'Celebrities At Home' With 'RHOA' Phaedra Parks
'Dancing With The Stars' Crowns A New Champion
But then he did come back. A few months later, he showed up at my graduation -- tan, fit, wearing a linen suit, his white hair longer than I'd ever seen it. I never spoke to him about his family sabbatical.
My father died 10 years ago and, to be fair, he was a great deal more than his infidelities. He had a Dickensian childhood -- raised in an orphanage, knew only poverty, never dreamed of going to college. He was highly intelligent (he invented film-processing systems that revolutionized photography), generous and so handsome that Catherine Deneuve flirted with him and Audrey Hepburn tried to buy him a drink. (He declined. I never learned why.) I take after my father in many ways -- I got his dark eyes, his hot temper, his taste for burned toast. And I understand why he cheated: There wasn't enough love in the world to make up for what he'd missed as a child. I just wish I wasn't doomed to repeat it.
(Click Next to continue reading.)
Read more from Marie Claire:
From Friend to Lover: Flirting 101
Her Divorce Ruined My Marriage
Real Woman Relationship Confessions
5 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Relationship
50 Cheap Date Ideas
Comments:
Add a comment
Thursday 11 June
By jason
What a pathetic story.
Resigning yourself to the result of your parent's infidelities?
I mean, it's one thing if you don't know any better, but you clearly see your actions as inappropriate and merely justify them with the crappy memory you have of your father. You clearly view his actions as wrong, as well as your own - your article says as much.
Take responsibility for the mistakes you've made. Blaming anyone else for your own decisions is just immature - and you'll never be a better person than your father. You'll just be able to blame him for the horrible person you've become. It's a sad fate to resign yourself to, considering the fact that you knew better all along.
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By Louise
You don't get it..life's a copy and she is writing her way to a book..I plan on doing the same thing..its always exagerated and hats off to people like her who quit talking about it and actually DO IT>>>
Thursday 11 June
By Joe
Years ago, this type of person was called a slut. Now, they get published stories about some emotional problem. Stay away from these types of people.
Thursday 11 June
By Frankie McBrien
I don't think the author is blaming her father. I think she is explaining why she gets the urge to cheat. By explaining and finding a reason she actually IS taking responsibility. She realizes that it's wrong and wants to change. She doesn't just ignore that fact that there is something wrong with her behavior. Sometimes you have to figure out why you do the bad things you do before you can tackle them. Hats off to the author and great job for finding a solution to your inappropriate desires. It probably stirs up you and your husband's sex life. After you tell him, you must have great sex.
Thursday 11 June
By Alice
Well said!!!
Thursday 11 June
By jason
Frankie,
Can you not read?
"I just wish I wasn't doomed to repeat it."
She's not looking for a solution, she's not finding a solution, and she's not looking to stop.
She has resigned herself to this...contrived world in which she can feel justified in being a whore.
Well as an outsider, I feel comfortable calling her that. At least I've never cheated on a significant other, even if my parents have.
Thursday 11 June
By Ruby 'Left eye"
It is not like she woke up morning and said "Oh I am going to cheat just beacuse my fathe did" um no give her more credit than that. The facts are
1. She compared herself to him in the story physically meaning she gets urges to stray not meaning that shewill act upon them.
2. Look at another thing, How many woman do you know cheat? and even she was making excuses for her father.
3. Most importantly she see being in bed with a stranger as exciting and tempting . A lot of woman are attracted to other men but fantasies are occassionally reserved for the one that they are with.
4. Last but not least, How many woman do you know cheat?
Cheating is a man's game so she must be serious about it.
Thursday 11 June
By cheri
Oh come on....a pig is a pig is a pig...call it what it is....PIGS CHEAT......look...I'm a good looking gal...I learned early on how to handle myself when commited to one guy an another was trying to LURE me to him.....just say Thanks BUT no thanks....Gotta admit I loved the attention but IT STOPPED THERE....this was a respect issue about how did I want to act....I wanted to keep the loyality between my mate and me...on spot...there is great HARM to yourself and your mate when you cheat...IF not ready to settle down....that's called dating...ready to settle down...that's called commitment....mmm how could anybody get that mixed up!!!...
