We always expect so much of spring break: a tropical locale, perfect weather, hot guys. At the same time, we expect our bodies to handle drinking alcohol from 7:00 a.m. until, well, sometime in April.

But it doesn't always happen that way. We forget to pack sunscreen (or at least forget to apply it). The fourteenth margarita doesn't go down so smoothly. The hotel sucks. Our boyfriends suck. Fun in the sun spirals downward into humiliation in the humidity.

That's why we've collected a few stories from some ladies who have seen the dark side of spring break and lived to tell the tale. Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Read, learn, enjoy, commiserate, and feel free to tell us your own stories in the comments. The healing is in the sharing.

Spring Break Nightmares

    I gave my first BJ on a beach over spring break after losing a wet t-shirt contest. I thought that meant that the guy and I were in love but then he ignored me the rest of the trip. - Jenny

    Flickr, okinawasoba

    My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks before our spring break trip to the Bahamas, but we decided to take the vacation anyway. I mean, it was $500 for 5 night all inclusive vacation! When we arrived, we found the sign for Apple Tours and that's when it started. Everyone asked us what my boyfriend and I wanted to do that week: scuba dive, snorkel, booze cruise? I kept repeating very loudly, "He's not boyfriend, we broke up!" We spent most of our days away from the other kids that were getting drunk and making out. We went to one very date-rapey Spring Break bar the second night we were there. I told him that we should both go look for people to make out with. I ended up talking to a 40 year old British guy who lived there all year long. Can anyone say, "To Catch a Predator"? He said he would take me out fishing on his boat. Translation I will rape you and then dump your body in the Caribbean Sea. My ex-boyfriend found me after not wanting to talk to anyone at the party and we ended up just going back to our hotel. That evening I came down with mono and spent the next three days of our trip sleeping roughly 18 hours a day and taking Advil every 8 hours to deal with my sore throat. We we got home we decided it was best not to see each other for awhile. - Maggie

    Flickr, scmikeburton

    My long distance boyfriend and I both happened to be going to Panama City on Spring Break with our friends and I was thrilled. For weeks beforehand, we talked on the phone about how much fun we were going to have, finally getting to spend time together, making out on the beach, etc. But when I got there he ducked me the whole time. Finally, I ran into him at the Miracle Strip amusement park and decided it would be a good idea to confront him while riding one of those spinning, vomit-inducing rides called Dante's Inferno. He broke up with me right then and there because I wasn't giving him enough space. And the best part of it was, the ride operator was blasting Total Eclipse of the Heart over the sound system the entire time. I spent the rest of the trip crying in the bathroom. - Carol


    I went to visit my friends at Ithaca College over Spring Break and had to share a room with two of them who were dating. We got high and I drifted off to sleep listening to them have sex in the next bed. - Libby

    Flickr, maxsparber

    I am and redheaded lady and VERY fair, as in, the movie "Powder" fair. So our trip to San Felipe, Mexico for Spring Break had me packing lots and lots of cover ups, sun visors and sunscreen in my suitcase along with bikinis and various Janet Jackson-heavy mix-tapes (it was, after all, the early 90s).
    Unfortunately, this was the dawn of the "organic: skin care boom and I chose to try and help the earth-and my skin- by selecting a bunch of eco-friendly 30 SPF sunscreen. "PABA Free!!!", screamed the packaging, and I was GOD DAMNED if I was going to have PABA anywhere NEAR my Earth Mother ass. I slathered on my potions, feeling smug and superior to the rest of the gals who were smearing mineral-oil infused Coppertone on their nublie bodies. In my mind, I rebuked them for using a product composed mostly of petro-chimicals as I swilled yet another margarita on my beach blanket at oh, say 10 AM. The sun felt GREAT and I dozed off, only to wake up who knows how many hours later, feeling ready for a night of more margaritas and perchance, slobbery necking on the dancefloor.
    This elation was short lived when I got back to my hotel room and realized I'd made a crucial error in 2 ways. Mistake one: putting on sunscreen after a breakfast of alcohol had not gone so well. I had not made the most efficient choices in applicaiton and, as a result, had large splotches of horribly sunburned skin ALL OVER. Mistake two: my angelic, gentle sunscreen was, upon inspection, not only too wimpy to truly guard my pale ass against the harsh Mexico elements, but was EXPIRED! The fashion trend at this time as cropped tops with a lot-and I mean, ALOT- of stomach showing out of one's denim skort, so there was no way in hell I could do damage control to cover my pink-zebra look. I grimly did 7 shots and tried to soldier thru, but my lack of a dance/makeout partner in a club where a pile of garbage could have gotten an engagement proposal was too telling to drink away.
    I recently unearthed the scrapbook of those Spring Break photos- and there I am, smiling bravely in what is basically the eqivalent, coverage-wise, of a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader outfit, alternately snow-white & Pepto-Bismol colored skin on full display, looking like someone with a terrible genetic disorder, clutching a watermelon margarita with all my might. I will tell you, however, that even this candy cane disaster managed to get some action that night- from a guy who was at least 3" shorter than me. I think he was at about boob level, so luckily, that distracted him from the rest of the peppermint nightmare that was me. Total disaster! - Beverly

