We're not really sure why writer Andy Bodle decided to spill in print about his almost-$25,000 call girl habit (and we really don't get why he felt the need to eventually confess to his parents), but we're not particularly shocked to find out that an educated, seemingly normal guy frequented prostitutes. After all, somebody is keeping that multimillion-dollar industry afloat, and we had a hunch it wasn't just Eliot Spitzer and Charlie Sheen.
In Bodle's case, his low self-esteem and relationship issues seem to have elevated his use into a full-fledged addiction, but what about those guys who have slept with prostitutes without managing to fritter away their life savings or delude themselves about where the relationship was going?
Find out why paying for sex isn't such a big deal after the jump.
According to the article, 1 in 10 men uses prostitutes, so odds are at least some of us are going out with these dudes whether we know it or not. The question is: Do you care? For my part, as long as the pay-for-play happened before we met and it wasn't an addiction or obsession, I'm fine with it, and hope my partner would feel comfortable being open about it.
While I agree that the prostitution industry can be degrading and oppressive, I don't think every guy who was lured in by its siren song is a bad person or a woman-hater. Paying for sex is almost a male rite of passage, and visiting a brothel in Amsterdam or sharing in bachelor party "festivities" as a bonding experience is more common than many women realize. If our culture was set up differently and the same opportunity was available to women in the same way, I think curiosity and an adventurous spirit probably would have led me to try it at least once.
In fact, I think I'd rather know that my partner paid for casual sex with a professional who fully understood the nature of the situation than find out he'd manipulated some unwitting girl's emotions just to fulfill his sexual urges. What do you think?
Would it bother you to find out your partner had a history of using escorts? What if he'd just tried it once or twice?
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Saturday 06 June
By kathie
no way
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Wednesday 17 June
By pg
No way would I date a guy who used prostitutes. Would not be friends with one, either.
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Tuesday 21 July
By s
I totally agree with you. I don't think it's right to say every guy or girl has done this or that because everyone in this world does not think or act the same. Accept your behavior and do not relate it to anyone else. Your behavior has nothing to do with other people it's all you.
Wednesday 10 June
By Drew
Hmmm...this is a great question, and although I am a male, I wanted to share my thoughts on the subject. First, let me say that I think you (Emily) are a pretty cool chick for feeling the way you do. Second, I can almost promise you that the statistics for the pool of date-able guys who have paid for sex are much higher than the 1 in 10 reported. What guy would openly admit to having paid for sex? I won't even admit to it. All I will say is that a mutually beneficial business arrangement occurred betwixt a guy strikingly similar to me and a "woman of the night" in DC's red light district. :)
This is indeed a man's world, no disrespect intended. Men have the luxury of saying and doing almost anything they want (even illegal at times) to appease themselves. And for the most part, no apology is necessary. Unless monies are allotted on a monthly basis to support said activity, I find the act of paying for sex more efficient than anything.
And to the ladies who say they wouldn't date a guy who has paid for sex, don't worry, chances are you are actually MARRIED to one already! Of course your hubby (or boyfriend at the times) and his friends just played pool, drank like fish, and went to sleep at that bachelor's party...
drewzee23.wordpress.com
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Wednesday 10 June
By Wesley Crusher
1 in 10? Thats hilarious. I would bet at least 50%+ men have paid for some form of sexual gratification. In fact I would say it might be as high as 75%.
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Friday 12 June
By rachel
wow just cuz your a disgusting guy doesn't mean 50 - 75% are thats HILARIOUS because truthfully a lot of guys find it degrading to both sexes. Personally i wont date a guy who visits strip clubs or has paid to have sex i find that very umm...what do you call it DESPERATE. i think if a guy has to pay to have sex or see it really says something about his personality. He obviously isn't wanted, doesn't respect girls, most likely not very attractive and doesn't appeal to women. Low lifes who visit or pay for sex aren't good enough for real women. they are what they pay for (whores) which ain't attractive to ANYONE.
Wednesday 10 June
By M
In being a former "professional" in the adult industry I have to say its amazing to me some of the comments that are extremely judgmental. Here's a little known factor... if a man is given an hour he usually talks most of it. The sexual release is just that but most men simply want a sanctuary of their own, where they have no pressure on them, get what they want/need, and go back to their lives.
As far as the profession being "degrading and oppressive" perhaps for some. For others it can be empowering, liberating, exciting and lucrative. Lets face it not everyone is a great or good lover, boundaries and life sets in and sometimes people just need a little something for themselves on occasion.