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By plypuck
wow....that was really well said
Thursday 11 June
By Alex
Going through that right now.. except I'm just digging the attention.
Thursday 11 June
By Di
Well said...
Thursday 11 June
By Jim Huntley
Danielle, get a grip. Take responsibility for your behavior instead of trying to justify
it through your fathers infidelities. Seek professional help if necessary. Your behavior is destructive and immature at best. Good luck...
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By Krystine
I don't believe cheating is necessarily a sign of inmaturity in all cases. Perhaps insecurity would be be more adequate. I personally have cheated in every relationship I've ever had and it's not because I wasn't in love with my mate. I've always had another person or two in the background in case the love of my life leaves me the way everyone else in my life has. It's more of an emotional backup so I can't ever feel the pain that I felt in my childhood. I wish I was stronger and didn't need this back up and sometimes I go years in between times but emotionally I'm always alone and for some reason theres always someone there to pick me up and dust me off again. Sorry to disappoint so many but I'd give my left arm to be a one relationship person and I pray for the many who are to remain that way.
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By jason
Krystine, you wish you were stronger? If you wanted it badly enough, you would act differently, and not blame it on childhood emotional trouble. You're no better than the author.
Look at what you're saying.
In order to assure your own emotional security, you're willing to cheat - no - you have to cheat on your significant other. But what does that do? In cheating you effectively destroy any chance of having a deep and meaningful relationship.
In trying to assure yourself that there will always be someone there, you poison the relationships that you have such that there is no one there, in the way that you want them to be there. Insecure, immature - in this case, you're insecurities point towards a lack of emotional maturity. Stop playing with semantics and accept the fact that your life as you live it is not what you want, and do something about it. Don't wish it, do it. You're a person, not an animal. Prove it.
Thursday 11 June
By kelsey
i've cheated on every one of my boyfriends too. it comes from the inability to be alone, and also to settle. I know it's wrong, but at the moment i'm not ready for monogamy.
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By Chris
Boo-hoo, what a hard life you've lead. It's pretty lame to blame all of your immoral behavior on someone else. Grow up and stop being so loose. It sounds like you're getting even with your father by beating the male agenda at the game you perceive them to be playing -- namely, by sleeping with as many people as possible. It's like a dick measuring contest for women, and Danielle Pergament, you're gaping wide.
As someone who has been cheated on (by his fiancé), I say accept the fact that YOU made the decision to cheat because you're selfish - sow your junk up.
Here's a fun fact: by the time I was ten years old, I had witnessed an estimated 1 million deaths on television, but you don't see me going around killing people and blaming prime time. You are everything that is wrong with this world because you will continuously stomp on other people to get what you want and never take responsibility for your actions.
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By Jim Huntley
Danielle, get a grip. Take responsibility for your behavior instead of trying to justify
it through your fathers infidelities. Seek professional help if necessary. Your behavior is destructive and immature at best. Good luck...
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By kelsey
also, i should add that i have also been cheated on. I've never once cheated sexually. (emotional cheating = cheating) I never even touched the men i cheated with. It doesn't make it better.
I don't think that blaming your external choices on internal feelings is okay, eventually you have to take responsibility. Don't allow yourself to convince the person you're with that you can commit when you can't. - that's the worst part about it.
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By Alex
I've never done it.. but that's happened to me before. And she said it was because i was mean, so I'm assuming she was emotionally insecure about something. Still doesn't make it right.. especially since she was the one who cheated before and was mean to me..
Thursday 11 June
By oshun
the err is to human. to all who judge, what secrets are you keeping. at least this person admit to her feelings. let he among us who is without sin cast the first stone.
Reply