    Flickr, shygantic

    i went to Montreal with a big group of people and we got a hotel room with a balcony. My boyfriend got totally ripped and went out on the balcony with sparklers, singing "The Marseillase" at around 3:00 am. Then he started throwing bottles at SUVs (because they're bad for the environment). The night desk guy didn't speak English, and i was the only one who spoke any French at all (and I speak like, Baby Einstein French), so I had to spend about an hour convincing the guy not to charge us extra or kick us out. They told us the next day to "Please, not come back." - Anne

    Flickr, benharrisroxas

    I was with my boyfriend at a nightclub called LaBoom in Cancun (first mistake, Cancun; second mistake, going to a nightclub called LaBoom). At a certain point, I thought it would be a good idea to make out with this hot girl we met. Unfortunately, this boyfriend didn't find my making out with a girl so appealing and he proceeded to find his own hot girl with whom to swap spit. He deserted me at LaBoom and stumbled in sometime around 4:00 am. Needless to say we broke up the next day. - Dana

    Flickr, abek

    My friends and I were hanging out on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica, and at around 6 p.m. a guy comes up to us and starts talking...said he was from Boston College and invited us to a 'Happy Hour'. We all agreed to go and he proceeded to take us into the forest where we walked and walked and walked down a dirt road. Finally, we got to this area where there were locals selling various goods on mats (i.e. voodoo dolls, handmade bowls and pipes, etc). We turned around and the dude was gone. We were scared, so we started picking stuff up and looking at it, pretending we were interested. The vendors started yelling at us to "buy!" and finally we just ran (my roommate helped herself to a bowl...and not a kitchen one). One man - and his wife - started chasing us with a giant knife as we ran screaming back to civilization. I have no idea how we made it out, but we did. - Kelly

    Flickr, vgm8383

    On Spring Break in Key West, my BFF and I ended up at some random guy's house, at which point she proceeded to projectile vomit all over me. I cleaned her - and me - up, and she passed out on the couch. The guy and I chatted more and it quickly became apparent that all he wanted to do was snort coke and hook up with me, neither of which I was interested in. I quickly got out of there, only to realize that I had forgotten my vomiting friend and had to go back to get her. - Jennifer

    Flickr, insecuritywatch

    I met a guy in the Bahamas on Spring Break and he asked me to hang out with him on Saturday. When I met up with him, he said that he had a surprise. That surprise: co-ed bungee jumping. I liked him so I went along with it but they strapped up together and we jumped off a bungee cord hooked onto a wobbly crane over a parking lot. Needless to say, it didn't work out between us. Oh, and he's a doctor now. - Kate

    Flickr, jcsuperstar60

spring breakDon't know what to do with your week off? The Frisky has a quick list of six classic spring break plans. It's not too late to pack the car full of friends and junk food and hit the road.