrap. No white man in his right mind would give her the time of day, so she tries to turn the tables and make it look as though it was her choice! Everyone knows the truth you wrinkled old bag. I'm sure all of your family and friends are just sooooo proud of you for "breaking boundaries" with that insightful article!
Reply
Tuesday 02 November
By Big dick guy
My ex loved giving me head and orgasmed several times while doing so. Not everytime, but when she did occasionally she would let me know. It was her favorite thing to do, even more than sex. She would literally suck my dick for hours on end and initiate in constantly, so you cant tell me she didnt enjoy it.
All you skeptics need to be aware that everyone likes different things.
Reply
Friday 24 December
By zorba
I am white and I would give Susan the time of day, as a matter of fact I would give her all the time she wanted. What the hell is your problem?
Sex is universal, and there is only one race of humans on Earth. We have different ethnic groups but there is only the one human race.
I am 65 and have prefered oral sex with females since my first time in 1958 when I was 12. (I was 5'10" & 210 pounds muscular) That girl was 16, she went on to teach me a lot about sex. That was a beautiful year to me, we met often in the hay loft.
From 13 to 36 I had sex with at least 1,000 women, most during the ten years I was a Hippie.
I fathered 37 kids that I know of, but always prefered 69 to intercourse.
I loved to hear and feel the women I was with moaning with pleasure as I licked, kissed and sucked their clit and vagina, I stuck with it until they climaxed three or more times. It turned me on to please them, I always got beautiful head during or after.
In all that time I met a hundred or so women who gave me head without asking, sometimes three or more times a day. They loved to have my penis in their mouths, they told me so. Most of them climaxed while sucking and swirling their tonques around my penis. Maybe being a body builder helped, I dont know, I was 6'2", 235lbs, black hair & green eyes, a Greek-American, scorpio.
I traveled the world and had sex with women in scores of countries, I prefered black women and creole women. My wife of 26 years is creole, from east Texas, she is very light colored. My eldest child is 50, the youngest 18. We no longer get along well and sex has almost stopped, I am sad these days.
There are all kinds of people, with all kinds of desires in this old world,
Finding the right person for you is the ultimate quest.
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Tuesday 04 January
By cisco909sb
This article is straight from the retro x-rated movie "Deep Throat" with Linda Lovelace. She had a clitoris in her throat. LOL Not possible!
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Wednesday 05 January
By zwoman
Hi, I am a woman, let's start with that. I believe the women that have issue with this article, are women that do NOT like to give head. This article is talking about the woman getting pleasure out of this act. If your feeling is that it is a chore, if you are not already getting pleasure when you have a rock hard cock in your mouth, then any article that seems to say, Suck Dick, is going to piss you off. I have always enjoyed it. I was with one man and one man only until I was 44. We had a stable relationship that slide into a lack of respect and total BS relationship. When I sucked him, I would enjoy the act and I would take him deep and it was good. Or so I thought . . . . . After we divorced, I got with my current fella. He and are are good, very good together and the bond that we have is deep. When I suck on his cock, it is so much more then with the other one. I cannot describe how it feels, but we are supposed to be together. Okay, before I bore you to tears, (hopefully not too late) I tell you all that, because I do know what it is to get off while giving a BJ. I can only do it with him though, and no one else. We have gotten into the swinging and I have sucked multiply cocks, and really given some astonishingly deep throats, to some regular size as well as a couple of really big dicks. Again, I enjoy them all, a lot, a whole lot, (did I mention I LOVE to suck cock) but my fella is the only one that has ever gotten me to cum from fucking my face. Believe me, when the other guys see it happen (oh yeah, forgot to mention I am a squirter) they want to know what he or I do to make it happen. How to explain that it is the connection we have between us, the bond, the mind communication we have that allows this to happen. It really truly is making love to the penis, but is is also, really truly making love to my throat as well. Aha, see, you women never thought of your throat as the sex organ it can be, it should be. I hope you someday discover this joy too.
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Saturday 08 January
By mary
I am wondering if a man really wrote this !!
Reply
Sunday 20 March
By Ghunter
Well I know how much more I get exited aroused and all that while I'm goin down on her and tryin which I finally did to get her to acheive female ejaculation it make mine 100 time better
Reply
Friday 01 April
By Alpha
the author is a very unatractive middle aged woman whos sexual reality consists of drawing in poor african men into her bed with promises of a green card.
seriously.
Reply
Sunday 31 July
By nikita
I get nice n' wet when I give my hubby oral sex!!!
Reply