By now you may have heard of Kari Ferrell, the New York administrative assistant who seemed like an average 22-year-old hipster ... until it was discovered that she's a pathological liar on the run from the law.
But Ferrell isn't the first person to make the news for whipping up whoppers, and she won't be the last. But why do liars start spinning yarns in the first place?
Everything But the Truth
Kari's hardly the first con. Esther Elizabeth Reed, for example, maneuvered her way into Ivy League schools and avoided capture for the better part of a decade. In France, Frédéric Bourdin, 30, was able to fool people in more than a dozen countries into thinking he was an abused teenager.
Even though they have to be fairly intelligent and cunning to lie, psychologist Doris Jeanette of the Center for New Psychology in Philadelphia says pathological liars do what they do because they are "massively insecure." They don't think they're good enough on their own, so they formulate fibs to feel better.
"Most liars will lie about anything, even when it is not important and it does not matter," Dr. Jeanette said. "They just say anything because there is no connection with their emotional self."
Are they crazy or calculating? Click here for more.Insane in the Brain?
That emotional disconnect allows liars to believe their own lies. And that helps them convince others of their untruths.
Michelle from New York, for example, was taken in by a gal pal who curried sympathy with talk of a rough childhood.
"Knowing she had a tough upbringing, I didn't mind grabbing the bill or paying for cabs. I was even entertained by the stories of how she lived in Rome when she modeled for Ford Modeling Agency, that her father was from Rio de Janeiro or that her roommate stole $1,000 in cash from her bedroom," Michelle admits.
Michelle even let it slide when she thought the friend had stolen cash from her. But when she discovered that some of their mutual acquaintances had experienced similar behavior, Michelle confronted the woman.
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
The scary part is there seems to be no way to predict who or what will turn someone into a liar.
"I have known poor people who were severely physically traumatized in early childhood who lied and well-educated people who were emotionally traumatized who lied," Dr. Jeanette says. "I have known many who were abused and did not lie, so no, I cannot say from my clinical experience there is a common trauma for liars."
But biology is another story. Scientists at the University of Southern California found that truth twisters have more "white" matter in their brains and less "gray" matter. In English, that means they are more verbal and have less of a moral compass than normal people, which makes faking it a piece of cake after a while.
All in the Family -- or Not
Michelle eventually cut ties with her lying friend. For others, it's not so easy. Beth from North Carolina says her brother has lied about working for a major league baseball team, spying for the government and producing TV shows. She and her sisters haven't spoken to him in two years.
"We say about him, 'If he's talking, he's lying.' He's been that way ever since he could talk and also has a pretty extensive arrest record. However, his ability to con people has prevented him from serving any real time in jail."
Shirley from Pennsylvania says even though her sister-in-law is attractive, intelligent and personable, she lies compulsively. She's fibbed about her occupations and makes up illnesses.
"She will stare right at you and tell you the most fabulous, ridiculous lie, and it's almost like she is daring you to tell her she's lying ... I tried to organize a family intervention, but no one wanted to challenge her." Shirley eventually confronted her sister-in-law on her own and asked her to get help. The two haven't spoken since.
Tell us: Do you know someone who lies constantly? Do you ever call them out on their behavior?












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Tuesday 12 May
By Lindy
You have my sympathy for your experience and congratulations for making your escape. I had exactly the same experience--he was so good that he mesmerized people. At the end of my marriage I could no longer believe a single word he said--he would lie simply to lie. There was no rhyme or reason to it. For many years it upset me, then it made me angry. At the end, I was so convinced he was insane that it terrified me. It is not possible to have a real relationship with pathological liars because nothing real ever transpires. You live in a world made up of smoke and mirrors. I finally divorced him and left town, but it took me a very long time to recover from the experience. Perhaps you never fully recover because after many years I still have nightmares about it. If you haven't been there you cannot possibly imagine what it is like.
