Lemondrop

Sales are down. Business is slow. Manufacturers aren't producing as much because customers aren't spending as much. Subscriptions to Entertainment Weekly are plummeting. I'm not sure how else to say it: Times are tough for everyone.

I hear complaints all the time from my friends. Everyone from servers who aren't making the tips they used to, to entertainment-industry workers who can't find jobs because the studios aren't producing as many projects. Everyone is hurting.

After a friend with what I thought was the world's most stable gig got let go, I now know that anyone, anywhere, at any time can get smacked down by the recession. Even if you're not fired you may have to take a cut in salary just to keep your job. It's horrifying. There is no escape. Or is there? Is there a job that's recession-proof?

I asked around, and most of my friends seemed to agree: drug dealers. So I interviewed one.

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Not that I spend my time around a bunch of addicts or anything, but I can't count how many times I've heard it said over the past few months. My friend Janet sighed, "I wish I was a drug dealer. Now I'll bet THAT'S a recession-proof job. I mean people probably want to get high to escape thinking about the recession, so I'm sure business is good."

So, I decided to do a little research that led me to G., a drug dealer in a suburb of Los Angeles. I met him at a party in Silverlake when someone pointed out what he did for a living. Thankfully, it turns out that most drug dealers aren't shy, nor are they really ashamed of what they do.

So I put on my Lemondrop investigative-journalism cap and asked him a few questions. To be honest, I was dying to know if business was as good as people seem to think.

CJ: This is going to sound weird -- but could I ask you a few questions?

G: What about?

CJ: I write a blog about being laid-off, and I want to interview you if you have a couple minutes. Totally confidential, of course. I won't use your name or anything.

G: What are the questions?

CJ: Is it true that being a drug dealer is a recession-proof job?

G: What? (laughs) Are you for realz?

CJ: Yes, I'm for realz. I want to know if the recession has affected your business. My friends, family and readers are all dying to know.

G: For serious? Well, to be honest I used to get $220 for an 8-ball. Now I only charge $180, and I have fewer customers than I used to.

CJ: Interesting. So you would say that your job, as a drug dealer, is affected by the recession?

G: Yeah. Hey, if you have more questions, I'll give you my number.

CJ: Oh, thank you. This has been informative.

G: Thanks, yo. Hey, Tweet me a link when the article comes out!

It was a short interview. I mean, you can't really tie up a drug dealer's time at a party when you're not spending money. So, to all of you out there who thought, "Hey, CJ, the recession affects everyone," congrats. You were right. But how many of you knew there were dealers on Twitter? @surprised.

To Do: Find more people with unusual professions to "follow."