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We all know cheating's bad. But what about when you're single and your partner isn't? After Lauren at CollegeCandy found herself hooking up with a guy with a girlfriend, she said, "I can't stop wondering if stopping this sex train was my responsibility. Should I have walked away?"
Simply put: Nope. I've found myself in this situation once or twice, and I've decided, eh, not my problem. I'm not the one in a relationship, I'm not supposed to be faithful to someone, and it is not my responsibility to keep this guy faithful -- unless there's a ring on it, there's no home to be wrecked, just a lease.
Keep reading after the jump.
In Lauren's case, it's not until she's back at the dude's apartment surrounded by couple-y photos that she realizes she's about to help him commit an act of adultery. She writes:
I didn't know what to do. I mean -- he had a freaking GIRLFRIEND. What if that was me? What if my boyfriend was out picking up girls? But at the same time, he hit on me. He pursued me. This was his choice, not mine.
And he was such a good kisser.
Whether it's a full-fledged affair or a random hook-up, there's usually a point before getting hot n' heavy with an attached guy when you ask yourself, What am I doing? Am I bad person? But while benevolence is kind, you don't "owe it" to your fellow female to keep her man in check.
The only thing a girl who's about to screw around with an unavailable man is responsible for is herself. There's a key word to keep in mind, however: unavailable. Don't kid yourself into thinking this is something it isn't. Nix the "this was his choice, not mine" attitude because you most definitely do have a choice in the matter, and it's up to you to be honest about what you're choosing. If you are looking for a "good kisser" for the night, wrap it up (you know he doesn't take exclusivity seriously) and get it on. But if you're doing it to try to win him over, you're probably setting yourself up for disappointment.
Tell Us: We know every girl has an opinion this -- and probably a story to share. And I'm curious how many of you agree with me. Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks!
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Monday 29 June
By cory
This is a disappointment and a disgrace. Think of yourself in the situation and how you would feel, knowing or finding out about your boyfriends new passtime.
Im sorry but we are living in a society that lacks an extreme amount of morals. Why not just end the relationship if you want to get out on the town again? Or...is hurting someone your are supposed to be close to fun?
whoever said cheating is the new faithful can blow me.
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Monday 29 June
By boyan128
I agree completely with you. I was involved with a married man for over 3 years, his wife wouldn't do anything for him and when he met me, he was putting a new carpet down in my apartment. He would end up coming over to the landlord's house and we hit it off from day one. Then one day he laid the best kiss imaginable on me and I was hooked. He was like a drug and I was addicted. It started out very casual, but after about 1 year it turned into a passionate love affair. But I broke the first rule, I fell in love and that was ok with him, because he felt the same way, and since we were friends first, it was just the next natural step and we were intimate every night for 2 years. It only ended because I had an older girlfriend who felt she needed to know what was going on in my personal life, and she started having me followed. We didn't get caught in the act, just taking a ride in his car, but that was the beginning of the end. It's been over now for about 4 months, but my heart is broken in two and I don't know what to do. I know I have to move on, but I am still in love with him and can't move forward. He went back to his wife, but I know for a fact nothing is still going on and I just think of him every day and I miss him more and more. I know that if I got him back, he would be mine. I know the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater", but I know that wouldn't be the case because I kept him happy and satisfied. His wife thinks this was a one time thing, but it was a 3 year relationship that was completely satisfying to both of us.
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Wednesday 01 July
By Stephorna
People should stop coping with their unhappiness by inflicting pain on others. If you are unhappy and want to cheat, then break the hell up with the other person. AND if you know the other person has a significatn other, why would you want the headacheof thier relationship.(no matter how hot they are) Screw someone single! People are so damn grimey!
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Wednesday 01 July
By Mamitejada
I am personally wiff a guy that has a gf we started hooking up 1 month after they became official so hes been cheating since he started basiclly i dont feel any mean wayy or anything cuss we women or no one is perfect and u lay your eyes on a guy thats taken your heart doesnt choose where or who u wanna be with shyt happens but when we started talking he didnt even mention her i found out after we had already had a good conversation and i wuss already into him there wuss nothing i could do & i would never try and break them up ever even though she called me we had big argument over sum texts i wrote & she saw how stupid can he be to leave them there well w.e i jusst think we have no fault & i am madly in love with a guy that has a gurlfreind & ima keep loving him even if its wrong sorry for those who dont agree i could care less s&j103008=pair of losers
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Wednesday 01 July
By Mamitejada
& fyi.btw We have great sexxx in his bed where she lays where her pictures and letters are all over the wall now whos bad?
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Wednesday 01 July
By Suzi
i don't agree with this article when it seems to glorify and encourage infidelity. this sorta thing rarely ever just affects the two or three people involved. it extends much farther... it just doesn't end well. ever.
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Friday 03 July
By BiankaQueenB
Absolutley not...