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Tuesday 12 May
By StallingWhilePensive
I was married to a consummate liar for five years, but didn't realize it until afterwards. My friends and family would tell me after the separation that they had known "for years he was a liar," but never said anything to me because they felt it wasn't their place. (I sincerely wish they had tried; though I don't know if I would have listened, I definitely would have been more attentive for the warning signs.) I trusted this man as anyone should trust a life partner, and even had a son with him. It got to a point where he convinced me I was suffering from "blackouts" in which I would physically abuse both him and our son. He even pointed to a friend of ours as a witness. (I was too humiliated to actually ask, but if I had, I would have learned he thought I was a great mother, and had never witnessed anything that even hinted at abuse.) He insisted that our son stay with his parents for a week, until I could get checked out by a doctor. I agreed, fearful that my son's safety was in jeopardy, and terrified because I was posing a threat I couldn't even remember. An MRI, an EEG, a neurologist, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist all told me rather quickly that I was perfectly healthy. Thus began my quest to get my son back. My then-husband had a never-ending litany of excuses for why it wasn't the right time yet, ranging from money to "I never wanted kids to begin with." I always trusted his parents when they said they would return him as soon as we asked. I was quickly asked to sign a paper granting them "guardianship, NOT custody" so they could seek medical attention should the need arise. (A seemingly reasonable request at the time.) We separated six months later, shockingly, when he told me he was in love with another woman. (There was no affair. She and I are tight, and not only did she call him creepy, I learned that all the time they had been texting, she thought she was texting me.) Despite the fact that he was rather vocal with his friends and family at the time about his feelings for her, he'll still insist to this day that we split because I was abusive. It's like he genuinely thinks we all forgot. I did find someone new (and amazing), and remarried. In the early stages of our relationship, my ex told me he didn't want me involved with this guy because he thought "he could really make [me] happy." (He was right.) He told the other guy we split over the abuse, and when my new beau didn't buy it, my ex told me that my new guy had confided in him that he wasn't really interested in me and never would be. When I finally called him on that, he began making accusations that the new guy was abusing our son. While I mostly just roll my eyes at him now when he easily slips in and out of reality, the real tragedy is that I am still struggling to regain custody of my son. My ex has moved back in with his parents three times in the past two years, and my son remains with them. My ex is doing everything he can to delay the process, and as of right now, it seems he is winning. According to my former in-laws, if we can't agree to a custody split by July, he will stay with them for at least another year. The truly ironic part of the whole story is that I can't even tell my friends everything he put me through because it sounds ridiculous. I'm afraid they'll think I'M lying. All I want is the kid back that I feel has been stolen from me. Pathological liars ruin lives for the sake of their own egotistical, narcissistic desires. It's not cute. It's not a personality quirk. It's sadism.
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Friday 02 April
By Monica
To StallingWhilePensive.
I truly belive in you, and after I read this I am convinced my husband is worse than I thought. For some moments I thought I was going crazy and even after I found out about the lies, I was still asking myself about things I kept discovering, it makes worse because I am out of my home country and don’t have friends in this city yet. The last and most astonishing about this guy (my husband), just now I believe that he did this thing too: I was waiting for some medicines for my high blood pressure to come from brazil by ups. He knew I was running out of them in a few days. The box was suppose to get here in 5 days and after 15 days I finally went to the post office and they told they tried to delivery twice and left two notices. This is a safe building and each person has his own key for the mail box (my husband has the key and checks the mail every day). It did pass through my mind he found the notices and threw away, but this I refused myself to believe, after all, we get along and this would be so beyond any understanding. But now I really believe he did that and it’s scares me so much.
Tuesday 12 May
By tom
I know someone who is like this. She lies about everything and any time i confront her about them, she says, "well, it's all really just a matter of perspective."
In short, what she is saying is that she can say whatever she wants about whomever she wants and simply default to "well, it's my perspective," and that makes it okay. It's seriously the most annoying thing! With that mode of discourse, there is no such thing as morality or honesty.
