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So Redbook did this feature where they asked nine couples to share what they learned from their parents' marriages. Of course, they all come up with sweet life lessons like "Speak Kindly of Each Other" and "Show Your Children Your Love," which is really nice ... but in a nation where half of all marriages end in divorce, not all of us learned such positive lessons from our folks. For instance: "From my parents I learned don't get married."
Read more bad stuff we learned from our parents' marriages after the jump.
+Marriage is a habit, and it's a hard one to break.
+If your husband is gay, he WILL eventually ask you for a divorce.
+Anything can be overcome by denial, silence and triangulation.
+Somebody has to be the adult in a marriage, and it's usually the woman.
+How about what my kids learned from my marriage to my ex?
Answer: Social worker's cell phone number.
+Most marital stress comes from two things: money and kids.
+Marry someone who's going to encourage your interests, not just his.
+A really great daiquiri recipe.
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Friday 22 May
By Shawna
One thing I learned from my first marriage...DON'T MARRY A JERK!!! If he's an a**hole while your dating, then he'll ALWAYS be an a**hole! He won't change no matter how much you believe he will.
While dating my ex had a ton of personality flaws, but I had convinced myself that I would fix him. Five years later he was the same, but I had been damaged in the long run.
That's my advice.
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Friday 05 June
By YeahRight
Yeah Shawna, that crap flows both ways! I'm so sorry YOU became damaged goods at the fault of the JERK. Seems to me people have choices in life. I made the wrong one by marrying someone for the wrong reasons. I thought I could train myself to love someone I really didn't before the marriage. That didn't work. 11 years later the only thing I'm thankful for are two beautiful children and that I haven't died of a heart attack...yet.
Friday 19 June
By Rick
Shawna, you decided to marry him - and with the thought that it would turn out okay because you could change him. So, it WAS a good decision on your part and you learned something important. You can't change anyone - even if you want to. The lesson is for you - don't try to change anyone. If you do you'll just be disappointed. But if there's anything you want to change about yourself - you can do that - and you can be successful.
Sunday 28 June
By Michelle
Never marry an abusive man. My dad is. Their marriage was eight years of Hell on Earth, and I'll bet my stepmother is suffering the same crap.
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Sunday 28 June
By deb wine
i learned that even the best man to start can end up being ur worst nightmare after 8 1/2 years he cheated with a coworker from sams club he found out what he wanted was there all the time ME that was a lie then after we were married almost 2 yrs he did it again another sams club employee and she new he was married and we had a child who is 6 yrs old and i busted him now we are seperated and he is saying he wants to work it out huh whos next sams club employees YVETTE COSTILLO AND LEANNA FOWLER where the last 2
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Sunday 28 June
By deb wine
that was 12 1/2 years wasted with him
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Sunday 28 June
By deb wine
i have been with man 12 1/2 years and several yrs ago he cheated on me with yvette costillo from his work then he says he figured out it was me that he really wanted so we have been married 2 yrs now but in feb he was busted again with leanna fowler again from his work.She new we were married and have a 6 yr old i hate them all and will never trust him again so who is next from sams club!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Monday 29 June
By cranberry
Deb Wine... what's your husband's name, and what Sam's Club? I think I work with him too! I'm sorry to tell you that you only know the tip of the iceberg...
Sunday 28 June
By GONEPOSTAL
my husband cheated with his samsclub employee coworker 3 yrs ago yvette thenwhen he decided he wanted me not her we married 6 months later it was almost 2 yrs in feb and he did it again another coworker leanna fowler and i have learned no matter how long ur together its never forever like you think . I never would havbe guessed he would have done that but what a waste of years with him
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Monday 29 June
By deb wine
well cranberry if u know so much you would know who he is and exactly who i am i worked there too but i do know about others and one of them was fired from same job
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Wednesday 01 July
By strangefolkmuch
May you explain why you had to post your story about 3 times?
Monday 29 June
By Arizona Child With Parents Without Love
*Children also learn responsibility
*To value important things
*To help those who are beginning the role of a child torn because parents don't love one another
*They learn who they can trust quicker
*They tend to turn to different hobbies if directed by an adult other than one of the parents
*And most of all they grow up very quickly
I will always love my mother she is very strong I just wish my father could have been more of a father. And to those who have helped me I will never forget them.
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Thursday 02 July
By Isabelle
My parents have been divorced all my life. My dad is a recovering alchoholic and it ruined my parents' marriage. You know that song by John Mayer? "Daughters", well that is the absolute truth.
"Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too..."
When you grow up seeing your family torn apart, you have a hard time believing anyone can find true love that LASTS. You gaurd your heart and are cautious to let other people in. But, you also gain an unmeasurable amount of love for those who have helped you through these times. From my parent's marriage, i have learned to be independant and strong.