Girls: If u belive that messing around with an unavailable man isnt your problam, i hope you dont ever plan to fall in love. because then you will probably get a taste of your OWN medicine.
I dont belive women should say its not "their problam" just becuz shes single and hes not.. i belive its 100% your problam..YOU are the invating another womans man. If u know hes taken the respectfull thing to do would be to get HIM to do the right thing, which is end his current relationship before bringing you into the drama.
when u get invloved with a man whose taken, your risking the end of a relationship, and what could be MAJOR heartbreak of another woman whose probably in love with that man. To you, this man is just something your intrested in, but to the wife/gf..hes most likley her everything...why cant woman respect that??
and woman who say "hes persuing me" thats bs bcuz more than likly YOU are putting it out there for him to WANT to persue you.
In my point of view, you arnt respecting him, your arnt respecting the other woman, and you for damm sure arnt respecting yourself.
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Tuesday 07 July
By jj02816
$hit happens. I was 21 yrs old married with a child when I met a girl whom my wife and I became friends with. The last thought in my head was to get her in bed. Then one day a year later, after many late night talks about relationships and their many problems, we ended up in bed. Neither one of us set out for this but it happened. This went on for 2 years. I told my wife about it, I knew I was wrong but also fell in love with this other woman, who eventually became pregnant with my child. It was then that we stopped sleeping together but maintained a friendship. My wife excepted what had happened and we worked everything out. The other woman moved away over night 18 years ago and we never heard from her again. We have stayed married and I have been faithful. recently my children wanted to know about their brother so the search was on. We have found him and his mom. We have since met and the kids love one another. Now the bad part, when I look at this woman 20+ years later I still feel the love for her and it's strong. I don't plan on cheating. I won't Cheat with her, but I told her how I felt and she told me she feels the same way. I just don't understand why or how , but you can be in love with more than one person! When you say being the other woman, I think that my wife was the other woman, because I gave more to the one I was cheating with. I made my wife second and her first. I am not happy about my actions but I am confused as to why I still feel the way I do. I don't know anyplace where it states you must fall in love with one person. In the end that one night stand may wind up being a life time commitment with children and others involved. Truthfully, I want to be dead, I Love my wife with all my heart, then I look at this other woman and feel the same way. I hate myself. So lock your man or woman up don't give them the opportunity to meet someone at a bar or social gathering without you there, it's a recipe for cheating.
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Tuesday 07 July
By unbelievable
I just went thru all these pages and was soo disappointed in all the horrible things i have read...I can't imagine ever hurting people we love, our families, and our children...over sex...I have been hit on several times...we all have opportunities to cheat....its about self-respect...its about morals...Many times when i have been approached by a man in such a manner..I remind him that he has someone at home, probably lying in bed, watching t.v., waiting for u to come home..missing u...ur children probably can't wait to c u in the morn to give u a kiss...it kinda wakes them up..makes them think about the mistake they r about to make..even if for only that nite..I kno i stopped him from possibly making a great mistake...And i walk away knowing I did what i would want done to me...
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Thursday 09 July
By naty
DAM! This is all crazy! Karma is a Bitch... but on another hand he approached me sounds crazy but we were both at the point where we were still with our exes but not in the relationship... weird I know. I didn't cheat I had been single for sometime but was still seeing the ex to see if there was something there and he wasn't all lies.
After that I was messing around with my friend who told me if wasn't seeing his ex... yet she ended up telling me they were trying to work things out... damn I felt bad being the other woman him saying that he didn't see things with her and me doing the same with my ex but I didn't think they were together. Still if anyone would ask him he was single, but she would say they were together. I shouldn't have done what I did and I never asked him to go see me after work or anything we had become really close friends and his ex and me weren't so close because of my ex. Damn to make story short I found out after everything that I was the other woman we ended up both single and our exes leaving us alone never finding out about each other but now I have seen my ex and I know he has seen his it's a mess but we both don't want them. I don't trust and I'm not ready for another 4 yr relationship gone down the drain... I was the other woman & though it was lust and at first I didn't know I blame ourselves both him and me. ... did i mention he is my BFF/MANAGER and she use to be a close friend...
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Saturday 11 July
By susie
If the other woman is a friend to the wife, it is her responsibility to maintain boundaries with her friend's husband regardless if she's single. Two people who supposedly care and love the wife can't put their hands ups and say we didn't do anything wrong simply because there's no sex involved. Blatant flirting, eye contact, touching is disrespectful, rude and wrong
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Sunday 12 July
By Marie
It might not be "your problem" if you're single and the guy isn't but karma is a bitch so good luck hoping you ever have a faithful partner in your future.
