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The first time I strayed -- I messed around on one high-school boyfriend with the next one -- I called it "overlap." By college, I was overlapping all the time. My sister called me "boy crazy." Once, when I confided to my mother that I was torn between Peter and Matt, she barely contained her disapproval. "You have your father's sex drive," she said. Ouch, I thought. But then, a second later: Could this be a genealogical pattern? What happens when the right person comes along?
I got married nearly two years ago to exactly the right person. I fell in love immediately and -- cringe -- told him so on -- cringe, flinch, recoil -- our second date. On our wedding day, I missed my dad terribly, like any fatherless bride, but something else was bugging me: Would I be able to respect marriage in a way that my father never could?
The other night at a dinner party, I posed a question to the table: "Could there be a gene for infidelity?" I asked. "No," said my doctor friend Michael through a mouthful of pasta. There is no coil in DNA that makes a person cheat. Period. But surely not all of our proclivities are learned, I said. Some of us are born loving public speaking or being great at languages -- it just takes a few years to know it. So what if there is a libido gene? And a gene for impulsiveness? And what if a person has both?
"Sounds like an excuse," replied Michael.
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Thursday 11 June
By Nancy Dufrene
My dad cheated on my mother over and over ,he put her through hell, she had to have her bed perfect no winkles are he would attack her for cheating on him!! thats when he got home from work in the evenings, he was never a dad we his five kids , didnt belong to him , it gets worse,, long story, I found out i have a half brother at my grandmothers funeral.(his Mother), my mom died AT the young age of 53, i blame him for that,why she didnt divorce him, i guess back then where to go with 5 kids ,she didnt have a job ,,but the biggest one that we ment world to her was us !! i bet you think we hated him in ways we all did, but when he went into a home we all went day and night to make sure he was being taking care of.I have been married for allmost 30 years and yes i had a lot of times i could have cheated , i never want to be like my dad, for i remember the pain and the crys of mom to well !!! know i have the pain and heart break of finding out my husband cheated on me,, a year and half ago.we did have problems but you see he tore me apart and i tried to kill my self 2 times from the pain , you need to think ahead before doing cheating becouse your kids are affected and family ,, you hurt alot of peaple that you love very badly,, our son has not been the same ,grades drop in school .. he was only 10 when this happened , my Daughter said dad you where like superman to me not any more ..I am trying to make my marriage work,it is so hard and the pain is so unreal !! all i can do is one day at a time,SO THINK BEFORE A MAN ARE WOMAN CHEAT IF YOU HAVE A LOVE ONES ARE FAMILY,, THINK ABOUT THE OUY COME LATER, WHO WILL BE HURT !!!!!!!!!!!!! PAIN ,HURT,SO UNREAL, REMEMBER YOUR VOWS YOU TAKE,DO THE MEAN ANYTHING ANY MORE ????
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Thursday 11 June
By Kyle
i wish i could understand this..
Thursday 11 June
By Jan Prueitt
My biological father was mean, an alcoholic and habitual cheater, course back in the 50's this was not the end all. My mother divoced him when I was 13, the happiest day of my life at that time -- no more fear, or hearing about the philandering. My step-father helped me regain my confidence in men by being a real father to me. I love and adore him to this day, I am taking care of him as he has dementia. I got married, had two little girls, their dad went of to a "secret" location during the Viet Nam era and had an affair the whole time he was there. I got pregnant when he came home and then this letter came from "the other woman" a 6 month diary of EVERYTHING they did. I told him to come home and read the letter, he said it was nothing, he never read the letter, it stayed where I put it. I TRIED to look beyond this affair but the phone calls kept going on so I left with the kids clothes and mine, my son's crib and his necessities. I couldn't get passed the loss of trust and respect for him so I raised my three children by myself as when I divorced him (two years later) he divorced the kids, they haven't seen or heard from him in over 35 years. I don't know what decision I would have made if this had happened in today's screwed up world and all the famous people doing things for all to see. My only regret? It has messed up the kids, they are just now realizing the Dad was not and never will be a part of their lives. I have watched them suffer through the years. No counseling in those days or pilots would be grounded for instability. I am 69 years old and, yes, it is easy to say "get over it" but I do think about what it would be like today, especially when I pray for him at night.
