When I met Jack, I felt pretty much every romantic, clichéd feeling ever -- fireworks crackling, the imaginary sound of opera music, weak knees ... the whole nine.I decided when I was young that I wanted to wait for sex until I fell in love. The problem was, that being an incurable romantic often means being incurably picky. Oh, I dated -- a lot. But if I didn't feel the lightning bolt, I tended to break things off after one or two dates. By age 21 -- though not for lack of opportunities -- I was still a virgin.
And then finally, I found the one. Here I was, in love with Jack; and, conveniently, he loved me too. Which is why we decided not to have sex.
Huh? Click here to read why she decided to wait ...
Jack was an "accidental" virgin too -- certainly not opposed to sex, but a total gentleman who made it a point never to push boundaries with girls. He'd never clicked with anybody enough to take things to the next level. For Jack, it was a matter of not finding the right person.
For me, it was a combination of not landing the right guy and the religion in which I was raised. I certainly don't go around preaching abstinence to everyone; it was just something I practiced personally. When we realized that we were novices in the effects of sex on a relationship, we made the decision to make sex something we worked on together, as a married couple.
What Made it Difficult (Besides the Obvious)
Abstinence seems to be a touchy subject these days. I'm just one of those girls who realized she'd have to be over the moon for a guy before she could fathom him seeing her naked. Call me crazy, but I think intimacy comes with time. Sure, it was really annoying being asked constantly how hard it was hard to refrain, why I didn't want to try sex, and getting called a prude (an awful lot). The truth was, until Jack, I'd never really wanted a guy bad enough to sleep with him.
Full disclosure: It was an incredible relief not to have to worry about his sexual past. No ex-girlfriends, no STDs, no competition to live up to. But our first time was a train wreck. Glorious and really intimate -- but a train wreck, nevertheless. But it got better eventually! Way, way, way better.
I'll Never Have Sex With Anybody Else ... and I Don't Care
Now that I'm married, people ask me if I'm worried that I missed out on having sex with other guys. You know, I don't think I was genetically coded that way. Plus, why would I need someone else to sleep with when the love of my life fulfills me, loves me, and truly knows me in the way no potentially awful, potentially regrettable, sweaty, thick-necked frat dude could have.
I realized this sounds really old-fashioned, but I'm not advocating you quit your career and start baking pies. But isn't it as crazy as the frequency with which my friends call me in a panic after a regrettable one-night sexcapade with a guy they'll never speak to again?
I'm not saying wait until marriage. But I think with every guy, it's not totally outrageous for you to ask yourself if you trust him with your body -- and your heart. If you feel comfortable and ready, then you have my blessing (not that you need it). So yeah -- I'll never experience sex with anybody else. But I'll also never experience the crap that so many of my beautiful and intelligent friends go through in the name of sex. I thank God for my husband every day, and thanks to him, I've never, ever questioned my value based on the fact that the guy didn't call me the next day ... 'cause the guy lives here.
Beth Brennan is the collective pseudonym for Lemondrop's sex and relationship bloggers and their more "sensitive" stories.












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Sunday 09 August
By Sharmika Gray
Im almost seventeen and Im a virgin. I dont believe in marriage but I cant wait to have sex. I cant imagine having sex with just one person. Any advice?
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Friday 28 August
By Jewels
I am a 22 year old virgin who is marrying a 21 year old man. It is so hard to believe in this society that it's possible that there is other virgins that waited until marriage. I couldn't believe that I found this article about a couple that waited and are proud of it. I was so encouraged by all the people that responded to the article and expressed their approval, and who also have maintain their virginity until marriage. I hope that many more people, who are virgins, will read this article with the responses and realize..... they're not alone.
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Saturday 05 September
By matthew
As a really passionate guy I want to give everything I have to my woman and have every bit of her. The idea that some ahole out there has been with my wife, when I am the one who committed to her for life, drives a knife into my heart.
If you only have sex with your spouse then that adds to the uniqueness, and thus value, of your relationship. Additionally, am I the only one who still believes as our grandparents in the greatest generation believed --that sex outside of marriage is slutty.
