A few weeks back, HeartMath sent us an emWave, a device they billed as a "Personal Stress Reliever."

I was hoping it would do something awesome, like erase my painful memories of dating Jim Carrey, or at least deliver a mild shock to my enemies.

You clip its sensor to your ear, and a colored LED lets you know if you're breathing like you should or whether you're totally spazzing out. At this point I wondered if a "personal stress reliever device" was merely a high-tech paper bag with a deceptively erotic-sounding name. I always get uneasy when a product promises "personal growth."

To test the device, I deliberately endangered my own "individual balance" by placing myself in high-stress situations. Below, I pit the emWave against some proven anti-anxiety agents, and rated them on the "McConaughey Scale" of easy livin'.

Click here to see the results of my highly scientific experiment.

Stressful Scenario: Flying on a rickety plane in a storm
Stress Reliever: White wine and a Xanax
I was sort of wigged out, because my plane seemed to be constructed out of paperclips, balsa wood and foolish optimism. Luckily, this stress reliever is pretty fail-safe. I did wake up in Canada, although admittedly that was sort of the original goal.
McConaughey Rating: 3 out of 4 Flip-Flops

Stressful Scenario: Going stag to a family wedding
Stress Reliever: Violence
I spent the wedding dancing with various relatives and wishing I hadn't blown through that Xanax. So I slugged the ex-boyfriend who was originally supposed to go with me. It felt great. Maybe if the emWave could bruise, or at least scream in pain when you threw it, it would deliver the same satisfaction.
McConaughey Rating: 2.5 out of 3 Bundles of Sage

Stressful Scenario: Asking others to try the emWave
Stress Reliever: The emWave
Conclusions: People are surprisingly uncool about being ambushed with personal stress-relief devices. Demonstrating the product by breathing heavily and wearing a ribbed turtleneck sweater seems to do little to aid the relief.
McConaughey Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Terrycloth Union Suits


Stressful Scenario: Emailing a guy I have a crush on
Stress Reliever: The music of Hall and Oates
Conclusions: Usually I save "You Make My Dreams Come True" for the first time I bring a guy home. In this case it's surprisingly effective when coupled with Xanax, as long as you don't mind accidentally CCing your dad and your boss.
McConaughey Rating: 7 out of 10 Lite Beers Served in a Hot Tub

(All images courtesy of emWave.)