So yes, I'd date a guy who paid for sex. Would never date a client - and yes, men do date me(and even had a long term and monogomous relationship after the fact) though I have been out of that profession for about 10 years when I feel they should know about my past. When I bring it up I am unapologetic because I had far more sex with a great many more men for my own fun.
Personally, I think the profession should be legalized - it would enable far more independence from women and avoid maltreatment, and I agree with Drew.. its a matter of convienience because my clients, most were married or single professionals, simply knew the arrangement caused for discretion, no emotional attachments or expectations, and on their time.
Oh..pssssst... the women most likely to say "My Husband/boyfriend would NEVER" usually are the ones that do. ;)
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Tuesday 30 June
By K
amen sister!
Wednesday 10 June
By Nia Murphy
My boyfriend of five months just recently told me that he had paid for sex but this is before we were dating or ever met so i guess yes i would because what happens in the past should just stay in the past but I was glad he told me through so I know what I'm getting into but it really doesnt brother me at all through
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Wednesday 10 June
By kittie56
Its really quite interesting to ponder sex as a business vs. love and mush. My man told me when we were dating that he's been with prostitutes. That didnt stop me from marrying him! This did bother me for a while but mostly because i've never done it!!! i very much agree with author that woman would do it if things were different! can't say that ive ever seen anything about straight males working the strip...
Drew....like your end comment...totally right on!
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Wednesday 10 June
By Smug
As Woody Allen said, "The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for free costs more." I know younger guys who pay occasionally, and it's because they want to get laid, but don't compete very well with the alpha male that women swoon over and generally get abused by. They view it as 'no complications' fun with someone who expects nothing other than to get paid. The only difference between professionals and the women on these "Women of the OC" type shows is that the women on these shows married their client, whereas the professionals haven't.
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Thursday 11 June
By jay
we all pay for it one way or another...
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Thursday 11 June
By Lizbeth R Rendon
In our society, it is the norm to see images of immorality and idolatry fighting for men attention. Internet pornography,secular television,even some popular women's magazines are designed to feed their physical senses and appetites. Unless they intentionally choose to ignore the pull of the world,many guys are lured into yielding to evil desires.Luke 22:46 "Pray, lest you enter into temptation"the temptations that they face will not overcome them.
I tink that 8 of 10 guys have experience with a sex worker the number 9 may not need sex due to a health issue and the number 10 never had the money to get one. But the service it is degrading because some guys can be nasty and dirty and HIV/AIDS and Herpes are NOT empowering,liberating,exciting at all . Lucrative of course but that money won't cure the emotional scars or a terminal D.It will be nice a prostitute get money from 1 of the clients to open a business and start a better life with respect ,self woth and peace. Not to be judgmental I just get sad if a love one have to earn money like that it will be nice to find a blessing at list to meet a nice client that will married the sex worker and support her that she does not have to deal with mental depravity I have a lot of info about sex addiction the final will be even getting tired of beautiful women and jumping into homosexuality or abusing children no one knows what it is the fantasy secret world in someone's private secret mind. I have a lot of girlfriends and some of then are in wrong pat and I have seen the tears,pain, and scars that brings a lot of emptiness and suffering from the strip clubs industry job's and selling their private areas some have to drugs or alcohol because they can't take that easy, there is not human.because it is abnormal to be promiscuous it's not what our romantic beautiful hearts want that's why sex workers don't want theyr daughters to live like that . Woman are some smart, capable, and special creatures GO TO COLLEGE,become a lawyer or Doctor with an student loan or even make a rich client to pay for college to stop that king of life.About married a guy who did paid a prostitute there is forgiveness one is free from sin some how some way we all made mistakes as long the individual will looking to stop that king of entertainment otherwise is better to remain single and not get involve in a relationship; or go to a swinger club and meet a promiscuous lady that will play the same game that way they will be in the same pat.
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Monday 15 June
By na
Learn to speak, type, and read your work so you don't look like an idiot rambling about a topic you know nothing about.
Sunday 28 June
By anon.
you must be very young or VERY uneducated.
Thursday 11 June
By goober
I have absolutely no problem with a guy using a prostitute as long as he did it before he met me. I absolutely would take him to a clinic myself and make sure as hell that he doesn't have any diseases. But I will say that if any man ever decided to see or use a prostitute while he and I are dating then he may as well just keep when he walks out the door and never look back. I have no problem with a guy going to a strip club or anything like that but I would absolutely prefer that he not pay to see a woman naked when he can come home and see one for free.
