We all know cheating's bad. But what about when you're single and your partner isn't? After Lauren at CollegeCandy found herself hooking up with a guy with a girlfriend, she said, "I can't stop wondering if stopping this sex train was my responsibility. Should I have walked away?"
Simply put: Nope. I've found myself in this situation once or twice, and I've decided, eh, not my problem. I'm not the one in a relationship, I'm not supposed to be faithful to someone, and it is not my responsibility to keep this guy faithful -- unless there's a ring on it, there's no home to be wrecked, just a lease.
Keep reading after the jump.
In Lauren's case, it's not until she's back at the dude's apartment surrounded by couple-y photos that she realizes she's about to help him commit an act of adultery. She writes:
I didn't know what to do. I mean -- he had a freaking GIRLFRIEND. What if that was me? What if my boyfriend was out picking up girls? But at the same time, he hit on me. He pursued me. This was his choice, not mine.
And he was such a good kisser.
Whether it's a full-fledged affair or a random hook-up, there's usually a point before getting hot n' heavy with an attached guy when you ask yourself, What am I doing? Am I bad person? But while benevolence is kind, you don't "owe it" to your fellow female to keep her man in check.
The only thing a girl who's about to screw around with an unavailable man is responsible for is herself. There's a key word to keep in mind, however: unavailable. Don't kid yourself into thinking this is something it isn't. Nix the "this was his choice, not mine" attitude because you most definitely do have a choice in the matter, and it's up to you to be honest about what you're choosing. If you are looking for a "good kisser" for the night, wrap it up (you know he doesn't take exclusivity seriously) and get it on. But if you're doing it to try to win him over, you're probably setting yourself up for disappointment.
Tell Us: We know every girl has an opinion this -- and probably a story to share. And I'm curious how many of you agree with me. Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks!
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Friday 22 May
By Cheating
cheating is the new faithful.
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Friday 22 May
By Melissa
I think the other woman is to blame just as much as the man is. This girl persued my then boyfriend, she started off as his friend and knew about me. She wouldnt give up and then he ended up getting her pregnant and I ended the relationship.
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Friday 22 May
By INSANE
Well I myself have been in this situation too. Let me just say I agree with Lauren . Not my problem !!! The man is the one in his relationship not me I was single and Looking at that time , but only for a good time . Thats all I wanted and He was unsatisfied at home and apparently she wasnt opento alot of things in bed and I was . You see men are like alley cats.. They stray away for awhile but always come home. And if your a single female out there and just want the no strings fling then Hey GO FOR IT!! And if hes married it aint your problem its his, and hes the one that has to go back home and face it not you!!!
So enjoy life and do it safely!!
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Wednesday 01 July
By jillian
Thats ridiculous, dubious even. If you're cool with sleeping with people in relationships you yourself cant expect to ever be involved in a serious relationship because Karma is the biggest Bitch of all and she'll have your partner wrapped up and ready to do it to you. (Besides who wants to deal with some cranky ass female that wants to rip your head off; for all those that like continuous frivolities with dudes that are involved.. )
Friday 22 May
By Bruce
"cheating is the new faithful. " AH, no. It just the lazy way to do things. Personally, I'd dump the chick(s) and go for new. Anyone who can't devote their "full and undivided" attention isn't worth the effort or trouble. Ever wonder how AIDS, Herpes, STD's and the rest of the ilk gets around? No MORALS and a ton of promiscuity helps. Sorry, I just don't subscribe to this type of behavior. It's either "All" or "Nothing", there is no wiggle room here, Either 100% or Nothing, you make the choice. I don't "share"!
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Friday 22 May
By Deeney
If only all men could think like you.
Wednesday 01 July
By Rhonda
I completely agree. Chicks like this make me sick to my stomach. I would never knowingly assist a man in cheating on his woman. What kind of world do we live in where promiscuity is praised and accepted? When a person truly believes that it's "not their problem" when they have a hand in DIRECTLY breaking monogamy is truly ethically and morally challenged. It's sad that it's so common. Truly unacceptable and trashy.
Friday 22 May
By KarmaHurts
Karma's a bitch. I slept with a dude in a serious relationship for over a year, and now the man I have been in love with for the last 2 years is occasionally unfaithful (I suspect..).
Now that the tables are turned I wish other girls would back off my man, even though at the core of it I know its my boyfriend's responsibility.
Just treat other's as you want to be treated. That's all I'm sayin'.
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Friday 22 May
By Louisa
agreed.
as long as you're aware of what you're getting into, then its fair game. (i think that i'd be pretty pissed if i found out AFTERWARD that the guy had a girlfriend)
cheating's not the new faithful, and karma...i don't think really applies in this context.
but, the tried and tired old maxim of "all is fair in love & war" certainly does.
(ahem, except, uh...waterboarding. that's not really war though...)
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Saturday 23 May
By Lety
Women need to respect other women.
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Wednesday 27 May
By Kasey Hofmann
AMEN.
