Last week "Good Morning America" ran a shocking exposé on a Web site that (gasp!) helps marrieds have affairs. It turns out more and more women are "real-life desperate housewives," and are turning to AshleyMadison.com to find a fling.
Many are up in arms over the site, saying it'll be impossible for marriage to survive something so eagerly encouraging us to seek out a sidepiece. And some networks, including ESPN, have refused to air the ads.
But before you go and log your significant other off the computer, consider why this site may not be that big of a deal.
Not the First
Ashley Madison, which has 3 million profiles (72 percent male, 28 percent female), isn't the first Web site to help people cheat. Sites like MarriedDateClub.com and LonelyCheatingWives.com have already tapped into the "married but looking" market. So in essence, Ashley Madison is catering to a population of people that would have found other ways to cheat anyway. The site's mere existence isn't necessarily going to create more cheaters.
Her Cheatin' Heart
Take Catherine, 39, who says she joined Ashley Madison because her husband stopped putting in effort:
"I used to say that I'd never cheat. I was so wrong because anyone can experience a bad relationship and change their views. My husband didn't work to keep me and gave up on us. Through this process, I learned that change for me is a good thing, and that everything happens for a reason."
Susan, 46, says she uses the site because her sex life became nonexistent:
"My marriage had been celibate for the past eight years and I decided before I got a divorce, I wanted to find someone in a similar situation so I could try something more transitional. Even though the person I met wasn't right long-term, it served its purpose."
Women Strike Back
If you're scared your partner might peruse Ashley Madison, Stephany Alexander has the site for you. She created WomanSavers.com to expose cheating, sleazy dudes around the world. More than half of members say they've caught their significant other cheating.
"Married/committed cheating people seem to seek other like-minded committed people to give themselves a sense of added security in an inherently insecure position," Alexander told Lemondrop. "Their preference to cheat within their own camp is based on assumptions about people with spouses: They will not demand too much of the other person's time; they will be less invested in the relationship since they already have one; they are more understanding about a last-minute cancellation because the husband or wife is sick and the kids need to go to soccer practice."
She suggests making sure your partner isn't frequenting cheating sites by checking his computer history. But other experts say spying won't keep someone from being unfaithful. Whether or not sites like Ashley Madison exist, communication and trust are probably your best bets for keeping your sweetie from cheating.
Tell us: Do you think Ashley Madison will lead to more affairs? Would you ever consider using a site like this yourself?
Comments:
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Wednesday 25 March
By HeatherW
This makes me sick. If you are so unhappy, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. Do't become a worthless sack of sh!t by cheating. Cheaters are about as worthless as a person can be. I don't give a good goddamn what you have accomplished in your life. If you will screw around on someone who promised to spend the rest of their life with YOU, then you can't be trusted in any other asspect of your life so you may as well be tossed in a dumpster somewhere and left to rot.
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Wednesday 25 March
By HeatherW
This makes me sick. If you are so unhappy, GET OUT OF THE
RELATIONSHIP. Don't become a worthless sack of sh!t by cheating.
Cheaters are about as worthless as a person can be. I don't give a
good goddamn what you have accomplished in your life. If you will
screw around on someone who promised to spend the rest of their life
with YOU, then you can't be trusted in any other asspect of your
life so you may as well be tossed in a dumpster somewhere and left to
rot.
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Sunday 05 April
By charlene
ukk... this makes me sick and mad!!!! if your married but wanna mess around with someone else than your marriage is not good and should be addressed first and formost. cheating is a hurtful thing to do to someone !! dont do it
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Monday 06 April
By Russ
I put up with a cheater for 18 years, because we had children together. It is a gift that keeps on giving, the sscars never heal. Cheaters are scum, I would rather be alone than be with another unfaithful woman!
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Saturday 11 April
By Rachel
It's no wonder we have an epidemic of sex addiction, and it pains me to see that so many people would justify their actions by pointing out their spouses faults. I was engaged to a sex addict who had many affairs and in the past eight months we have worked hard to overcome this reality and save our relationship. Every week I sit in a room with other women who have experienced the same betrayal and heartache and we've all found the same answer....we aren't to blame for our spouses infidelity. I heard all the excuses from my mate, I didn't give him enough, I didn't show him he was loved, I gave up on us. But the truth is that he used sex as a way to validate himself (guess what folks...turns out you won't die if you don't get laid) and since we've come to this conclusion we've been able address any problems that our relationship might have had without the skew of 'the grass is greener' mentality. Sadly we are a love'em and leave'em society and it doesn't matter what our spouse has done seeking out an affair is a failure on the cheaters part. At every wedding the bride and groom pledge to love in good times and in bad. Unfortunately what they mean is 'I pledge to show you love as long as you show me what I consider love in good times and in better.' Cheating isn't an ok thing. And it's degrading to the person doing it just as much as it is to the cheated on....search your heart, seek counseling and come clean.
