In this Lemondrop exclusive, "24" star Mary Lynn Rajskub explores how messy closets and designer tank tops are thwarting her attempts to self-actualize.
I was watching "Truth Be Told: I'm a Hoarder" when I saw the man's sad face. He held up a tiny wire snowman dressed in pink and purple mittens and said, "If I throw this away, it will be like throwing away the memory of my mother. It reminds me of her."
I feel the same way about my Michael Stars tank top. It's soft and feminine, made out of that 'lived in T-shirt' material. When I put it on, it looks like crap; but if I throw it away, I am discarding the person who would wear this tank top.
The Tank Situation
I have to wear a bra or else my nipples would show -- no, my whole breasts would show. The tank hangs so low it won't even cover my bra cups, and my bra straps are way thicker than the spaghetti straps of the shirt.
I am embarrassed because I'm sure there is some obvious component to dressing I am missing, but what do you wear under this? Maybe I'm supposed to wear a tight tank top underneath. I'm not sure.
What I do know is that if I knew how to wear this tank top, I would be more beautiful. I would be like Jennifer Connelly, Keira Knightley, Rachel Weisz or Amanda Peet. I would have amazing eyes so deep that men could jump in and swim a few laps.
Click here to read more about Mary Lynn's dilemma after the jump.
Not only would wearing this tank top make me more beautiful (that's a given), but I would become a better person. A $50 tank top is so much more than an article of clothing. It says to the world: I'm casual, feminine, particular, efficient, expensive, mindful. I am ready to be serious, yet I can smile and have a good time at any moment.
Of course, it's not just about wearing the tank top; it's about dressing every day. Every day I must wake up a winner. If you were to enter my closet, it would be clear that I don't really want to get up in the morning. Slumber is my escape; the closet is the confusion I face after waking. My dream is to breathe a sigh of relief when I get dressed.
Upon seeing my closet, you might think, It's not that bad, at least she has wood hangers
or, It's nicer than my closet.
It is a nice closet, but it's a nice closet I don't deserve.
None of the tank tops are right. I don't know what I like, or what I want to look like. I'm constantly trying to get organized, but it's never complete and the mess always comes back. If I could just organize my wardrobe, I'm sure I would be a better person: connected, calm, more confident.
One Iron Away
A friend of mine says that no matter what I do, I will never change. This same friend has her housekeeper iron her pajamas every night. I don't understand this. Are her pajamas dirty after one night? She can't hang them up because they've been worn, but she can't really wash them every night ... can she
? She might be the wrong person to turn to for advice. I may be on the precipice of becoming slightly deranged.
I still don't know what regular people do. If only I knew what I liked to wear. When I finally get a shirt I like, I'll wear it every day until I can't wear it anymore.
If only I had the ironed pajamas and the monogrammed robe, I'm sure I would be kinder and give more to charity. I would be centered and elegant. I will continue to stride ahead and keep you informed of my progress. And I still don't know what to do with the M Stars tank top.
Mary Lynn Rajskub is best known as computer genius Chloe O'Brian in FOX's "24." The actress/writer/performer will next be seen in next month's "Julie & Julia," starring Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. She appeared in films such as "Little Miss Sunshine," "Firewall," "Legally Blonde II," "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Dude, Where's My Car." She currently resides in Los Angeles.
Tell us in the comments -- what article of clothing can you not get rid of?