Sex always seems so much hotter in the movies: good lighting, sexy music, buff body doubles, countless creative seduction scenarios. But are these big-screen love scenes really so erotic when Brad Pitt isn't actually there?
I grabbed my favorite leading man to put three iconic celluloid sex scenes
-- from "Sex and Lucia," "A History of Violence," and "9 1/2 Weeks" to the real-world test. "Sex and Lucia"
(above) The Scene:
Paz Vega and Tristan Ulloa tumble from one sex scene to another, snapping intimate nudie pics with a Polaroid.Click here
to read how Beth's off-screen experiments went.The Reenactment:
We whip out my digital camera. I leave the photography to him, sucking in my stomach where appropriate. I like the attention, and he definitely loves the opportunity to record our sex session, but when I look at the photos later, I"m less psyched.
I feel a hormonal rush when I look at them, but I cringe at my gym-starved body, at my Casper pallor, at my vulgar nakedness (there are just some parts of my body I don't need to see), and at the thought of these snaps one day winding up on the Internet.
Note to self: Delete. Immediately. Real-Life Rating:
3.5/5 "A History of Violence" The Scene:
After finding out that her husband Viggo Mortensen isn't as squeaky-clean as he seems, Maria Bello copes the best way she knows how: angry sex on the hardwood staircase. Ouch.The Re-enactment:
The good news: My stairs aren't made of wood. The bad news: They're carpeted. But any worries about rug burn vanish as we get down to business. He perches on the top step, and I sit down on his lap, facing him -- ideal positioning for hitting the G-spot.
I have to trust him to hold onto my back to keep me from taking a bare-assed tumble down the stairs, and my knees are starting to feel the burn as they rub against the carpet, but in terms of the actual sex, it's, um, pretty fantastic. So fantastic, in fact, that the first question out of his mouth these days is: "Stairs?"
Now if I just had some knee pads ... Real-Life Rating:
4.5/5 "9½ Weeks"
(right) The Scene:
Kim Basinger and pre-scalpel Mickey Rourke get down and dirty while cleaning out the fridge. The Re-enactment:
Though I've found this food-play scene to be pretty enticing, executing it isn't quite so steamy. For one thing, I'm pretty sure good sex does not start with the question: "Do you have any food allergies?" Plus, we're on my bed, not camped out on the kitchen floor (I've got roommates, and I'm fairly confident that none of us have mopped in a good month).
Another downer: the contents of my fridge just aren't that sexy. Nobody really wants hummus squirted into their mouth, do they? Instead, I kick things off with a bit of Turkish Delight candy, outlining his mouth with the small cube.
He just lies there, until I nudge him and say, "Uh, you can eat it now." Hmm. Next comes the honey, which I squirt on his tongue before coming in for a sticky-sweet kiss. Not bad. Finally, I tempt him with a square of chocolate, but again, he's slow to take it in his mouth.
"Are you trying to fatten me up?" he asks. I feel ridiculous. It's too forced -- not sexy. Real-Life Rating:
2/5 Tell us!
Ever tried out a hot movie scene at home? Let us know how it went by leaving a comment or e-mailing us
. Beth Brennan is the byline Lemondrop bloggers use when they're too embarrassed to use their real names.