36 Comments   
Men don't have nearly the wide array of fashion options that we ladies do -- yet they still manage to wear some pretty weird stuff. What's worse, dudes will keep stuff in their closet FOREVER, and recycle bad and played-out trends from the dawn of the dinosaurs -- unless you tell them to stop it.

That's why we've put together this list of terrible guy accessories that need to go. Guys, we're putting a stop to these terrible accoutrement for your own good, because nobody -- and we mean nobody -- should ever wear Tevas again.


Beta Males

    Ben Stone (Seth Rogen), "Knocked Up." A beautiful woman with an unbelievable job hops right into bed with an out-of-work Canadian stoner, under the cinematic pretext of "beer goggles." Please let us know what she was drinking so we can buy stock.

    Universal

    Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), "Say Anything." Oh, Lloyd Dobler. Now that we know that kickboxing was not, indeed, the sport of the future, following gorgeous, smart Diane Court to college in England without a job or prospects of his own just seems kinda pathetic.

    Everett Collection

    Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell), "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." Steve Carell's hairy manchild had neither a driver's license nor a lick of sexual experience, but landed small-business owner and hot single mom Catherine Keener. You know, 'cause he was so nice.

    Universal

    Chuck (Adam Sandler), "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry." A homophobic firefighter so broke that he agrees to marry his male co-worker for domestic-partner benefits lies to Jessica Biel about his sexual history. She falls madly in love with him. Who wouldn't?!

    Universal

    Troy (Ethan Hawke), "Reality Bites." Unemployed musician makes romantic pronouncements about smoking Camel Wides and bitches at Winona Ryder even as he crashes on her couch and hits her up for free pizza. The love story of our time.

    ZUMA Press

    Seth (Jonah Hill), "Superbad." Aside from a rather impressive collection of obscene drawings, this paunchy, raunchy dork seems to have little to offer the cute, funny girl he gets.

    Sony

    John Beckwith (Owen Wilson), "Wedding Crashers." A gorgeous, altruistic treasury secretary's daughter falls for a "professional mediator" who spends his spare time lying his way into parties and bridesmaids' underpants. Obvs.

    Everett Collection

    Ben Wrightman (Jimmy Fallon), "Fever Pitch." Boston baseball superfan and crap boyfriend constantly ditches his beautiful, successful girlfriend because the Red Sox "need" him. How adorable!

    20th Century Fox

    Dante (Brian O'Halloran), "Clerks" & "Clerks II." A chubby dude with a creepstache and a series of crap jobs that he loves to whine about. Catnip to women like Rosario Dawson.

    Weinstein Co.

    Michael (Zach Braff), "The Last Kiss." A mopey man-boy cheats on his lovely, pregnant girlfriend with a college student, and she takes him back. In the movies, he's "conflicted." In real life, we call that "sleazebaggy."

    Dreamworks