Thursday 11 June
By Ike
You can't always blame someone else for your own actions. If one or both of your parents have ever cheated it's not their fault that you're doing it now. I have had several girlfriends in the past and never cheated on a single one of them but have had a fair amount of them cheat on me. It sucks but life goes on. I don't like the fact that there are people out there that have taken vows and yet break them with infidelity to their significant other but it happens. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS AND STOP TRYING TO LAY BLAME ELSEWHERE!! I hate it when people are saying "Well he/she doesn't pay enough attention to me." Well, quit griping and get their attention if you feel like attention is the problem make it apparent to them don't go screwing the first person that gives you this attention because chances are they aren't gonna be there for you. Sometimes, people start off a good relationship like that but there's still someone else that's going to walk away hurt. If your parents did it, well you should've learned a lesson. All the pain, lies and turmoil that could result from these action are squarely on yourself. If you've made vows don't break them. Your wife/husband will greatly appreciate you through your whole life if it was meant to be. If it's that bad, try to talk it out first, be calm about it, and if it don't work break up or get a divorce before you go destroying your marriage/family over your lesser desires. If you're only dating and not engaged get to know them first before putting that ring on. Remember this, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN A RELATIONSHIP SO THINK BEFORE YOU CHEAT!!!
Thursday 11 June
By cataldoprincess
To pretend I can make a promise to stay with someone forever, for better or for worse, til death .... yada yada yada ... is nothing short of committing a fraud on myself. I do not know what the future holds. Some days I like some things, the next day my tastes and preferences change. One day I may like a vintage print, the next day I may like something more modern. Granted it's nice to have a companion but I have no use for a full time one, in fact they're too much of a liability, and I have my own pursuits and goals I'd like to go for without having to babysit someone else, thank you.
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Thursday 11 June
By Paris
Without question we all as adults work out or express through our emotions and conduct issues we learned and/or devoloped as a child. Some have intimacy issues others are abusive and as this article aptly points out some develop an inabilty to be monogomous or faithful. Regardless of the issue the benifit of counseling can not be understated .... it is one of the best favors one can do for oneself.
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Thursday 11 June
By karmabottle
I think that this writer is making excuses for a mental addiction that she has. A person doesn't "have" to do anything that they feel is wrong. The real issue here is that she doesn't feel cheating on lovers is wrong, and she gets an intense ego boost from it. I'd love to see a psychologist read this chick's beads.
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Thursday 11 June
By jimf
the sad part is the deceit. why doesn't she include her husband in the extra curricular activities ?
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Thursday 11 June
By robit15
Cheating is not genetic and never has been. You just have some psychiatric issues that have twisted your moral compass. I really suggest that you check on getting a good Doctor to help you with your issues to find out why you are doing what you are doing to belittle yourself in such a manner as cheating. If you truly love your fiance as you claimed in the article and do not want to break up the relationship, you will get some help as quickly as possible. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thursday 11 June
By Linda
I could have written this story myself. I did not realize why my Dad cheated until i read how your Dad tried to get love through other women. My Dad was horribly abused. His Dad raped his own daughter continuously. As an adult she was blind from diabetes. My Dad also abused my Mom. I didn't know what a healthy relationship was & am not sure I have it together today at the age of 59. I have been married eight times and about to be divorced for the eighth time. I used to blame my parents for my dysfunctional life, but you know how it goes... they could only give us what tools their parents gave them. After two children & several marriages, I finally realized I determine who I am. Linda
Thursday 11 June
By jelli jellie
I agreed with you.!
