14 Comments
The Master Cleanse is a 70-year-old fad (created by railroad industry office clerk Stan Burroughs), but it didn't hit my radar until Beyoncé did it and lost 20 lbs. for "Dreamgirls." It may be one of the grossest weight-loss strategies out there, but that wasn't going to stop me from trying it.

The plan: For 10 days, you drink nothing but six to 12 glasses of a lemon juice + maple syrup + cayenne pepper brew. It's technically not a fast since you're downing between 700-1,300 calories of maple sugar a day, but it's definitely giving your dental work a vacation. Still, by day 10, you're supposedly renewed, restored, reborn and detoxed!

Further unscientific research (Google.com: "is cleanse gross") turned up proponents claiming everything from 15-lb. weight loss to kicked sugar and smoking habits to a entering what they called a state of bliss. Bliss? From lemon juice?

I was so trying it.

The Beginning -- Days 1-4
I was warned these would be the hardest days. Oh, really? Not eating anything while my co-workers flaunt their chewable food? Slobbering on sight whenever I walk by Taco Bell? Hearing the voice of the vending machine in my head? Piece of cake – did I say cake? By Day 4, I was ready to trade my dog for a cheeseburger.

Click here to find out if Jenny survived her cleanse.


Body Cooks Brain -- Days 5-6 On the plus side, my stomach is no longer sending hunger signals to my brain. At this point, it knows better. The downside is my body is apparently cannibalizing my brain. I've locked myself out twice in two days, I couldn't remember where I parked, I honest to God forgot to comb my hair, and my boss had to wake me up in the middle of a meeting.

A Calm Sets In -- Days 7-8 I've lost 9 lbs. and become the Yogi of Serenity. I'm definitely experiencing the cotton-headed high everyone raves about, but I've still got enough functioning brain cells left to know this isn't bliss so much as that eerily tranquil experience people who starve to death have before dying. I request to be buried in my skinny jeans.

Please Make It End -- Day 9 Twenty-four hours to go and in order to get through this, I'm going straight to bed and waking up when I can have cake.

The Finale -- Day 10 I did it! I'd dance with joy but I'm too excited by the idea of chewing something. While Burroughs recommended incorporating the lemonade into your daily diet, I think I'm done with it. Forever.

Still, I'm glad I tried it. I've logged 11 lost lbs., have a notable increase in energy, and feel a weird sense of calm -- even in the face of a boss who's got to wake me up in the middle of meetings. I'm also wondering if my newly detoxed organs look as startlingly pink as my tongue–and how long it's going to take this filet mignon to ruin all that work.

Jenny Muller is a beauty writer from San Francisco.