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Here's a bitter truth: Guys lie. Often, wildly, and with finesse. We're basically lying machines. We were born that way.

And you know what we love lying about? Why we're breaking up with you! Now and again a guy finds the need to hit the eject button and shoot off into the invigorating atmosphere of singledom. And no matter what sugarcoated reason we give for dumping you, it probably comes down to sex. (Either you're not giving us enough, or we just want more. With other people).

So in the spirit of tough love, here's a handy guide to breakup lies guys tell, and what they really mean. Brace yourself.

Most Annoying Couples

    The Love Birds They think they invented love and they want to share it with anyone within eye-shot. Gross. Get a room. No one needs to see that.

    Michele Buteau

    The Fight Club There's nothing that won't start an argument between them. They'd break up or get divorced if only they knew how to live without the pleasure of hating each other every day.

    Hyperscholar, Flickr

    The Karaoke Couple Same bar, same songs, same night, every week. These two should take their act on the road...to hell.

    Bricken Sparacino

    The Newly Engaged No one has ever been as happy as they are! And don't worry, their wedding is SO not going to be like all those other weddings. It's going to be special...and the only one that either of them will ever have, for sure.

    Jrayfarm1980, Flickr

    The Newly Married Who Think They've Really Got Marriage Figured Out Oh boy, have they got relationship advice for you; thoughtful, charming, deeply self-satisfied advice that absolutely will not make you want to projectile vomit into their sincere faces.

    Livia Scott

    The Tourist Couple Do not lock eyes with them. They will ask you where they are, where they're going, how to get there and why it has to be so complicated. Then they'll ask you to take their picture.

    Carol Hartsell

    The Couple Making Out at the Bar You could tell them to get a room but it wouldn't do you any good. Whatever room they're currently in is the room.

    Mindy Tucker, withreservation.com

    The Drunk Couple on the Dance Floor One moment they weren't there, the next they were. Where did they come from and how did they get there? Who knows? But whatever the vehicle, Jim Beam was their co-pilot.

    Elizabeth Ellis

    The Lesbians Who Are More Fulfilled In Every Way Than You'll Ever Be Fat lot of good your college experimentations did you. Real lesbians will always have better sex, better conversations and better houses. Why did so many people vote yes on Prop 8? Jealousy.

    Getty Images

    The Twins Studies suggest that the longer couples are together, the more they begin to look alike. But when you start to look less like a woman and more like your husband's teenage son, it's time for an affair.

    Getty Images