Thursday 11 June
By Bruce
The term "cheating" is usually used by females as they have been told by there mothers/peers every relationship should be an exclusive sexual one. If you're married, then it is cheating. Most men are raised differently. I would always "multi-date" which meant I was not dating anyone exclusively, but I would disclose this. It was always tricky as I had to develop many dodging techniques. The lady would accept me or not. TDating/sex is a voluntary social behavior. I simply wanted to have sex with as many women as I could. Why do women blame this infidelity on their fathers? You would never see this type of article written my a man.
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Thursday 11 June
By nick
what a ***** how could she possibly even dare to blame this on her parents? This is your responsibility honey. Pathetic is what this is, you should be ban from aim just from writing this. your disgusting.
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Thursday 11 June
By My opinion only
Well what comes to my mind is sex addicts anonymous! Sex and relationships can be as powerful as a high from drugs and or alcohol. I have friends who have struggled with addictions and are in recovery. Her story is not much different than the ones I have heard. Just a different drug of choice.
http://www.slaafws.org/
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
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Thursday 11 June
By Jessica
I'm sorry, this whole "I was born to cheat" is a load of garbage. I don't care who you are, how you were raised, how your father acted. You have your own brain, your own thoughts. The only reason you compulsively cheat is because you've consistently gotten away with it. You want to have your cake and eat it too.
I actually highly doubt you've ever known TRUE love. You can't say you love someone and then consciously go behind their back to cheat on them.
You have little respect for yourself, and even less respect for your partner.
You're not some sort of mutant alien controlled by outside forces. You have your own brain, your own thoughts, your own ideas and dare I say this? You CAN control yourself. You have just chosen not to.
I don't believe any of this crap and I feel so bad for you that you feel the need to run around on everyone you get with.
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Thursday 11 June
By Candie
A fabulous new by Dr. Ana Nogales call Parents Who Cheat (HCI Books) is coming out July 1st. It explains how a child's perception of love and marriage can be forever altered, how self-esteem and trust are often severely damaged, and why adult children owhose parents were unfatithful often choose unfaithful partners or become unfaithful themselves. I highly recommend it for ANYONE who had an unfaithful parent or who has been unfaithful to their partner--it DOES affect your children, whether you want to admit it or not.
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Thursday 11 June
By Jacki
I can't help but point out that most of the pro-cheating people on this post can't spell, so that tells you something about the education level of most of these people. This woman is just immature and selfish. She needs to learn that pretty much everyone will occasionally be attracted to someone else, whether married or not. However, for reasons which should be obvious, we don't act on every fricken impulse. This is what separates us humans from apes. To blame it on genes is just an excuse to justify her behavior in her own mind. It comes down to either having morals or none at all. Sounds like just another slut to me. Poor hubby.
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Thursday 11 June
By Rufus
I've always cheated. I can't help it. The idea is that when you're with a woman, there's ALWAYS someone better. as a human being, you have to have better. It's in our biological nature to cheat, to impregnate as many women as possible to keep the species going (thank god for birth control! haha) Marriage for mankind is unnatural, because it binds us only to one partner.
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Thursday 11 June
By Sydney
I really dont think you care about anyone. That may seem harsh but come on, it cant be 'genetic' that you cheat. Your just a jerk. maybe thats 'genetic' Seriosly, If you think that you "have" to cheat because its your destiny then you need to see a docter. Or start thinking about other peoples feelings... think about the people youve cheated on, think about how nice they probably were to you, think about how stupid they felt that they fell in love with you. Think about how horrible they thought you were... :] You need some help.... now lady, because your having prroblems with lying apperently and just being faifthful. Why would you even begin to THINK about the possibility that its in your blood huh? God gaves a little think called WILL.... and we do have the right to use it.... sooo you might want to get on that one. Do you really want your life to end up this way, guys not trustung u? (if i were aguy and i read this i would be scared to dat ever again!) Good luck with life... *btw* im not even a teen yet so think about what i said im just a kid and even i realized that this is stupid!
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Thursday 11 June
By sousbery
Cheating is a mathematical formula to destroy your life and your family life. The cheater may enjoy the moment, but after the sex he or she will feel like shit. Remember you just hurting yourself and your family.
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