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We're not really sure why writer Andy Bodle decided to spill in print about his almost-$25,000 call girl habit (and we really don't get why he felt the need to eventually confess to his parents), but we're not particularly shocked to find out that an educated, seemingly normal guy frequented prostitutes. After all, somebody is keeping that multimillion-dollar industry afloat, and we had a hunch it wasn't just Eliot Spitzer and Charlie Sheen.
In Bodle's case, his low self-esteem and relationship issues seem to have elevated his use into a full-fledged addiction, but what about those guys who have slept with prostitutes without managing to fritter away their life savings or delude themselves about where the relationship was going?
Find out why paying for sex isn't such a big deal after the jump.
According to the article, 1 in 10 men uses prostitutes, so odds are at least some of us are going out with these dudes whether we know it or not. The question is: Do you care? For my part, as long as the pay-for-play happened before we met and it wasn't an addiction or obsession, I'm fine with it, and hope my partner would feel comfortable being open about it.
While I agree that the prostitution industry can be degrading and oppressive, I don't think every guy who was lured in by its siren song is a bad person or a woman-hater. Paying for sex is almost a male rite of passage, and visiting a brothel in Amsterdam or sharing in bachelor party "festivities" as a bonding experience is more common than many women realize. If our culture was set up differently and the same opportunity was available to women in the same way, I think curiosity and an adventurous spirit probably would have led me to try it at least once.
In fact, I think I'd rather know that my partner paid for casual sex with a professional who fully understood the nature of the situation than find out he'd manipulated some unwitting girl's emotions just to fulfill his sexual urges. What do you think?
Would it bother you to find out your partner had a history of using escorts? What if he'd just tried it once or twice?
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Monday 22 June
By Yuki
I think it is a shame that people want to do something but have to do it under the table. You can't expect people to be honest if only disapproval awaits. And without honesty and respect what kind of a relationship can be preserved anyways?
I'd say what really matters is not what you do, but how you approach issues together on a relationship basis, without judging based on other people's behaviors.
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Monday 06 July
By Petter Häggholm
Most people—aside from (many of) the religulous—see nothing morally wrong in any two adults having sex, so long as it is with informed consent. Virtually no one sees anything morally wrong in one person giving money to another person. You may or may not agree with me on the morality of these separate acts, but if you do: It seems irrational in the extreme to consider the exchange of two inherently moral acts to be immoral.
Obviously, “adults with informed consent” is an important part of the above, and clearly there is much wrong with the shape prostitution takes in many (most? all?) parts of the world, but I think it’s downright ludicrous to claim that this is inherent to the concept of sex work.
I also agree that prostitution should be legalised. Making it completely illegal demonstrably doesn’t make it go away, though it does put prostitutes in a much worse position than they are already in: Not only are they viewed as criminals, they are also more easily abused because they have disincentive to report abuse to the police. (Sweden has a slightly better system: Selling sex is legal, but buying sex is not. This effectively outlaws prostitution, but at least prostitutes can still report abuse to the police without risking prosecution for it.)
I would prefer to see a system where prostitutes are required to register, get regular STI checkups, etc. Also, while some countries (like Canada) allow prostitution itself but not soliciting or “bawdy houses”, I fail to see the sense in disallowing brothels—it seems to say, in so many words, “Yes, you are allowed to do this work, but you aren’t allowed to set up a safe environment, arrange security, and so forth.”
Oh, and gender should of course have nothing to do with it.
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Saturday 11 July
By Eric
Hmm, interesting discussion. Obviously as a guy this isn't a question I've given much thought to but I have had some experience with the sex trade. I worked the nightshift as a taxi driver for a number of years and naturally I drove a lot of dancers, escorts and prostitutes and sometimes their johns or pimps in the course of my work. I was offered service for a free ride a few times (which for the record I never took - believe what you want). I have a lot of respect for what M has to say because I definitely did meet a few women who worked independently, genuinely seemed to enjoy what they did, felt good about themselves and definitely made a lot of fat cash in the process. They were always good tippers too. The girls/women who worked for the escorts were generally in better shape and seemed more in control of their lives. But that said they were definitely the exception. Most of the sex trade workers I met were strung out (never tipped) and obviously in a nasty downward spiral. They usually had bruises or scars, were very very bitter and more than a little bitchy. Not that I blamed them. I used to drive two women from the Prostitutes Empowerment Society on a regular basis and they had a lot of interesting things to say. One is that whenever the economy gets worse the number of prostitutes increases. Desperate women hit the streets trying to make ends meet, feed their kids etc. A fair number of the ones I met were single moms.
