Susan Crain Bakos is a research sexologist, sex journalist and author. Here, she tells us how to have an orgasm while giving a guy oral sex -- a tip from her book "The New Tantra."If you're in a relationship, you probably have quid pro quo sex: You arouse him with some oral sex, he returns so you can orgasm, you shift to intercourse for his peak and finish with The Cuddle for your benefit.
Give your sex life a jolt with fellatio that will rock both of your worlds (really!). It's time modern women got down on our knees for something other than a yoga class -- to really worship his penis.
Click here to read more after the jump.
Worthy of Worship
Open veneration of the penis was practiced throughout history -- right up to the point where it was repressed in Christianity. We in the West erect more subtle monuments to the male organ, like the Washington Monument, but we all see the message: male power.
How do you practice phallus worship? Make love to his penis. Not him, his penis. Every man secretly wants to experience a woman in thrall to the power of his sexual organ.
Venerate Your Man
In that moment, he becomes his penis, because your passion is pure -- not dependent on his money or status or good looks. (Sometimes it's the best part of him, isn't it? I've had more than one intense personal relationship where I loved the penis -- but the man, not so much. I call it being dick-matized.)
But trust me: Make love to his penis alone and the man, its life support system, will love you for that.
Really, there is no better way of reducing the stress and tension of daily life than taking a penis into your mouth and sucking. It's the big girl's pacifier.
Perfect BJ Prep
First: Get down on your knees, grasp that big boy and look at it.
Have you ever really done that? A penis is a beautiful thing. Each one is a different work of art.
Second: Pay close attention to how the penis responds as you lick and suck and stroke.
The obvious mouth moves -- sucking the head, swirling your tongue around the corona, strumming the frenulum -- always work. But that penis has its special little places. Find them. One of my all-time favorite organs had this spot on the underside of the shaft, about a third of the way down. I could make it come by sucking there.
If you need some inspiration, check out my technique, The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.
How to Get Yours While You're Down There
I call this the Wild Card Chakra Trick. Chakra number five, located at the throat, is said to be the chakra of creative expression.
Some women can reach orgasm while performing fellatio because there really is a physiological connection between the throat and the vagina. If you are one of those women, this is your extra-sexual-energy zone. You feel the direct connection between mouth/throat and genitals.
There is a quick way to find out if you have the potential to come while giving a blowjob. Suck the head of his penis and pay attention to how your throat is responding. If it seems to quiver or vibrate faintly in time with your sucking, you can do this.
As you are sucking, breathe deeply and rhythmically. Imagine that your breath is a circle of fire inhaled into your nostrils, filling your mouth and throat and exhaled through your genitals. Flex your PC muscle in time with your breathing and sucking. (Do you practice Kegel exercises? A strong PC is required.) Make intense eye contact with him as he nears ejaculation.
You can also make it happen if you learn The Orgasm Loop, my no-fail, even no-hands orgasm technique.
It's a thrilling way to come -- especially if your orgasm and his happen simultaneously.
Susan Crain Bakos is a research sexologist, sex journalist and the author of 16 books including the international best-seller "The Sex Bible." Visit her blog celebrating and empowering women's sexuality, SexyPrime.
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Comments:
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Wednesday 29 July
By Edie
Dear Lemondrop,
You never cease to amaze me.
Sincerely,
Edie
Reply
Wednesday 29 July
By me
Um........... no. Haha.
"Some women can reach orgasm while performing fellatio because there really is a physiological connection between the throat and the vagina"
No, there isnt, only in misogynists' minds. Seriously, you could have come up with a more believable lie, like, "...there really is a physiological connection between sucking dick and having orgasms yourself, because of the magical blue dragons"
This article is soo dumb. I lol'd.
Reply
Thursday 30 July
By really
Agreed but you 'lol'd' it? I dont think it takes much for you to think something is 'soo dumb.' Have a nice day.
Thursday 27 August
By Mick Luven
Such a display of ignorance.
Thursday 30 July
By Milly
Dear author,
I can't tell if you're an idiot or just a liar. Either way, thanks for insulting my intelligence.
Reply
Thursday 27 August
By Mick Luven
Ignorance appears rampant.
Monday 21 September
By chrissydink
Sorry if you have never experienced this, I honestly felt embarrassed because it always happens to me. I would try and hold back, or not let them know when I was having an orgasm. But now I am with a man who I am able to let go, and he loves it, as much as I do. Now I hate to say this but I have better, stronger orgasms when I am giving him oral pleasure! I honestly enjoy it more. I sometimes place my vibrator between my legs while he is in my mouth, for an extra banging sensation!
