I was 20 when I gave my first BJ (late bloomer). As I knelt on the bathroom floor of the apartment I shared with three other girls, locked in there with my boyfriend for privacy, he looked down at me with wonder in his eyes. "Where did you learn to do that?" he asked.

Late-night, fuzzed-out porn,
I thought. "Just wingin' it!" I said aloud.

With that and other positive reviews since then under my belt, you'd think that there'd be no room for improvement.


Still, even a near-pro like me had my interest piqued when I heard about the BlowGuard (some NSFW stuff) -- a "couples' toy" designed to prevent teeth nicks during oral sex, while simultaneously delivering "mind-blowing" pleasure via a small, bullet vibrator.

Clearly, I just had to try it out.

Click here to read how it went after the jump.

So, instead of packing sexy lingerie for a romantic weekend trip, I packed the BlowGuard. (My interpretation of "romance" may be slightly skewed.) After a day filled with wineries, breweries and fairly constant levels of intoxication, I took it out of its packaging and presented it with a flourish to my man, who eagerly stripped down and lay back in bed.

What followed did not exactly unfold with the sexy smoothness of soft-core porn. After puzzling over whether or not the bullet vibe could actually fit into the dental guard, my man took over, and we were finally in business ... except I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to place the BlowGuard over my upper or lower teeth.

I also wasn't sure that the BlowGuard could possibly provide a sufficient level of protection if it was only covering half of my teeth. (Note: I later checked the Web site, which said to place the BlowGuard over my lower teeth; because I am nothing if not thorough, I tried it both ways.)

Giggling Down South
Upon making my slow dive into my husband's crotch, I couldn't stop myself from giggling. I have always been fantastic at killing the mood.

I also couldn't stop worrying that the BlowGuard would fall out of my mouth. This thought made me tense my jaw, which in turn made me worry that teeth nicks were inevitable. My tightened jaw also made it impossible for me to actually fit my husband's willy into my mouth. (He asserts that this is because his member is so large.)

Finally, my husband became so impatient and frustrated with my inability to stop laughing or do anything remotely pleasurable for him that he insisted we go without it. "Besides," he said, "it's scary to see that thing coming at my penis."

The Bottom Line
If your technique is already tops, you don't need the bells and whistles. If you have a history of injuring men's genitalia, however, or just wanna try something new, the BlowGuard (two for $50) is well worth checking out.

Steph Auteriis a writer specializing in sex, relationships and other sources of angst related to the back-and-forth between men and women.

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