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Tuesday 01 September
By LaLowRain
Hey guys um I saw a few of you said that you were pathological liars. I'm a teenage girl and I'm hoping to be an author one day. I'm writing a book right now called Lie to me about a guy who is a pathological liar that falls in love with a girl who suffers from schizofrenia (sorry bad spelling) and depression becuase her parents were abusive. The boy lies becuase he is constantly trying to be better than his older brother but all he can ever seem to do right- is lie. I have the girls experience thanks to having a broken family. Not down to the T, but a lot of it. Would it please be ok if i talked to you guys for my book? I want to portray his life as if it were real so that my charachter isn't just a name in a bunch of pages. I want him to be "alive". I take pride in giving my charachters a soul and I want this to be no different. My email is : lorraine.santalucia@gmail.com I swear this isn't a bluff. Please send me an email and i'll reply asap. thankies guys! ^-^*
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Friday 30 October
By TATAlinks
I have a friend who has a serious lying problem.. I've known this for years but have recently started staying at her house so I see first hand how easy it is for her to lie. I always knew that she was a liar but I didn't know really how bad it was until now. This chick lies about everything to everyone.
One time we were at her apartment when the cable guy came to hook up broadband. When he arrived there was food cooking on the stove, we were watching movies in her messy living room along with one of her kids and she told this man that this was her weekend place and she had a home in another area of town and was just getting the internet on in this obviously lived in apt just because...
Personally I felt it was crazy b/c anyone with eyes could see that she clearly lived there full time and why in the heck would this cable guy even care about her other make believe home if he wasn't hooking anything up there...
I think she was embellishing b/c she felt inadequate and wanted to see if she could convince this dude that she had more than what she does.... I don't know why she lies about things or has to argue anyone down who trys to tell her something... She thinks she knows it all and will do everything she can to convince you that she's right even when you know 100% that she's not...
I can't wait until I can afford my own place b/c in addition to the pathological lying, she creates a chaotic environment. It seems like she constantly is involved in some type of emergency that requires someone's money to bail her out. She is very overly dramatic and loves to yell at the top of her lungs about everything....
Another thing I don't know why but she can't stand to think that someone has something that she wants, every chance she gets to turn her nose up at your stuff she does. She's miserable and it appears the only time she is not is when she can show of something...
Don't get me wrong, she has her lucid moments when she is the perfect friend, and she'll do whatever she can to help out others but I wonder why she always has to resort to her manipulating behavior and lies.
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Saturday 27 February
By Mark
I worked with, and was damaged by, an evil patho a few years ago. I have been so fascinated by her behavior that I sometimes get on-line and try to learn more about them. I found this site and it is very helpful. I have some advice when you get caught up in the workplace with a patho and who is telling lies to damage her competitors (and you) in the workplace. Because they can be evil. Here is a short version of my story. I'm changing some facts to make it unidentifiable. I dont' want her coming after me with a knife (I'm only half joking).
We are attorneys. I was her supervisor, but there are a lot of other people at my level in the workplace. Because I was the only one that worked directly with her in my department, I noticed pretty early on (and well before anyone else) that she lied about things all the time to get her way. If we had a disagreement about how something should be handled and I confronted her, she'd say something like, "I talked to the client and he wanted it done that way, not the way you said." She would then tell an elaborate story about her conversation with the client to back up this decision.
A few times early on, by accident, I would end up talking to the client and saying, "So, I heard you told her you wanted the case done X way, and that's not what I would recommend, but that's fine, so we'll do it the way you want it done." And the client would inevitably respond, "What are you talking about, I never talked to her about that....I want it done the way you originally recommended." I learned pretty early on that as soon as she started quoting another person who allegedly was siding with the way she wanted things to go, and quoting them to back up her argument, she was fabricating the entire conversation. She did this all the time.
I had never seen someone like this, and she freaked me out. I became sort of scared of her pretty early on, and I learned to also check when she claimed that someone had wanted something done in a certain way, because it was usually a lie. I just did my best to work with her and stay away from her as much as possible.
She also lied about being treated in sexist manner by men in the workplace. Everytime she left the building to go to court or a meeting, she'd come back and have an outrageous story about how the male opponent made a comment about her legs or butt, or said, "Don't you worry about such complicated legal issues...go home and make your husband a hot dinner." I don't deny that this stuff sometimes happens, but there is no way it happened all the time to her. She would have to have the worst luck in the world. And she would tell the same story 6 months later, forgetting that she told me it happened before already. And then sometimes she would tell these stories and put other people I knew as being present. I learned to check with these people and say, "Wow, I heard that other lawyer was a big sexist pig and made some really offensive comments when you were both at that meeting last week....That must have been something." Inevitably, they'd be like, "What are you talking about....that didn't happened." And I'd have to cover and go, "Oh, I mixing you up with someone else, that happened at the other meeting she was telling me about. I remember now. Sorry."
