A few weeks ago we decided that there's nothing wrong with being the other woman -- if you're messing around with a man who has a girl, that's your prerogative. We loved hearing your stories of personal experiences from both sides of the situation, but one reader had a particularly interesting conundrum: Is it cheating if both partners have the same girl? Marc said: "A few years ago my ex and i would hook up with this girl at different times while also including her [in bed with us] about 2-3 times a month. The reason my ex left me (with a text-message break up) is because she said did not like my sleeping with our mutual bed buddy on my own -- but meanwhile, she was also doing it without letting me know.
"I confronted her but all she told me was it is different cause I am a guy. So is it only cheating [because] I'm a guy? Or should it also be considered cheating for her as well?"
Now, we know asking another girl into your bed can complicate things, but this sounds like a BS double standard to us -- it seems like the girlfriend didn't think the same rules applied to her and her boyfriend. Leave your advice for Marc in the comments.
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Friday 12 June
By Barranova69
Therer is NOTHING wrong with sharing another woman with your wife or girlfriend, but IT IS WRONG to share your wife or girlfriend with another man. What is good for the goose IS NOT good for the gander.
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Friday 12 June
By Andrea
A woman/ woman fling is not that same as man/ woman especially when dealing with the same "woman". First off, a man should be like a pig in sh*t if he is allowed to play with his girlfriend and other women TOGETHER. Unless your girl has lesbian tendencies and you are afraid she might leave you for this chic then restrictions should apply but a man and "other woman" rendevous is a threat to your girlfriend. I mean, reverse the situation......are you ok with her also sleeping with men as long as you are there?? Would you be ok with her sleeping on her own with him....you can as well if you'd like. I don't agree with keeping it from you but it shouldn't be a problem especially if you have been able to join in.
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Friday 12 June
By Abyss
I had a similar situation. I lived with this girl for about 8 months, after dating her for close to a year. She always would bring "friends" home with her for us to "play" with. Or we'd mutually agree upon an acquaintance of each of ours. One day, I met an old high school buddy of hers. This one really caught my interest. However, my girlfriend told me no, because she was jealous on how much I liked this one. Yet, for about 2 months straight, she went behind my back sleeping with her. If it's openly agreed upon, it's all around a great relationship. However, if anyone in the relationship sleeps with anyone else, with out prior knowledge and consent of the other party, and hides it from them, this is cheating. I enjoy the open relationship, as I've found in the modern world, no one can be faithful. I have never once cheated, and won't. It just feels wrong, no matter how "drunk" or any other excuse I am in. I don't let myself get into those situations. After becoming a father with sole custody, I switched to only closed, monogamous relationships, and will not date a person if they cheat or lie. Probably why I am still a single father with sole custody. Heh. But anyhow, it's not cheating if both parties are aware of it. Regardless of the gender of the 3rd party. Lesbian, or gay, it's all the same, as it's sexual gratification you are getting from someone other than your partner.
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Friday 12 June
By freya_kahlo
I find it interesting that men all claim they prefer mff threesomes... and I know, socially they are acceptable. Yet, if you look at Craigslist Casual Encounters in *any city* the requests for mmf way outnumber mff. There are also a lot of single men looking to join couples. I also have been on a mostly-male sex-related forum with both gay and straight men and have found out that it's very common for guys to have sexual experiences with other men. It's usually almost always hand/oral - but still straight men do this a lot more than I ever would have thought. They also compartmentalize these encounters in some weird way like "it was a necessary physical release, so doesn't count" So... while I see a lot of public bravado about hooking up with two women... I wonder what's *really* going on?
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Friday 12 June
By SaTISH Bhardwaj
What is your problem. You want to shtup your ex, you want to shtup another girl and you want to shtup probably two hundred other girls. The only problem is u r the only men she is shtupping. You are shtupping all these girl and asking is this cheating. You are a sick man buddy. Your ex should be happy she is out of your life.
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Saturday 13 June
By mikey
Wooohooo I remember my 3some lol the girls asked if I could keep up and by the time we were through one was in the chair and the other was sayin stop stop lol. It was an awesome day.
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Sunday 14 June
By ella
My husband and I had relationship with another woman, and absolutely loved it. If you are looking for some sort of relationship, then it seems like it works out better if it is another woman (if you're looking for two guys, there are toys and the two girls still work out better). We considered all of us getting married in a nongovernmental sort of way (which should be legal, and the Morman's sure don't do it right) but it is just not done unfortunately so it made it too complicated for our outside families because of this (for now). Hopefully our kids won't have the same stupid rules, or hang-ups as there just aren't as many good men as good women.
We will do it again, and we aren't exactly swingers as we liked the relationship aspect of this. If you're interested in this we've noticed that you can find more free or interesting people in the arts, or sometimes there are symbols to look out for - unicorns, purple triangles, parrots, and so on. Also, we've noticed some of those that like natural healing shops, or Wicca, tend to go this way more often. Actually, in college every girl I knew had at least one experience, so who knows, It may be that all girls have this tendency, and they just don't admit it as often after college.
But no, it is not cheating if you are both sleeping with her, know about it, and agree to it. The trick is you have to know, it isn't the act that bothers people, it is the secrecy or insecurity.
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Friday 19 June
By serpentxxx2002
double standard. what's good for the goose is good for the gander. i feel that the going off on the side is the problem here, on both parts. if a couple is going to 'enjoy' another person, i feel it should only be done together.... just my opinion.
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Thursday 25 June
By Laura Chick
I would absolutely say that if I were to sleep with a woman it would be the same as my husband sleeping with a woman. Whether or not that's cheating is based entirely on whether or not you'd agreed to be in that kind of a relationship.
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Thursday 25 June
By BeachGirl
Ew! Im sorry but this is gross either way. its cheating wether its man/woman or woman/woman. it doesnt matter. what happend to the sanctity of relationships?? I dont get it....If youre not happy enough with ONE person you shouldnt be with them. My boyfriend makes me MORE than happy enough i dont need anyone or anything else in our relationship and we are both happy enough with each other we wouldnt bring another person in to it. I would never want to touch another woman nonetheless watch my husband do it...how rediculous...
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Thursday 23 July
By Shannon
I think if you guys needed to bring someone else into your bedroom, you probably wouldn't have stayed together anyways. My husband and I never need anyone else but each other, we would rather spice it up with toys or different positions. If she was sleeping with the girl behind your back, she is probably turning lesbian anyways because she obviously isn't pleased with what she is getting at home. Get over it, go your separate ways.
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Thursday 30 July
By panda
Whatever. If anyone is lying or hiding their side of the situation _that_ is cheating! If everything was really on the up and up, nothing needs to be hidden. Multi-partner relationships are all fine and well as long as _every_one is honest. Gender has nothing to do with it in any scenario as far as I am concerned. All parties involved need to be responsible for their role... Equal rights go both ways, ladies and gents...
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