Thursday 30 July
By Milly
Do not email me
Reply
Friday 31 July
By Elizabeth
"The big girls' pacifier"? Really?
I am not 100% discounting this article - as I've had hands free orgasms, so maybe this is possible... but the language makes me feel like a 12 year old in sex-ed. Too awkward.
Reply
Sunday 02 August
By lola
I always come when I go down on my man. I enjoy the act, the control, that I have his total attention, just the whole activity. Its like a long, sexy, deep kiss that you get lost in, only more initmate. My enthusiasm is matched by his appreciation. A good time is had by all!
Reply
Tuesday 04 August
By Liz
I don't know about achieving an orgasm while going down on my man but I have had on three different occasions an orgasm while giving him a hand job, so I believe that there is a link
Reply
Thursday 06 August
By JOY
People laugh at me when I tell them that I can almost think myself into an orgasm..You have to know yourself to be comfortable enough to think yourself into it.. But I have gotten so close.....Belive me it does take time but it can be done
Reply
Saturday 08 August
By Gail
I'm with ya Chickie.....Been there, done that plenty of times....they say the best errogenous zone if the mind and being able to orgasm with your mind only is mind blowing indeeed. :)
Friday 09 October
By Michele
yep, the mind is a powerful thing. I have had orgasms in my sleep and can sometimes will myself to have one or at least come close.
Monday 23 November
By Iris
I've come close to hands-free orgasms, too, but this article isn't talking about that. It's talking about how we're all supposed to be so into servicing our man that we just spontaneously erupt into ecscasy. The worst part is, I actually ~love~ giving head, and the attitude represented by this article makes me so mad I feel guilty for enjoying it!
Wednesday 05 August
By sterculius
I'm a married, straight male cocksucker and on occasion, I would cum while giving a deep throat blowjob to my best high school friend. It didn't happen very often, but when it did, it felt terrific.
Reply
Tuesday 23 March
By DrBear
You're gay. I don't mean that as an insult because there is nothing wrong with being gay, but if you're a man and you enjoy sucking dick, you're gay. Period.
Tuesday 07 December
By Kevin
I wife never gave me a BJ. She said she felt nothing when doing it. Why should she do it.
Thursday 06 August
By Ed Zactly
Actually, she's correct about this. Different major nerves are in play for the g-spot orgasm and the clitoral orgasm. The same major nerve for the g-spot ("vagina") is affected in the lower throat (though clearly with fewer and less sensitive nerve endings in the latter).
If you want to read further on the physiology, a good layman's expanation can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Female-Ejaculation-G-Spot-Mothers-Positively/dp/089793380X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249604241&sr=1-1
These nerve/orgasm relationships are what's behind childbirth orgasms during delivery.
Reply
Thursday 27 August
By Mick Luven
When we stimulate the throat, we are triggering and using our vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is a big one. It's long and it branches a lot of times as it snakes throughout our body. It innervates the voicebox, the throat, the upper palate, the heart, the lungs and portions of the digestive system. You can look it up on any resource site to understand it better.
But what those research sites don't often say is that not only does it innervate the throat and chest, it is directly connected to the cervix and uterus. What does this mean for women's pleasure? Beverly Whipple and Barry Komisaruk have investigated the vagus nerve and deep vaginal orgasms in women who have spinal cord injuries. This spinal cord compromise causes them to lack feeling in their lower extremities, thus not allowing them the capacity to feel orgasms by other nerve structures (There are four major nerve pathways to orgasm for women and three for men). The vagus nerve doesn't travel through the spinal cord, however. Deep, penetrative sexual activities that affect the cervix and stimulate the uterus trigger orgasm via this nerve. These women can have and feel the orgasms.
Opening up the mouth, chest cavity (through slow, deep breathing) and orgasmic capacities via the vagus nerve may lead to powerful orgasms and possibly multiples and female ejaculation. When women emit deep, low sounds from their abdomens and with their mouths wide open this can sometimes lead to longer lasting, powerful orgasms and even female ejaculation. This all makes sense if you consider that the vagus nerve connects all of these functions, throat, chest, cervix and uterus, and that when they are utilized to the fullest extent of the nerve, and all of its endings, the nerve becomes so activated that it produces out of body pleasure that is more than the sum of its parts, so to speak.