These are just examples. She lied about all sorts of things. If an attractive female attorney interviewed with the firm, and she felt threatened by this person, she would volunteer to call the applicant's references. Then she would come back and report that the references were bad, effectively killing the candidate. On more than one occasion I doubled back with the reference and realized that she had made up the negative reference just to get the person she didn't like kicked out of the pool of applicants. I didn't care about whether this candidate was booted....I doubled back just because I suspected she was lying, and wanted to find out for sure. Sure enough, she would just make up whatever reference she wanted depending on whether she liked or didn't like the candidate. It would have nothing to do with what the reference actually said.
During the 2-3 years that she worked up me in my department (just the 2 of us), I gradually got to the point where it made me sick to my stomach when I heard her voice. Due to complicated personal relationships that she had with important people in the firm through family connections, it would have been difficult for me to get her fired or to try to bring up this problem openly and accuse her of being crazy and a liar. It would have made me seem crazy. No one worked with her as closely as did I, and she seemed to be well-liked by the other female attorneys in the firm. She did social things with them and went to lunch with them all the time, but she never worked directly with them. She had a posse of friends. I would pull my hair out thinking, "Don't they recognize how crazy she is, how everything she says is a lie?" And then I'd rationalize that they must not realize it because they don't deal with her at the same level I do.
As time went on, I started to realize that the female attorneys were more and more cold to me. That they would be dismissive of me, etc. at meetings. I would think in my mind, "Is she telling wild stories about me?" And then I would think, "They know me too well to believe any bullshit she might tell them....they can't be that dumb......I'm just being paranoid."
Finally, she got moved out of my department and moved up with most of her female friends. I was relieved. I was at peace to have her out of my hair. For the next 2 years, the females who were her friends continued to ignore me or be cold to me. I just went on with my life and tried to stay away from the patho as much as possible.
Finally, this past spring, after she had been out of my department for 2 years, I got in a rare conversation with one of the female attorneys who was one of the patho's closest friends. She brought up that patho was up for a promotion to be partner, and that one of the other female attorneys had some issues with that because patho was believed to be "crazy" and to "distort the truth." I made a little comment under my breath to the effect that I agreed with that comment. Then the floodgates opened. This female attorney told me that they had all figured out gradually since she had moved up to their department that she was a liar, etc.
What is horrific is that she then went on to tell me that the patho had been telling all the female attorneys stories about me (going back to when she was in my department) that I was embezzling from the firm, having sex with very young college interns, and all these absolutely ridiculous lies. That is why they had all behaved so coldly toward me for years. Fortunately for me, I could show that her specific stories were flat out lies,. etc. etc. And they had all learned not to believe anything she said so they no longer believed the stuff they had been hearing about me for years.
But it was clear that this had done damage to me for years, and I had had people despising me for a long time without me even knowing it. The ways that woudl have affected me in small ways, professionally and socially, cannot be measured.
It was such a relief to know that everyone had eventually figured out the truth. The female attorneys who had also figured out what a crazy liar she is all agreed to meet and figure out a way to act with solidiarity and get her kicked out of the firm. It worked. We went to the leaders as a group and said she has to go, we will block any efforts to make her a partner. We had enough votes. She was gone. She now lives in another state and works for a firm that didn't do their homework and didn't call references. Big mistake. I feel sorry for them the havoc she will wreak on someone else in the future.
The moral of the story for me, I guess, is that I took the high road. Her behavior was so crazy, that if early on I had called her out, no one would have believed me. She was well-liked. I would have been the one who seemed crazy. I felt like I was on Mars during that period, that she was so well-liked and I was the only one who could see how insane and evil she was......
But I just kept my nose to the grindstone, and the patho's true colors eventually showed. to everyone. Then I ended up smelling like a rose.