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Monday 27 April
By Debz
If you are going to use Ashley Madison to have an affair, make sure to search google for "affair tips" first so you can have an affair and not get caught!
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Wednesday 20 May
By Brendan
What's the big deal? Western culture's obsession with monogamy is the broken model here. "Sex addiction" nothing, sex is a perfectly natural (and extremely pleasurable) activity that has layers of stigma attached to it by a church that wants to guilt you into turning off from sex and channeling that energy elsewhere (or at least, those are the roots of Western culture's silly fear of sex). Being with one person, only one person, forever is a ridiculous model. You will get sick of them. This site is just full of people who are more honest with themselves than others.
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Wednesday 11 November
By Gooey Rabinski
Yes. This is an honest comment. Thank you.
Tuesday 26 May
By nikko
i tried ashleymadison.com and within one day i had 2 women contact me and all i had on my profile was a photo, of course the only way to contact them was to pay MONEY which is total BS..no woman is that desperate and ashleymadison is simply a scam, what a joke...
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Friday 17 July
By Lpurrr
First off, note to Brendan: If you are married and are unable to commit to the vows that you have taken, then don't take them in the first place!! However demented, there are some people out there like you that share your views, but it is wrong to mislead your partner into thinking that you will be faithful and monogamous when your not capable of it. BE upfront and don't be a p#$%^. Be honest with your partner from the beginning - if you feel that monogamy is impossible then he/she has a right to know! Cowards like you disgust me.
As for Ashley Madison - absolutely APALLING. They take ZERO responsibility for their blatant disregard for marriage and are proud to facilitate its demise. They should be ashamed of themselves from attempting to plant the seed in one's head to cheat with their marketing antics and aiming to get people thinking that this kind of deceptive behavior is okay! And to cash in on it makes it even more nauseating. They should change their slogan to: Contributing to the demise of the family unit one day at a time. Note to owner: I hope your business AND your marriage fails miserably with you being on the receiving end of infidelity.
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Saturday 25 July
By dc135
Ashley Madison is a scam. I don't even think many of the members are real. The responses sent to you have all the trade marks of being automatically generated with the sole purpose of getting you to send a response which you have to pay for. Then you never hear from them again.
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Friday 02 October
By Lhh
Lpurr:
"Be honest with your partner from the beginning - if you feel that monogamy is impossible then he/she has a right to know! Cowards like you disgust me."
Gimme a break! How many people would be willing to have a relationship or marriage with someone who would say that? Not being honest about not wanting to be monogamous isn't being a "coward"--it's having common sense!
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Tuesday 26 January
By Jen
I just want to add, that I found my husband cheating on this website and it destroyed a 12 year marriage built on a promise that we would love each other and be each others best friend throught thick and thin. We survived me being raped by a in home invasion, we survived his little brother death and 5 day hospitalization. I prepared his my brother-in laws funeral and held my husband when he wanted to fall in despair. So it goes to show you, know matter what you endure together if your marriage has no moral background and one of the two of you loses his way. Ashley Madison will destroy whatever is left of it. I am left still loving my husband, but feeling sorry for him because he felt such an emptiness inside him he needed to create some sort of fairytale sex land. This was no fairytale, it was real. Real as a doctor doing an exam on your privates for STDs and real as the needle that stuck me when I wen to to get an AIDS test. Please make no excuse for why he cheated just understand, that you are worthy of better life, and life is" TOO SHORT TO DIE"
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Friday 26 February
By Zero
Most of the negative comments here are from women and church boys. Men can really only remain faithful if they have a commitment to a higher power. I think this site is great for those of us with diluted religious convictions and are tired of sleeping with the same partner, but aren't prepared to go through the hassle of divorce. Don't blame Ashley Madison, blame your own fears and insecurities, if your partner makes you insecure then maybe you are lying to yourself staying with 'em.
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