Meet Joshua Fuentes. He's been accused of feeling up little girls while floating down the Roa Rapids ride at the Aquatica water park in Orlando, Fla. He's 23. The girls are aged 12 to 14.

What's Josh's defense? He wasn't near the park? No. He'd never break the law? No. Sitting behind bars after several girls turned him in, he actually had the brilliance, and the balls, to say it was funny he was accused because: "I'm a handsome dude. I don't need to be fondling little girls."

Yes, the old "ultra suave" defense: The molesters who fondle little girls are too ugly to get dates. We've seen "To Catch a Predator," and there are definitely some young, cute and evil guys to go along with the ugly ones.

Oh, and Mr. "Too Hot to Molest"? Let us be the first to tell you you're definitely not all that.