Men are expected to be yearning/aching/wanting/thinking about sex every waking moment of every day. Which, we guess, is why the authors of "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore" say women jump to some pretty drastic conclusions about why their men don't want to do the deed. Here are a few:
1. He's angry.
2. He's not well.
3. He's been traumatized.
4. He's addicted to porn/drugs.
5. He's cheating.
Yikes. While those reasons may, in fact, be valid on rare occasion, we've got a better idea why he doesn't want to jump our bones: He's tired. Read more of this ground-breaking theory after the jump.
Think about it: Sex for gals isn't a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kinda thing. First, he's gotta convince us we actually want to have sex. (And let's be honest -- we use the "tired" excuse waaaay more often than dudes.) Then, he's gotta warm us up. Then there's foreplay. More foreplay. Even more foreplay. Then finally, sex. It's a process.
Now throw in an awful day at work, a mind-numbing hour-long commute during rush hour, kids (if applicable) and dinner. Perhaps, like us, he's just exhausted. So instead of spazzing that are men are banging their secretaries just 'cause they don't want want to get kinky tonight, give him a break. Or a blowjob. Either way, he'll appreciate it.

















Comments:
Add a comment
Wednesday 27 May
By Maria
Lemondrop Ladies, I'm a bit surprised about this article, particularly with your other article saying that smart women have more orgasms. Must we really keep up the old "women must be convinced to have sex" schtick?
Must say, I'm disappointed, Ladies.
Reply
Saturday 06 June
By LOL
Read that article again carefully plz. Can you tell the difference btw IQ and EQ??
Wednesday 27 May
By bulok79
Effin great article! I agree wholeheartedly 100% with the author's recommendation
Reply
Wednesday 27 May
By bulok79
that is an effin great article, very insightful and I agree 100% with the author's recommendations
Reply
Wednesday 27 May
By Ken
You hit the nail on the head! Actually, it's not always about being tired though. Some men are very visual, sometimes it takes just a little spark to ignite an up roar. I believe it really goes both ways, if both partners understand the little messages behind the lure, then sex will definitely happen more often.
Most problems start with using sex as a tool, after so many times of being turned down because you've failed to achieve something, you sort of get use to it and then you turn away from the game.
KA
Reply
Tuesday 30 June
By dee
thats so true. take for example my wife use sex for a game to get what she wants. so now it just whatever.
Wednesday 03 June
By molly
"(And let's be honest -- we use the "tired" excuse waaaay more often than dudes.)"
Wow...nice sexist generalization.
Reply
Thursday 11 June
By jackson
or he might be saving himself for marriage
Reply
Friday 26 June
By Relieved
I've finally dumped my man after playing the "awww, he's tired, the poor little fellah" game for over a decade.
He had zero drive - and refused to address it. Then he got mad when ALL physical contact stopped because I refused to continue trying to initiate it. I gave him room; I gave him time; I soothed his ego; I did not pressure him. I scored twice a year if I was lucky.
I completely understand what some men go through.
Reply
Monday 29 June
By blonde
Thanks I think I have him now...
Sunday 28 June
By Stoogeman
Where's the book on why women don't want to have sex. We are in our 30's and my wife could care less if she's has sex at all. I've done everything I can think of to change things up. When we do have sex she says I take to long. I take a long time because I don't know when she will give it up again. My aquarium fish, and our cat get more action then I do. I know it's not right and it's wrong, but I have found myself looking at other women with lust, and who knows I might just take up the offer if it's there to take care of my needs. I know it;s not right and it wrong, but what to do? And yes we have kids(3)
Reply
Monday 13 July
By girly_girl77
You should make her feel a little insecure... Go out with your friends for a beer, if you don't have any go to a bar grab a beer and get home just one hour later than you usually do, don't try to have sex with her for a while... If she don't want to loose you she'll try to get your attention getting naked in front of you or wearing something sexy as a pj or doing something different... I don't understand why girls don't want to have sex after a while... I'm crazy about my bf and want to have sex with him more often than he does!!! :-S
Monday 29 June
By Satisfied
Do you know why your wife keeps telling no Mr. Stoogeman because you probably don't know how to satisfy her. It's not all about how long you take, it is about thinking of your wife and her needs, not just your own. Women (especially the ones that have kids) have hectic days and we just want to relax at night. If you would just think about her needs for a change and maybe help her a bit more, she might be more willing to be with you. And think about satisfying her for a change and you will se that it will pay off, she will be willing to have sex more often cause you make her feel good.
