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With his Texan good looks and a smokin' upper body, we'd always assumed Matthew McConaughey could show a girl a good time, if you catch our drift. We at least thought he could find his way around a lady's nether regions.

But nay. In an interview with Elle magazine, Matthew cops to being as confused as a groundhog with a peanut butter jar stuck on its head. Some of his more outrageous admissions? He used to think -- prepare yourself -- vaginas were horizontal. (Is this what they teach in abstinence-only sex ed?) He goes on to expound the virtue of black women who, y'know, all love to wear tight clothes.

"She might be a larger package, but boy, she sure understands how she's wrapped," drawled Mac. Creepy! Finally, he claims that he's attracted to every member of the opposite sex. (That means you, Whoopi! And you, Grandma McConaughey!)

Matthew. Please. Sit down. Shut up. And maybe take off your shirt.

TMI: Outrageous Celeb Sex Quotes

    "You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives; shit happens..." Angelina Jolie, of course.

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    "I don't believe in premarital sex...There were some [past girlfriends] who pushed for sex, and sometimes they won. Afterward, I would feel unclean...So I would have to let them go because they didn't help me to be a stronger person." Terrence Howard

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    "When I have sex with my husband these days, I fantasize I am with someone like Keith Urban or a petite, hot young woman." Dolly Parton

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    "I have f***ed George Clooney...I'm probably the only one of many actresses to stand up here and admit yes, I have f***ed George Clooney. I'm very proud of it...If you don't have chemistry with George Clooney, you need to check your pulse." Ellen Barkin, who co-starred with Clooney in "Oceans Eleven."

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    "I had sex in the bathroom at the opera a little while ago, in New York. ...[W]e decided to go to the bathroom, and we got caught, and it was embarrassing. If we'd gone to the men's room, people would've heard it and said, 'Good on you, man.' But we were in the ladies' room, and when we heard an old woman start to tinkle, we couldn't help but crack up." Strokes drummer and former beau of Drew Barrymore Fabrizio Moretti

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    "Yeah, I wear it sometimes. You gotta keep your life spiced up. Storm never has sex in the movies - but Storm has a lotta sex at my house." Halle Berry fessing up that she does indeed don her racy suit at home for partner Gabriel Aubry.

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    "I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City and he came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, 'wow.' And I pretty much saw everything. The whole package." Heidi Klum, telling Oprah about when she met Seal.

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    "Yes, Hef's sleeping with them all...I've actually walked in on him. ...There's baby oil, there's toys flying every which way, there's all these girls naked. It was like watching a movie. I was standing in the doorway just looking -- for a really long time." Pam Anderson talking about what goes on at the mansion.

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    "I'm way more open, and I know that probably sounds crazy. But he's taken me places I haven't been before. I love stripping too because I know he loves it," Janet Jackson talking about boyfriend Jermaine Dupri.

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    "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." Joan Rivers, revealing two things we never wanted to think about: Joan Rivers having sex and Joan Rivers trying someone up.

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