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Lemondrop Tests: Does Colonblow help you lose weight with a little Roto Rooter-ing magic?

Don't be frightened by the promising suggestion of intestinal violence in Colonblow, a 24-hour intestinal detox kit. I guess I ought to have been wary of any real product born of an SNL parody, but I consider myself the George Mallory of fad diets and weird cleanses -- and I was ready to get my blow on.

The fiber-and-senna-based detox works thusly: Thrice daily, in lieu of food, one swallows two Colonblow capsules and a sludgy mixture of water and Colonblow powder (which tastes like shredded wheat left to sit in an old aquarium). This routine is observed for 24 hours, after which, the magic begins. And by "magic," I mean "slow and terrifying bathroom odyssey."

I'm not quite sure if the results were so horrifying because I had successfully Liquid Plumr'd my intestines, or because I had spent the past 24 hours consuming nothing but Sagrada Bark and gelatin. The only thing I felt cleansed of is my innocence.

Price: $32.95
Rating: 1 out of 5 ShamWows

Julieanne Smolinski is an editor at Lemondrop.




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