Reply
Wednesday 01 July
By Megaman
Hmmm.
I think you are focusing more on the womans side of needs and not his question. He did say that "He has tried everything...." Theoretically, I'm guessing, that he has tried your suggestions, Satisfied.
What does he do if his wife doesnt respond to anything, antmore? Is it wrong for him to keep trying and failing, or is it right for him to lust after other women that would fulfill his needs? These are normal thoughts. "Why is my wife no interested in me anymore." "Why do I have to wait a year to have sex with someone that I'm married to?"
There has to be a level of fairness here. This is for both sides, man and woman.
it has to be a 2 way street where they both meet and agree on a sex life that works for them.
Stoogeman, talk to your wife. For better or for worse, but were rooting for the better here. Find out what has changed. Why her sex drive has seemingly dissappeared. Spot her body language when she is talking. Keep it honest.
Tuesday 30 June
By zepplin
Ladies it takes more than just sex. It is ok to wear stockings, pantyhose, be creative. I love to be wined and dined and have a sexy image of making love with the woman I am with. Oral sex, touching, playing with your hair, be demanding at times, share control. I love when a women just gets into a new situation ans explores. But ladies, lets be honest. The roll over before night night is boring! And I can see why a man would wander if thats all he is getting, or worse, fall in love with porn. Just because you may have been in a relationship or married, don't forget what got you there. Pleasure, good feelings, laughter. Its ok to please your man and vs versa.
Reply
Monday 29 June
By diane
Using the kids as an excuse not to have sex is my husbands issue now that our boys are tween and teens.
It is a real pain because he's too tired at night.... bah
I like sex and enjoy it want more of it.
Reply
Monday 29 June
By Lpt
To me this article is just meer commentary. Purely written to recive comments rather than to give out functional advice. Seems ti have worked a little though.
Reply
Monday 20 July
By The Norm
The best advice I ever heard was from my Dad:
1) Do not go anywhere that you cannot take your wife to.
2) Do not go anywhere that you cannot take the kids to.
3) Do not go unless you are taking the Wife with you and you make the Babysitter Arangements.
4) Take the Kids with you and give Mom a break.
5) Remember that after the "Lust" wears off you will eventually have to carry on a conversation with your spouse. Make sure you both enjoy each other's company in a sexless format.
6) Pitch in and help out - don't allow embarassment for not knowing how to fold towels or other jobs around the house keep you from helping. Just ask - your spouse is your partner and will teach you.
7) Respect your spouse
8) Mom's - start teaching your boys at a young age how to do household management. Groceries, Dishes, etc... Later in life you will have some great memories and stories to tell. Plus your Son becomes a better partner to his spouse.
9) Dad's - start teaching your daughters how to be independent - encourage higher education for them, and listen, Listen, and LISTEN.
If we could get 25% of boys and girls to experience family life as ascibed earlier we just might see healthier marriages with a very healthy Love Life. Not just "sexual attraction divorced under 5 years types.
Keep yourselves clean in Mind, Body, and Spirit and you'll be 3 steps ahead of your peers in bed.
Thats all I Gotta say 'cept "Nuff Said -- The Norm
Reply
Thursday 17 September
By melinda
i think thats the best advice i ever heard
Saturday 11 July
By C H i C H i
I completely agree with the advise above.
I must say mothers shouldn't spoil their daughters too much, they'll end up being too dependant or not know how to cook or keep the house clean. A man relies on his girlfriend or wife to take on such tasks.
Reply