Anyway, my point is that even though I don't think men should be blamed for availing themselves of these services (provided they're not abusive) I also don't think we should try to sugarcoat the industry. It's a nasty business and most of the women are seriously messed up by what they do, physically, emotionally and mentally and most of all because for most of them getting into the business was not a choice in any real sense of the word. Don't even get me started on the pimps.
The root of the problem in my opinion is that we live in a world that turns absolutely everything into a commodity (your health, your security, your body, your mind). That is an incredibly alienating world and it's no surprise that most people are on the exploited end of this incredibly unequal society. Whether you're "paying for it" or not you're locked into this world where most women feel compelled on some level to consider money as part of the equation when choosing a man. The number one reason people get divorced is over money problems (ie. the husband loses his job, doesn't get promoted etc.). Prostitution is just the flip side of the same coin. And I agree with what people said above that most men who go to prostitutes have low self-esteem and mostly just want some comfort. That's what every working girl I ever spoke to told me.
The majority of men in our society do not get laid on a regular basis because they don't display the alpha male qualities so common among wealthier men - ie. confidence, power, money, self-control, security, consistency, strength. Most women will eventually compromise and settle for a guy that's less than all that because the vast majority of men are, but in the meantime you know who'll they'll most likely be sleeping with. To put it another way, how many guys would date a woman if she told them she'd slept with a guy just because he had a cool car, a lot of money, he was powerful etc. even when she knew he was a playboy? Not a perfect parallel but I think you get the point.
What happens before you start a relationship (and I mean when you've mutually agreed you are going to move from dating to a committed relationship) should stay in the past free of moralistic judgement because none of us is really without sin.
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Tuesday 21 July
By s
I'm tired of these stories about men paying for sex with prostitutes and their little porn stories or whatever sick ideas they have. I'd really want to see it the other way around. I'm waiting to hear stories about women paying for sex and all that that men do and women shouldn't be mad at. Admit it you're just dirty and low. There is no need to pay for sex. Also, there are decent men out there who wouldn't even look at the type of female, touch them, or want to be with them. Stop swearing all men are dirty because that's not true.
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Wednesday 29 July
By Lins
Guys, all i have to say is, paying for sex is not a big deal or a bad omen.
Girl do you prefer dating a guy that paid for sex or dating a guy that has history of rape? Remember a guy don't just pay for sex, its when the needs arises.
of course he admitted to show how less choice he had then before having a girl of his own, it would be a big deal if the guy is "cheating on his partner"
The choice is clear.
Remember, Guys that paid for sex goes along with pride and integrity, its a business, i paid for the commodity and exchange in transactions, or do you want to the guy to have sex urge until he started cumming from his nose?
Rapist guy, doesn't go with respect, rather, alot of things are against him.
A guy that paid for sex is prepared and know what he's about to do, so there is very high possibility of him using protective unlike the so called girls that think they are students or workers that open up for different guys in a week without protective, and with the status "Home girl"
A guy that went for rape raid, doesn't use protective at high possibility, and he doesn't inspect the girl he is about raping either because there is no time for that.
A guy that paid for sex take his time to choose any possible good girl because he paid for it and not a free girl and as well girls that sell sex is completely aware of their business and will definitely maintain and keep their "workshop" clean, go for maintainace and check-ups, knows and implements necessary safety precautions unlike those so called "one night stand" girls or is she a home girl because she came for "bachelors party" or "festivals".
Have you ever ask, what are the opinion of some those girls that attend those activities?
Girls think twice, any guy that paid for sex as far as it's not a curse, inheritance, obsession or addict is wise guy as far as he didn't cheat on anybody.
Will you prefer it when he went out and mix up with a girl that doesn't care about her life and might have high possibility of having STDs? or when the guy went and commit himself in raping crime because that is free sex
FREE THINGS KILLS BUT WHAT YOU PAID FOR DOESN'T SINCE YOU'VE BUY IT WITH YOUR MONEY.
Listen girls, this is a modern world, people are doing things the way it suppose to be, don't have much critics, "Paying for sex is a big deal" likewise guys "girl that prossess a condom with them is not a bad girl, rather they are only fighting for both of you's health which is "safe sex", everybody has the right to possess it.
Pardon me if in anyway what i wrote plays any role in your life, i mean no harm, am only sharing my point of view.
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Sunday 04 October
By adam florkowski
paying for sex from a prostitue is like taking a girl out for a date except with a prostitute u skip all the boring stuff and focus on the only part of the date a guy cares about. Think anoutt when a guy takes a girl on a date and pays at the end of the night he more then likely expects sex for PAYING for dinner but might get turned down but with a prostitiute u PAY for but ur gonna get a happy ending to the date and leave happen. See weither we are paying for a prostitute or paying for a date and the end of the night one thing is expected and that is sex. So see all women prosititute themselves in one way or another weither it be for dinner or for the money all women do it.