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Thursday 02 July
By Inwaiting
I believe when you go into marriage you have to be sure that you REALLY want to be with that person. Marriage isn't a fair weather thing. You have to make sure that you guys are growing in the same direction. No realationship is always happy. How often have you wished you could divorce blood realatives but you can't so you work it out. You have to have the same mind frame when you get married. All people have some kind of a$$ h0le in them. Sometimes more than one kind. You just have to know before you get married that you both are willing to grow for each other, and that you are getting married for the marriage. Not the wedding or the concept. All marriages that have been together for 20 30 50 yrs have had BIG "deal breaking" issues but they've worked it out.
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Thursday 02 July
By barbarella
Don't worry so much if they like you. Make sure you like them.
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Friday 03 July
By Jayedee
Love makes the world go round. Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved? Big question! Maybe you think your in love! What's Love?
It is respect for each other - never hurting each other phyically or mentally.
Anxiously waiting to see him/her - counting the minutes. This is a good sign. Sometimes the expectations are unrealistic when one marries. You cannot have it perfect every minute. Divorce is not always the answer.
When one settles for less - no telling what is in store for you. A good sense of
humor is important ... It is not amusing when there is cheating going on or your walking around with a black eye. Mistakes happen and have to be corrected. You can't change a bad egg!
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Sunday 12 July
By kelly
everyone i know has been married than divorced so i have never married my parents,they were thier second each only stayed for the reason of money and 6 kids they are very angry people i live with someone 14 years now we have are ups and downs 3kids later were still together no paper
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Saturday 13 February
By yyy
1-Never marry an abusive man. Never marry a high maintenance woman. Abusive men believe women are beneath them, abusive women believe men exist to serve them. Both look upon the other sex as a material possession rather than a human being. Men must learn to look beyond a pretty body or face and women must learn to look beyond the draw of a thrilling and dangerous personality.
2-if your parents had a bad marriage, it will take years for you to get over it. It will take even longer to get over your anger issues so that you don't repeat the same mistakes that your parents did.
3-There is evil in everyone. Never believe anyone that says otherwise, the best people are those that know the worst of themselves and admit to it openly. Assholes will claim to be "nice guys" and evil women will claim to have "high standards". Both statements include a refusal to take responsibility for personal flaws and blame their dating misfortune on the characteristics of other people.
4-The sign of a good person is not how they treat their superiors, but how they treat their inferiors. When you date someone, pay close attention to the way they treat employees, waiters, animals, and children. Those who see weakness or childhood as a disability will not be any kinder to you when they find you to be slightly less attractive/older/fatter/ and sadder.
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Saturday 13 February
By yyy yyyyy
1-Never marry an abusive man. Never marry a high maintenance woman. Abusive men believe women are beneath them, abusive women believe men exist to serve them. Both look upon the other sex as a material possession rather than a human being. Men must learn to look beyond a pretty body or face and women must learn to look beyond the draw of a thrilling and dangerous personality.
2-if your parents had a bad marriage, it will take years for you to get over it. It will take even longer to get over your anger issues so that you don't repeat the same mistakes that your parents did. And it will take even longer than that to actually be attracted to normal people.
3-There is evil in everyone. Never believe anyone that says otherwise, the best people are those that know the worst of themselves and admit to it openly. Assholes will claim to be "nice guys" and evil women will claim to have "high standards". Both statements include a refusal to take responsibility for personal flaws and blame their dating misfortune on the characteristics of other people.
4-The sign of a good person is not how they treat their superiors, but how they treat their inferiors. When you date someone, pay close attention to the way they treat employees, waiters, animals, and children. Those who see weakness or childhood as a disability will not be any kinder to you when they find you to be slightly less attractive/older/fatter/ and sadder.
5-On another note, watch out for people that are always nice to everyone. Although kindness is a good quality, attention-seeking is not. Someone that always needs to please does not care whether they are pleasing you or whether they are pleasing a total stranger - their focus is always on their own reputation.
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Wednesday 24 February
By Ned Racine
Marriage, like religion, is a form of self-imposed imprisonment. The majority of men and women who are otherwise normal, rational and responsible human beings, will degenerate into suicidal/homicidal basket cases once shackled with the unrealistic expectations that accompany this outdated exercise in futility. The vast majority of men will never be happy having to spend their lives with just one sex partner. Women will almost always be the one's responsible for raising the kids and managing the purse strings, while feeling unloved and neglected. It's not by accident that most of the older cultures/religions trace generations through the mother. Dad can't be expected to hand on too long. Like with religion, in the normal course of events, good people will do good things and bad people will do bad things. But to get otherwise good people to commit atrocities requires marriage.
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