Regina Weinreich: If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother: At the…
8 Ways To Celebrate Valentine's Day Without Going Broke
Sure, if life was a chick flick, then we'd all be skipping to the mall arm-in-arm with Drew Barrymore. Luckily, it's not, but a new study suggests that female relationships are far more complicated than say, men's. And if that's not surprising, consider this: One screw-up could send you to the chopping block. "Traditional views hold that women are more socially cooperative than men, but researchers from the Université du Québec à Montréal, Harvard University and Emmanuel College in Boston found female same-sex friendships are significantly less tolerant, more volatile and likelier to degrade based on a single negative incident than male same-sex friendships."
Having been put off more than once by an insensitive or passive-aggressive comment from a female friend, we believe women have trouble overlooking girlfriends' mistakes. Has a friend ever done something that you couldn't forgive?
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Tuesday 14 April
By Melissa
I "broke up" with a friend when she told me not only that she didn't like my husband, but didn't approve of our relationship. I haven't spoken to her since, despite efforts on her part and the part of our mutual friends to intervene.
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Tuesday 14 April
By emilymccombs08
I get turned off on a new friendship pretty easily, unfortunately. Why are we so critical of our female friends? The first time she's late or says something that hurts my feelings, it's hard for me to feel the same way about her.
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Tuesday 14 April
By Annie
I have a really hard time making friends with women. I'm always very kind and openminded with people, and I approach friendships much the way that men do. I make friends to make friends, not to get something out of it. But women are very difficult to be friends with. I much prefer the company of men, but now that I'm married I can't have that. It's unfortunate because I have NEVER had a close guy friend talk trash behind my back and I have NEVER had a guy friend use me for various things (guys use women as a rule, but they won't if they're truly your friend). I treat my friends very well and I have never once pretended to be someone's friend just to get closer to their boyfriend or to try to appear like I'm higher on the social ladder than I actually am.
But to answer the question, no not all women are overcritical. I'm certainly not. But women generally are petty and fickle and terrible friends. Most of my girl friends disappeared the moment I got married. I don't know why, but it was very depressing. I've got two or threeamazing girl friends left that don't care that they're single and I'm not, which is nice. I've put up with a lot of crap from girls, but I tolerate it and I let them treat me poorly (although I kill myself in efforts to be a good friend to them) because a good female friend is hard to find. It's my own fault I suppose.
I have had only one huge fallout with a best friend and it was only because she made up lies about me (for who knows what reason) and tried to convince my husband (bf at the time) to break up with me. She even went so far as to fake a rape once and I knew it. Regardless, I went to the hospital and was there for her because I loved her as a person and a friend, not a commodity. I eventually realized that I needed people around who would treat me with at least a little bit of care and respect so I "broke up" with her so to speak and my life's been much better since.
Obviously this topic is a sore spot for me. I have had very few good experiences with women and I thought it was something that I was doing, but now I know that I was too easy on them and let them into my lives so that they could hurt me. I'll stick to relatives from now on.
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Thursday 16 April
By Dener
Oh yeah I've met females who do things to try obviously to get more attention, or control over themselves.. or other people....... it's pretty silly, and that's why I think most guys don't fall for it. These types of people make for a very empty and meaningless existance and also make things seem to be quite boring on our side of the planet.
I'd prefer to just cut out annoying friends from my life than to put up with their nonsense; it sounds cowardly, but if I expect way more out of myself than others how can I ever have a satisfying friendship? I guess I'm just not as good at sizing it down like that. So anyways, my suggestion to you catty females: figure your own self out and make life a living journey not a painful one.... No one wants your second rate opinions and lack of compassion in their lives. ..Seriously; grrrrrrrrow up, and don't betray your friends.
Thursday 16 April
By taya
i had to call it kaputz with my gf 'cause her vagina could comfortably accommodate a pineapple and she was INCESSANTLY prodding me to "hook up" when she knows that AIN'T my thing. a b*&^$ don't wanna respect you or your morals or standards, then cut her off! be strict with people, they'll screw you over without a second thought, trust your gut.
remember; don't waste my time, and i won't waste your.
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Tuesday 21 April
By Julie
I "broke up" with my friend of ten years because of an insane selfish streak she was (and may still be) having. This person hid (only from me) the fact that she got back together with an ex boyfriend. I had to find out from other people we knew that she had been hiding this fact for over a year. She then decided it was okay to obsess about him to me... even 2 years after the relationship had been over.
Thngs got progressively worse. At some point I made the mistake of telling her to take some time to be selfish and think of herself for a change. By this I meant not doing quite so many favors for other people and managing her time more wisely. She took that to mean it's okay to act like a brat. For instance, she held a jewelry party where I purchased an item for another friend's graduation. She knew this gift was especially important for sentimental reasons and also because its intended recipient was leaving the country after graduation. As the graduation date approached, a month later, I started asking her where the stuff was only to have her tell me several times that it wasn't in yet. Finally I had to call the company's representative who then told me she only finalized the order a few days ago. It was obvious that she purposely did not tell me this. When I confronted her she felt she had done nothing wrong because she had been SO busy, refused to apologize, and even went as far as implying that her life was somehow better than mine because I make time to think things like that through.
What's more, when a crush of hers hit on me I made sure to tell her because I would rather she found out from me first. He then proceeded to make up some story about how I "misunderstood" him even though that clearly wasn't the case. She chose to "over look" it (read: take his side) so that she could continue seeing him.
When it came time to celebrate my birthday I scheduled my dinner a week later specifically so that she could be there. She showed up for dinner only and skipped the drinks after citing that she was so tired and busy. But when it was her birthday she wanted me to celebrate the whole weekend. To top it off she shares the same birthday with her mother. She invited her half sister to her birthday dinner knowing how her mother hated her father and the other family he left her for. Not wanting to cause conflict, she did not uninvite her half sister thus causing her mother (the woman that raised her alone) to stay home on her and her daughter's birthday. This last thing really opened my eyes to the depth of her selfishness and ability to be so inconsiderate. I decided I cannot tolerate someone who would hurt their own mother that way.
We haven't talked in months.
I can forgive individual offenses when apologies are sincere but I can't forgive a complete change of character. So to answer you Lemondrop, yes women's relationships are way more complicated than men's and yes I believe women are less likely to forgive.
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Wednesday 22 April
By Kathleen
I have found that I can have female friends. If people are toxic and unhealthy for me I need to drop them.