If you find yourself in this same situation, keep this story in mind.
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Tuesday 12 October
By Wilde
I know a pathological liar. I first met her and she was cute so we started hooking up, I thought she had quite a interesting backround since she said she was hooked on drugs back when she lived in brazil, wittenessed one of her best friends die from LSD and that her parents were really abusive of her. She made losing her best friend seem like the biggest tragedy of her life. But later I found out that was a lie because she had forgotten that she had told me that and all about her best friend. I also met her parents, who were strict but quite reasonable and nice. She always said they attacked her and beat her, but she never had any bruises or wounds and her sister claimed that her parents were fine. She also made up a bunch of people and said they were her ex's, usually people who looked like models from the pictures she showed me. Almost every other month she was telling me that there was a new person that was "in love with her" and that she didn't want to hurt them.
Of course I figuered out she was a liar about two weeks after meeting her, but I usually just humored her anyway because I felt a bit bad for her. One of my friends eventually called her out on a obvious lie and she just denied it really poorly. We didn't talk for almost a year at one point, then all of the sudden today she started talking to me again. And she was telling me about how she tried to kill herself serival times but her friend who was in love with her, saved her.
That's when I decided to look up pathological liars :p
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Thursday 21 October
By patrick kelso
me x pl lies about jobs friends being hitmen, sexual abuse,bad childhood. she lies on her friends about having hepies my god. she lies about being a singer, she lies about being divorsed. oh its allways my fault on every fight. now she is preggo and says its mine i dont think its mine. i think she has many idenity disorders. someone please help me out on this please. i know the best thing is too get the hell out.
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Monday 01 November
By ---anon
Being a pathological liar is the loneliest feeling in the world. I can go for days, weeks, even months thinking everything is fine and conning myself into believing my behaviour is normal but once in a while, I'll just sit back and wonder how I got myself into this mess. Almost all of my lies nowadays are to cover up lies I've made in the past. There is always a fear at the back of my mind that I'll be found out, no matter what I'm doing. So, years upon years of stress that has no end in sight.
I lie to my friends, family, strangers. There is literally nobody in my life who knows who I am. I'd give anything in the world to rewind and start fresh. It's true to say that "The truth will set you free" but who I am has mostly been decided by what I think other people would like me to be, that I don't even feel like I have a true identity any more. I'm 20 years old, I've never committed any crimes and I care deeply for the people around me but I actually feel worse than if I'd killed somebody. I feel worthless, have constant guilt and have to put on a happy facade 24/7. If you were to ask anybody who knows me, they'd all describe me as 'carefree and positive' but that couldn't be further from the truth. I can never give myself fully to any relationship so I don't think I'll ever have a successful marriage or a happy life.
I can't speak for everybody that lies but I want to apologise to every body who has been hurt by people like me. None of my lies have ever intended to hurt anybody and as much as everybody here who has been victimized by a pathological liar is feeling angry/hurt, I can assure you, nobody feels more pain than us. We are deeply anxious individuals who are constantly chasing an unattainable idealized persona because we are too ashamed to be 'ourselves'.
I had some trauma growing up. My mother lies about everything as well, my dad wasn't around, my siblings are mentally unwell/suicidal, we're poor but I was sent to a school with privileged children, which made me ashamed of who I was even moreso...and so the lies escalated. However, I'm not going to blame anybody but myself for my behaviour because it's always a choice.
This is the first time I can remember that I've told the whole truth and in all honesty, if I could snap my fingers and never be born, I would do so in a heartbeat. I'm not going to kill myself because despite all of this, I have some level of hope that I'll one day be able to stop.
I wish I believed in God so that you could pray for me.
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Wednesday 27 April
By Aim
I have a friend who is a pathological liar. She lies about the most mundane things! One day she brought me some muffins her daughter "baked", they were actually from our local grocery store. She had me convinced at the beginning of our friendship that she could read minds, yea, I'm a bit gullible. I told her I'm learning how to sew and she tells me she is an expert seamstress, she said her aunt used to be Selena's (the singer) seamstress and her aunt taught her how to sew. The next day she asked me if I could hem some pants for her, lol.
