Lemondrop

Road-tripping -- it's one of America's great traditions, like baseball, hangovers and casually ignoring the homeless. A unique bonding experience awaits those who press tires with the open road and wave a middle finger to rising gas prices.

So, if you're thinking about spending the long weekend on an auto odyssey with your guy in hopes of high-speed romance, throw these futile phrases in the trunk. Otherwise, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

10. "Why couldn't we have flown?"
A road trip is cheap, fun and a perfect chance to connect with someone minus the rumbling jet engine, unintelligible stewardess and piss-soaked infant drowning out the conversation.

9. "Let's pick up that hitchhiker."
Just about every American state has laws directly or indirectly prohibiting the act of hitchhiking. So, in addition to becoming a criminal by scooping up that Boone's-scented transient, you'll also risk becoming part of an ectoplasmic urban legend.

8. "I've never seen 'National Lampoon's Vacation.'"
Netflix it. Now. If you don't, you'll never understand how hilarious it is when we hit an embankment and jump the Family Truckster 50 yards ... (pause) ... 50 yards.

7. "I'm gonna take a nap."
Rule #1: The co-pilot can't sleep; it's rude and inconsiderate to the driver. Rule #2: If you break Rule #1, we're allowed to take pictures of you drooling all over the seat belt.

Click here to read the top six.

6. "You're driving too fast!"
It's a physics thing -- if we drive faster than the speed of sound, we won't have to hear you nagging.

5. "You're driving too slow!"
See above; this time, the plan is to stop moving so -- like a Tyrannosaurus Rex -- you won't be able to see us.

4. "Ask for directions!"
You mean plug in the GPS lighter/car adapter?

3. "Surprise! I made a playlist!"
If you're going to defy the age-old driver-gets-to-be-DJ rule, why not make a playlist together? That way, you won't have to do all the work, and we won't have to pretend you have good taste in music.

2. "No beef jerky!"
Listen, not only is beef jerky the single greatest road-trip snack of all time, it's also a fantastic source of protein and is low in fat. Just be sure to drink plenty of water to offset the monster sodium content.

1. "When are we gonna stop to pee?"
Duh. When we run out of beef jerky.