What happens after you've had your super-glittery Sweet Sixteen, souped-up prom with the must-have prom dress that now makes you gag and over-the-top (and the budget) wedding? You have an "extreme" high school reunion. Duh.
High school reunions have always been a chance to one-up the competition, but people are starting to go to extremes -- hiring strippers, finding hot model-types to flank their sides and lying about career accomplishments.
I'm the Quarterback, I'm Popular ... Not
No matter what anybody tells you, our high school trauma stays with us. Tune in to a daytime talk shows from time to time, and you'll see victims confronting their childhood bullies or showing off their formerly flabby but now fit bods to the popular girls who once called them "thunder thighs."
If you spent your four years being stuffed into lockers or having maxi pads whipped at your head, a reunion is like a chance to undo it all, or at least show your once-scoffing peers that you've become totally fabulous despite their torture. The problem is, what if you haven't?
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The Bold and the Batshit Insane
That's why freelance comedy writer and former high school outcast Andrea Wachner, 31, whom we told you about in April, hired a stripper named Cricket to go to her 10-year reunion in her place. Wachner even fed Cricket lines to make her sound more believing and filmed the outlandish affair -- which was promptly undone when Cricket actually started to strip.
Then there's Will Preuss, the 1993 class president of Kirkwood High in Missouri, who hired an actress to play "Lynn Miller," a "classmate" he made up for his 10-year reunion. Preuss registered her as a student as part of the sociological experiment, which was made into the movie "Crash Reunion." "Lynn" rattled guests by saying she was a three-time divorcee, a former hand model and an aspiring psychic bookstore owner who needed to crash at a classmate's pad.
Some guests didn't buy the ploy while others assumed they just didn't remember "Lynn" from school. Preuss said there was even a movement to impeach him as class president by some particularly addled classmates -- thereby proving that if your peers couldn't take a joke in high school, they probably still can't now.
We say what the heck to playing pranks. It might be the last chance you have to mess with the kid who was forever snapping your bra or the girl who threatened to expose your Beanie Baby collection if you didn't give her the homework answers.
So, who are the former classmates you'd love to get back at?