She turns every conversation into some story about herself. I've learned to tune her out but it uses up all of my energy to even say hi to her!
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Saturday 01 October
By Shelly
After reading these posts, its appears that pathological liars are more common that I had thought. My fiance' was killed in a car accident last Friday morning. After talking with trooper, I had believed the accident was incidental...I was sooooooooooo very wrong. Over the past week, the stories have unfolded and his life unraveled in front of my eyes to come to realize the true horror of what he was. He was out partying all last thurs night, picked up some strange from the bar and went back to her place. Partied some more until the wee hours of the morning. Left her place, lost control of his truck and rolled it. He was pronounced dead on the scene. I felt like such a moron for 3 days after I found out the truth about the accident from his friend because I sat here and grieved for his death. I'm grateful now that no one was hurt or killed. I truly believe this was all meant to be. We had recently relocated to Austin Texas, to start a new life together. Over the period of this past week, I found out he had multiple women, families, etc across the southern US that he was supporting. He was such a good liar. The tendencies of pathological liars is so true in his case. The vindicative behavior, defensiveness, deflection of blame, manipulative, no loyalty, lying for sympathy and he was definitely a legend in his own mind. Over the years of his life, he had lived this same scenario over and over again and I don't know if he really ever knew what the truth was. I guess I've known all along what he was and I chose to ignore my gutt instincts. Luckily things are working out and I'm returning to my home in NC to start my life over again. The only real words of advice to women out there, trust your instincts about people. If something doesn't feel right, then it's likely that it's not.
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Wednesday 19 October
By heather dawn
So, here is my encounter that started off as a fast paced friendship that became intense a little too quickly, which was my first red flag. This girl who we will call D. told me several lies that were blatant and I was gullible enough to believe them all until we were no longer friends and I looked back on it. Here is the list:
-I was a boxer
-I am a physical trainer( she is overweight and only has lay knowledge of fitness)
-Paramedic( Not licensed and I know because I checked; it's public knowledge anyone can look up)
-Her brother is an astro- physicist( after I asked her a math question I needed help with)
-Her other brother is a biologist (told me that after I told her an interesting fact I learned about mud dobbers)
-Told me she left the coast guard to take care of her father who has dementia( I met her dad and he was calculating finances on the computer; being that I am a nurse I knew he was too functional to have frequent bouts of delirium or dementia.)
-She is related to Dog The Bounty Hunter
And the lies kept coming, but the sad thing is that all those things could be possible and it is really hard to disprove that they are not true so I never confronted her. The last straw was when we were out with my other friend and her fiance. Well, D decides she is going to flirt with the fiance, and I see all of it and hear all of it, but when we get to the car she proclaims he made her feel very uncomfortable because he was hitting on her. At that point it all started to make sense. She lived in D. land not the real world and had no consideration for reality. Has anyone encountered someone similiar?
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Tuesday 01 November
By Luke
I have a sister who is 5 years older than me she is a pathological liar. This is really tuff on me being the YOUNGER Brother, Ive had to deal with it for my whole LIFE. THe worst part about it is she focuses SOME of her lies about me and spreads them to my family members. Ive had to deal with this for a long time now and its really hard. I'm a very peaceful, Loving Nice human being and I don't deserve to be treated like this. It's very VERY VERY hard to deal with. THe best advise TO anybody dealing with this same problem - Ignore the person. DON't speak to them. if your situation is anything like mine A Life time couldn't be long enough. This is crazy, I didn't think I would ever find out what was wrong with my 27 year old sister until I google'd 'pathological liar'
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Tuesday 06 December
By Unsure
Hi All I am very confused, and hoping someone can help me . I was going out with a man who is amazing , loves and hugs and all the affection i could need . But lie he has done enough for 3 life time , who he has met , where he has been, his lies are now huge since he has gone back to his ex(who is 22yrs older than him , she is 74) Now he is earning money and going out ,saw a house , saw inside , I called the agent , it was never repossed , is double the price is told me .
He has made me feel totally stupid , I knew this man lies , all the time , i thought if I loved him like he loved me , he would stop! This man makes my heart stop, He left me , and am alone , should I hope , or move on ! Is he a pathological liar
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