Lemondrop

When my mom died recently, I ended up with bags and bags of her yarn. She had been taking knitting classes before she died and obviously had a lot of projects planned.

I found myself with a living room full of bags of yarn and knitting needles made of bamboo and aluminum that she had collected, and I felt very sad. Oh, Mom, I wondered, What was your plan? What were you going to do with all this yarn?

I didn't know how to knit, so I considered donating it all -- it was good yarn. Expensive stuff. But then it hit me. I Googled "knitting" and found a class just a few short blocks from my apartment, picked up the phone and called them.

Two days later I was knitting. I was knitting with my mother's needles and yarn.

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I enrolled in a beginner's class, and before I knew it, I was making an actual scarf ... and it didn't look half bad. Then I went to YouTube and found all sorts of tutorials on knitting, and a few days later I was knitting AND purling.

It's very sloppy, but I'm doing it and I'm doing it for my dear sweet mom whom I love and miss. When I knit, I feel closer to her. I talk to her. "Mom, I have no idea what you had planned for this yarn but I hope it's OK if I make it into a scarf since that's all I can make right now." And I feel like she's cool with that and proud of me for learning to knit in her honor.

My "Rage" Scarf

I like to call my first piece my "Rage scarf"; as I knitted it, I was angry that my mom had to die of cancer at 58 years old. I was angry at how she had been treated by medical professionals, and I just thought about all of that and as I knit each stitch, I felt my anger melting away. In the end I had a beautiful scarf and much less rage.

I realized that the knitting had turned into a form of meditation for me. So I thought that instead of focusing on anger, I'd focus on more positive things. With each stitch I would quietly say "love" in my mind. I call it my "Love scarf." I'm working on it now. Sometimes I put down the Love scarf and I pick up my Forgiveness scarf and work on that. So as I knit, I meditate on love and forgiveness. I've been calling it knititation.

Zen Purls of Wisdom

I've been reading and found out that knitting lowers your heart rate, lowers your metabolism and relieves stress just like meditation, so there really is something to this.

You can't think about anything when you're knitting; you can't worry. Breathe in, breathe out, knit one, love, purl one, forgiveness, knit one, love, purl one, forgiveness ... If meditating is too boring for you, you might want to consider knititation. If you don't know how to knit, there are classes you can take at your local yarn stores and, if you're really smart, you can use YouTube to learn. (Heck, if you live near Studio City I'd meet you at a coffee shop and teach you myself.)

There are so many kinds of yarns, and I find just feeling the textures and smelling them very relaxing. Maybe I'm weird, but I find it quite comforting to squish some soft mushy yarn in my hands.

When I'm knitting I'm not thinking about being unemployed. I'm not thinking of my mom's painful cancer death (and trust me I think of it often). And I'm not thinking about the problems of the world.

I'm thinking, Knit one, knit one, knit one ... love.