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Tuesday 14 July
By Eli
Been there done that. At first we were dating other people (so I thought) so I didn't care to inquire about the depths of the relationships. But after a few months it started getting serious. Then I asked if he was with anyone he said he's "seeing someone". To make a long story short that "someone" turned out to be his wife. After 8 months of dating i found out he was in fact married and with child despite the fact that I told him early on that I didn't do marriage or babies. But he continued to lie. After some of the truth was revealed I believed him when he said that it wasn't like that he was unhappy, it was because of convenience. He was going to leave....Anywoo, after five years he never left. Granted he did spend vacations, b-days, and holidays with me. In fact he was like an accessory and at times I couldn't get rid of him. But despite this he was still attached to someone else if not in practice certainly in theory. But to make matters worse turns out he was also seeing other women on the side of me. So, I have learned my lesson and will not date a dude with another woman cause Karma is a bitch. I have adopted this mantra, " When someone shows you who they are BELIEVE THEM" and "what makes you think that you are an exception".
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Tuesday 21 July
By alphabet_pony
I've been in Lauren's shoes before: flirting and messing around with a guy who has a girlfriend (we never had sex, thank goodness). Mine has been together with his girlfriend for five years but obviously he was getting tired of her and the relationship was not going well since he was all over me. I also had the same mindset too: "It's his problem, not mine. I can do whatever the hell I want."
But then I started to think about how shitty and embarrassed I would feel if I was in his girlfriend's position. Yet I still kept it going with him, enjoying the attention. Plus, he was extremely hot! But then those guilty feelings finally overloaded when things got even worse: his girlfriend was bring NICE to me! Not knowing that me and her guy were secretly into each other, she would always invite me to her parties or whenever they were going out, even ranting about her (two-timing douche of a man) to me! And I would feel like shit. So, completely seeping with guilt, I finally ended things with him.
I now realized that even though you have an innocent crush on an already taken guy, it's best to just keep it at that: INNOCENT. At least, for me. But some people will do as they please, which is fine, as long as they're fully aware of their actions and the consequences that might spawn from it.
Sorry I kinda rambled there, just had to put in my two cents.
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Sunday 09 August
By bella
i JUST was in this situation. im in europe and have been kinda seeing this guy. we kissed one night, and later on i found out he had a girlfriend. a few days later he told me she was coming to the city where we were and we only had a few days left together. i also found out they have been together three years!! for some reason, i dont feel like i did anything bad. i do feel a little sorry for the girl, but i agree with the article, it was his choice and he came onto me...
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Tuesday 08 September
By stella.ella.
i absolutely loved reading everyones opinions...
i have been "The other girl" ....all this made me feel better
i would like to hear comments about how "the other confesses to the gf" trying to make things better and try to apologize but instead gf totally gets the wrong idea and tells me to "back off"
please give me your thoughts whether i made the right choice?
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Thursday 24 September
By Anonymous
When my fiancee cheated on me, the "other woman" was my BEST FRIEND.
No, it's not okay to be the other woman, ESPECIALLY if you know the people involved.
Just imagine yourself in a serious relationship, and finding out that your SO cheated on you. THAT is what you're precipitating when you're the other woman.
If that doesn't bother you, then your parents should be ashamed.
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Tuesday 29 September
By Michelle
I have been the other woman several times in throught my life and actually am one right now in three different relationships and i think that its the mans fault . he made the decetion to cheat on his wife in the first place and its is his problem and not mine . in the first two relationships i am in i am in it only for the money because i am a single mother and cant work right now .i am going to college to get my education and in the second relationship the man is my childs father, his wife is very sick and i did not Know that in the beginning but now i want to get out of the relationship with my childs father because i dont want to be with him anymore . in the first two relationships the men are not in love with there wives anymore and want to really leave them but cant because they will go broke of they do leave there wives. there wives will want everything that they have and there wives will leave them with nothing so with that said i am ok with how i am living my life and will live my life as a misstress for the rest of my life so there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Friday 02 October
By Holli
Okay so i'm the type that like it was stated above either all or nothing. started college this fall and i just recently found myself in this situation. we hooked up and it wasn't til the weekend came to an end that i found out he's taken. i asked for advice and my guy friend told me not to worry not my problem to worry bout his committment im not the one in a relationship. there's a thrill about being with him that i can't get enough of. so the week went by and we found ourselves back into eachothers arms by the end of the night. we talked about the situation and although i feel like i'm setting myself up for failure i'm not ready to let it go so figure i stick with it and see if stays solid or if we keep enduring periods when we distance ourselves..i went to sleep with the bigges smile when he texted me and said goodnight baby..idk if i over reacted to this but it was unexpected word choice..what should i do?
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Sunday 10 January
By Katt
Okaye but what if it is the other way around ? He is the other man ? Say this is someone youve known for a while and hes basically your first . yu both mess around with or without being in a relationship but at the moment he isnt looking for one but your in one, and you care about the one your wit alot but when your sexually involved with him its not like "the other guy" is that wrong ?
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