Lemondrop

We're riveted by the increasingly complicated story of Chris Turner, a pizza man who ventured outside his usual delivery area -- into the remote Tennessee mountains -- only to find a bound woman pleading for help on a couch.

When the orderer came to the door, Turner saw the woman pop her head over the couch and mouth the words 'Call 911.' Since he was out of cell phone range, he sped to the nearest neighbor's house and called the police, waiting around until suspected rapist David Jansen was hauled off by cops.

Now complications are arising, as the unidentified woman has a history of filing false rape reports. Police are still investigating her claim -- after all, just because she's filed a false report in the past doesn't mean she wasn't raped.

Much is still mystery, but we do know two things. First, this news report's photo collage of a creepy-looking guy, a coil of rope, and a box of ("Oven Fresh, Hot Delicious") pizza hilarious. And second, that pizza hero Chris Turner really is a hero for saving a woman he thought was in great danger.

Hooray for brave men who sound like delicious lunches!