Wednesday 01 July
By Pilar
I agree with you. I am in the process of a divorce right now. My husband cheated on me with a woman who knew he was married and with a family. After I found out he ended it. Then the girl started to call me to "apologize" and get closure. This entire time of talking to me (yes i know I was stupid to talk to her...but I was stil vulnerable & thought I could get answers from her that my husband wouldn't give me) she started to call my husband to tell him that I HAD BEEN CALLING HER! They started to get emotionally close again and started and emotional affair. So now I'm in my situation. I think women have to put themselves in the wife or gf shoes. Would you want it done to you? Hell no! It's heart wrenching and the only good thing I've gotten out of it is I finally lost the 20 lbs and am back to a size 2.
Saturday 23 May
By Annie B.
See, it's "not my problem!" stories like these that are pitting women against each other. If we don't stick together, what do we have?
And me personally, I just can't respect a man who cheats on his wife/girlfriend. He's a disgusting creature- he doesn't deserve me, even for one night!
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Thursday 11 June
By Ryan
How can you say that so absolutely?
Let me explain. I am in a bad marriage and have never cheated although I have had opportunities. That said - I have every reason to have an affair, as my wife has decided since she can't concieve there is little if any reason to have sex. (Twice a year does not count for much)
In last three years we have gone to therapy and she seems fine with that position. Therapist has not cured her so I believe not much good is getting accomplished. I still love her and she remains my best friend. She was never like this until she found out she could not have children and we choose not to adopt.
Do I walk out and start a new life or suck it up and live without sex for rest of my life? If I left now therapist says things could get worse for her.
Even though I have not strayed, how can I expect not to - at some point? Can't I least have some hope of having sex again without feeling like I should be judged as a creep and not be respected? Do I leave her and let her fall apart further or do I stay in limbo?
Annie, you comments appreciated.
Sunday 24 May
By Jay
Wow... That's really terrible... Clearly you have not been cheated on by a serious boyfriend. What if the girlfriend was you, or your best friend, or your sister? You can make 100 excuses to justify it, but it is never right to knowingly contribute to hurting another person.
Would you steal money from a stranger just because you don't know them? Would that make it okay? After going through months of hell with my cheating ex, I know that I would NEVER want to be the reason for another girl's pain. Wait until you are cheated on and see how it makes you feel.
And also, why would you WANT to be with someone who is so disrespectful to someone he supposedly cares about. Not only is there a lack of respect for others, but also yourself.
It's still the man's responsibility to be faithful. You're right, you don't 'owe' anyone anything. But to knowingly help someone cheat and to participate in potentially hurting someone else is wrong and a reflection on the kind of person you are.
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Sunday 24 May
By I'llTellYa
Thank you! I've been wondering why no one ever takes this stance, but I've been thinking it for a long time. He's the one with the relationship, he's the one with the commitment, it's not MY problem. Stop blaming women for a man's decision to stray. Why is it her fault? He's the one who is cheating, not her. Thank you for finally saying this out loud.
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Tuesday 26 May
By Steve
I see a few sides to this situation. Basically, if two people are in a committed relationship, neither will cheat; because they're committed to each other. Sometimes, however, only one person in the relationship is committed and that's when cheating occurs. However, it's questionable whether it's even possible for people who aren't married to cheat. After all, marriage is the badge of commitment.
To the extent a person isn't married, I would, if interested, pursue them. I'm in a situation now where a woman I know is being madly pursued by a guy she has no real interest in but he makes himself so useful, it's had for her to turn down the benefits. Knowing he is a useful pet to her and not a boyfriend, he tries harder and harder to please her - not going to make a difference. She invites me over for dinner and drinks occasionally and we enjoy each other's company but I'm not confused as to the quality of her character.
I would suggest that those who cheat, are entitled to be treated by others as cheaters - in other words, without compassion or love. Hit it, abuse it, and, when you're done, move on. After all, that's what they give others, so it's fair for that to be what they get in return. Interestingly enough, certain women thrive on being treated like cheap sluts - go figure...
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Sunday 24 May
By Cruella_Davila
What a slut.
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Sunday 31 May
By sue
Animals would do the same as you do because they probably can not tell the different between who is who. Besides, they don't know any consequences about unsafe sex and probably don't care who the baby's father is. If you are a human, you know the different between who is who, know the consequences and care about having tradition and normal mother-baby-(only)one father, you don't want to be the one who causes trobles to others.
When you meet bad people, you don't have to follow bad behaviors because you konw what is appropriate or not apporpriate. Treat others as you want to be treated. Stopit and don't let these kinds of animals pull you down because you don't want to be called animal.
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Monday 25 May
By thatdcsound
@lety - totally agree. Women need to respect other women.
Being a relatively sincere and respectful individual, I don't want to be associated with a man that cheats or the possible pain his partner may go through. Plus what goes around comes around.
I also get a kick out of this "The only thing a girl who's about to screw around with an unavailable man is responsible for is herself. " What a cop-out. How post-feminist of you. This is an example of why I don't like Lemondrop. I don't read typical women's magazines for the same reason I don't regularly visit this site. Its all bullshit.
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