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Thursday 11 June
By Audrey
I consider myself open-minded when it comes to sex and our libidos -- and I can understand where the author is coming from. But I can't help but feel like it's not so clear-cut an issue -- if a man I was dating told me he'd been to a brothel in Nevada, I think I could get past this, but if he told me he had gone to Bangkok, I don't think I could ever respect him -- I visited Thailand recently and just felt so repulsed at seeing these men who could go to Thailand and, since the currency in their Western countries was worth so much more over there, would just be able to buy any kind of sexual experience they wanted, 90% of the time from women who had been coerced into that industry whether by force, or economic desperation. I can see how selling your body might be empowering for women, but I feel like men who prey on women who weren't lucky enough to also be born to the same opportunities afforded their Western counterparts are repulsive.
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Thursday 11 June
By Ifrania
I agree with you, Audrey - third world prostitution is often a different ball game altogether (no pun intended). I've lived and worked in several very poor countries, and when you see white guys there specifically to do their kinky and/or brutal shit to brown people too young, poor and powerless to have alternatives, you're seeing a particularly nauseating form of racism, pure and simple... And, how different would it be, really, having sex with a pimped-out, underage runaway off the streets of L.A.? For every sex worker who finds her work empowering and liberating, I'm afraid there are dozens who never even had much of a say in the matter to begin with... The author of this article doesn't even address the issue of diseases, and to me, that's also HUGE. In many traditional societies (which means most outside of North America, and western Europe), a terribly hypocritical situation lives on: girls are still expected to guard their virginity until they marry, while males are expected to get rid of theirs. (After all, males have "needs" - and apparently, females don't?) This makes for a whole lot of guys dipping their equipment into the same, relatively small number of vaginas - those of the local prostitutes - which just can't help but promote rampant trading around of STDs. (Remember, outisde of the West, AIDS is spread mostly through heterosexual intercourse, less so through gay sex and intravenous drug use.) For several years, I've been work in a Muslim country where I'm terrified to enter into a sexual relationship with any local, since it's pretty much certain that he will have patronized prostitutes, and probably many times over. How many of these prostitutes make their customers use condoms? Very few, because many wouldn't have clients if they did - lots of men still simply refuse to use them. Relations between the sexes in such societies also become distorted: men who don't marry until their thirties have for years on end conducted most or all of their sexual activity with prostitutes - women they haven't had to bother to please or bond with, but have simply used to get their rocks off in/on... In a society like that of the United States, where people are free to openly have sexual relationships outside of marriage, I would feel that a guy who nevertheless patronized prostitutes probably had major "issues": he has perverse habits he needs to indulge in on the sly, or he can't manage to attract a woman and maintain a respectful relationship with her through normal means. (The latter type can also be found in droves in Bangkok, ranting about how western women are "emasculating", etc. I know - also lived and worked there for three years, and heard it all the time. Somehow mommy and daddy didn't do a very good job of preparing them to deal with "women's lib", as they still call it!) I'll stick with a man who isn't sticking it to prostitutes, if he's out there...
Thursday 11 June
By ERIC
CHANCES ARE YOUR DADS ,BROTHERS, COUSINS AND OF COURSE UNCLES HAVE USED THE "PAY AND PLAY" METHOD. NEXT TIME YOU ARE IN A PARTY LOOK ARROWND,........... 1 OUT OF TEN............LOL
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Thursday 11 June
By D. Ryan
I recently ended a 3-year relationship with a guy who had low self-esteem issues an no interest/inability to sustain a relationship at the time he frequented prostitutes (duration of 2 years - minimum) before our time. When he told me, it was a shock and despite a great friendship filled with trust and care, I could never past it. The sight of his genitalia, once admired, became repulsive to me. We finally agreed that sex would not be part of the relationship though I know this pained him a great deal. Since I have been packing up his stuff, I am coming across boxes of pornography tapes, binoculars hidden with sex CD's behind clothes, phone bills for more than just local calls. This experience has been very painful to me, but it has also liberated me because by knowing him, I have remembered my own molestation as a child and it is setting me free. I love women, they are very strong. The wounds of my past are before me and I will get past this and eventually thank him for opening my eyes. Thankyou for giving me this opportunity to speak and to read about others' views - there are always many sides to a story.
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