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Sunday 13 September
By Matt
I'm a guy, freshman in college, and never had sex. Since school started a month ago, I have come to realize how hard it is to resist sex in college. High school was a time in my life where I was confident in staying a virgin, but a month into it, college has proven so difficult. I thank you so much for the article, you affected my whole life. I even have a couple condoms in my dorm, but I am throwing them away after I type this. I started thinking with my mind rather than heart. You really affected my life, and I want you to know that. Keep doing what you do. God bless, Matt
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Tuesday 27 October
By Janell Scott
I am 36 and still want to wait til I'm married.
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Sunday 22 November
By Julie
I'm 23 and still a virgin. No boyfriend, never dated, never kissed a boy ever. I pledged to be a virgin til marriage since I was 14. Wasn't a problem in HS since I didn't have a boyfriend or anyone to do it with. Well now I'm not a virgin with myself but still plan on being a virgin til marriage....or until I find the right person...I'm not sure with which to go on but I'll figure it out. Good luck to you all! Stay strong!
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Wednesday 03 March
By Kaila
So awesome! Really great story! :) I am waiting too, it will be so worth it.
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Thursday 01 July
By sarah
Im an 18 year old girl and im not a virgin. I lost it to a guy I barely knew when I was 16 and I've regreted it ever since. It was a horrible mistake and I have beat myself up for it ever since. I've made a promise to myself and to THE BIG GUY to wait until I've married to do it again. I fully intend to do that, even though it's hard. I have a boyfriend right now that I love very much. I've told him why I don't want to have sex and he says he understands but he still wants to do it. He says that he loves me enough that he can wait until were married but it's gonna be really hard. I just hope that I can stay true to myself and to God.
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Friday 02 July
By RK
It's great to know that there are others who still believe in this view. In my opinion, as a girl, it is easy to be caught up in emotions, but imagine the complexity (hormones!) that comes around when intercourse is involved (not saying if are in a long-term relationship or married). Personally speaking, I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and are in agreement to hold it off until marriage (to anyone for that matter). It just makes the relationship even stronger and gratifying to know that your partner understands the whole you.
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Friday 27 August
By Ashley
omq i think thts really cute well im a teenaqe qirl and at my aqe alot of teenaqes have sex. I never considered beinq abstinance and then i fell in love with my boyfriend and i knew he was the riqht quy. He wanted to take it slow and i wanted to take it fast. I thouqht over the situation and i decided the best thinq was to wait till marriaqe because thats the way to show someone you really love them riqht well thats how i see it and i tell my friends that im abstinance and they lauqh at me or dont take me serious knowing how i am but i know hes the right one nd he wants to wait and i do too.
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Tuesday 07 September
By Rei-chan
I am a 20-going on 21 year old female. I'm still a virgin. Yes, I get urges like everyone else, but my decision to remain chaste has always outweighed the thought of having sex. I've had a boyfriend who broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with him. I had another who cheated on me because he found another virgin who was willing to give it to him. There was another who just tried to "do it to me", and had the nerve to ask me "what are you waiting for?! What's the point?". At times, I think, "maybe if I just get it over with, I'd be happier.", but no. Until I have found the right man, the man I know I'm going to love and marry, and he respects my decision to remain a virgin until we are married or until I am absolutely sure that he loves me, then my choice to remain a virgin stands.
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Tuesday 22 March
By Sam
I am a guy and you may not believe I lost my virginity at 26. Before you assume things- I dated girls from my teen years itself, but wanted to save one of my precious possessions for the woman in my life. Lord almighty presented me with this wonderful woman and guess what, we broke it through- mutually after marriage. I am just so happy that we are not the only couple that've done this.
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Friday 25 March
By Ayanna
I'm 14 and I'm a virgin and I want to stay that way until I'm married. Right now I have no pressure on having sex but I know I will in the futuree so before that time came I wanted to hear about adults who waited. Thanks, this is major inspiration :)
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Monday 30 May
By Mike
This is an amazing post that offers great insight into your experience.
I just have one criticism. You made a stereotypical reference to frat guys. I would like to point out that not all fraternity guys are "sweaty, thick-necked."
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Wednesday 24 August
By ella
I'm 22 and a virgin. I'm waiting for that special person and of cos after marriage :) (Tell me he worth to wait ^^)
but I have this crazy thought in my mind..
If I'm still not married until the age of 30++ I've plan to have sex with the hottest guy I can find.. lol
But yeah,, what if he didn't exist.. so I wait for nothing. sigh~
I hope he's somewhere out there.
"They sleep around, I wait around"
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