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After a near decade-long study of one of science's most important mysteries, the cause of beer bellies has finally been determined. Thankfully it's not alcohol -- it's more your granddaddy's fault than all the Old Granddad.

Granted, people who drink regularly are likely to put on more weight (because of the calories in alcohol, durrr), but the weight isn't deposited strictly in the beer gut zone. (We shall henceforth call our saddlebags "whiskeybags.")

"Beer bellies" occurred pretty randomly among the 20,000 study participants, independent of their drinking habits. Researchers concluded that the "where" of weight gain has more to do with genetics than the amount of Coors you consume.

So, if you're sporting a pooch, just tack it on to the list of reasons why you hate your parents, and drown your sorrows in a nice, cold, frosty one.