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Wednesday 07 October
By duderino
Look, the truth is, if you don't want to know then don't ask. Plenty of guys you would never suspect, have. MOSTof the guys you think might have, did. Many many people of both sexes have skeletons in the "sexual closet."
Ladies, if you have never done anything that you shouldn't have done, or have never done something that you are ashamed of- then don't date a guy you think could even possibly be capable of paying a hooker. For everyone else (the majority of us these days) don't ask questions unless you're ready to be completely honest about ALL of YOUR revious partners, one night stands, and sexual experiences.
One last thing- there is no excuse for cheating. That includes hookers if you have a significant other, and especially if you're engaged. Nothing says "you shouldn't marry me" like sleeping with a hooker, or anyone else for that matter, on your bachelor party.
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Thursday 12 November
By JimMN
Guys, if you paid a woman for sex, you have raped her. There is no argument, there is no discussion. I wish the laws in the US would reflect this fact. Paying for sex is rape because you have manipulated her to have sex with you when she would not have done otherwise. It is rape pure and simple and every man who has done so should be locked away in prison.
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Tuesday 24 November
By Phil
Jim, what a tool you are. Are you sure you're not recovering from a sex change or on your period? Get a clue already. After a failed 15 year marriage which cost me a ton of $$, couple of "committed" LOL, almost led to marriage live in relationships which were also a little pricey, I finally figured it out. These women are raped??? LOL....Women line up to do this stuff for the most part. It's easy money, they get treated quite well for the most part and they walk away with a bunch of cash.
And as for the 3rd world women....Let me offer some background. I travel quite frequently to Costa Rica, where prostitution is legal. The average salary for a women there, typical female job, checker at a grocery store, secretary, etc. is $50 a week. Depending on the economy and the exchange rate, a top shelf hooker can pull anywhere from $60-$100 for a one hour "session". Do the math.
Typical day for them, get up late, put on the war paint, go hang out at the Hotel Del Rey, find their gf's, sit around, drink, BS, get picked up, go do their thing for an hour, return to hotel bar, maybe pickup another guy, maybe not, drink, BS, go home.
And, it's not some sleazy experience for the most part like most would think. Yes, I've had some bad "sessions", but for the most part, these women are very attractive, outgoing, fun to hang out with and they do know what men like. It's basically like a really great date that you know how the 4th quarter is going to turn out like.
Men, especially men in America, have totally let women get out of control. We pamper them, marry them, they feel free to pop out a couple of kids, demand the big house and the picket fence, put on 30+ pounds, run around in sweats and at-shirt 24-7, bitch and moan that we're "never around", "don't help around the house enough", blah blah, while we run ourselves ragged to support the lifestyle that they demanded, then they can divorce us to bang the guy who works at 7-11who "understands them" and take most of the marbles with them.
You won't find a guy doing the hooker scene who hasn't been burned, badly, sometimes multiple times by the "committed, monogamous" scene, period.
I'm sure most of the guys here will comiserate with me on this, how many times have you taken the wife on what is supposed to be a nice vacation, only to have the whole thing turn into a battlefield before you're 50 miles out of town? Over some petty BS?
Since I've been divorced and gotten over the "relationship" BS, a typical vacation for me in Costa Rica is, get up, have a nice breakfast, hit the gym, catch a cab to what they call a "pension" there, basically a whore house, pick out something nice, get the pipes cleaned for $30-$40, go do some adventure type stuff, deep sea fishing, scuba dive, snorkel, whatever, head back to the condo, take a nap.
Evenings are a nice dinner, hit the casino, have a few drinks, go dancing at Key Largo, find some nice company for the night, hit that a couple more times. Next day, repeat same. A week of this, I fly home, I'm relaxed, destressed, feel great and all of my money and my stuff is still there when I get home.
And no, I'm not some hideously fat, ugly, socially awkward guy who can't get a date. I date back home quite frequently, but I'm not going to settle. I'd love to meet my "soulmate" and get married again, blah blah blah someday, but until she comes along, I'm not putting up with some broke woman's BS just to get laid.
I don't believe in cheating, infidelity or any of that, but I wouldn't look down on anyone, male or female who is single for taking care of their needs in a responsible way and doing what is best for them.
So don't feel sorry for the women who chose this life, especially in these 3rd world countries. A ton of them have university degrees, most have respectable jobs, they just like the easy money and the excitement of the whole scene.