A lot happened at Paris's Fall Fashion Week, but we only remember seeing one thing: lips. Lips that may have been painted by monkeys.

We couldn't deal with McQueen's ultra-exaggerated messy-mouth, and instead decided to road-test another one of the stranger looks shown on Paris runways: two-tone lips, spotted at the Ungaro show. The trick here: Each lip gets its own shade.

Ungaro makeup artist Tom Pecheux picked red for the upper lip and bright fuchsia for the lower. Because of my fatter lower lip (thanks, genetic lottery!), going dark on top turned me into Monty Burns from the Simpsons, so I flipped the picks. I'm sure Tom doesn't mind. I used Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On lip pencils so the colors wouldn't smudge into one another.

Once I was two-tone lipstick'd, I trotted out my front door expecting one of two reactions. For those who greeted me with a "Look at you with your fancy au courant Paris pout!" I'd thank them graciously, then swan off in a cloud of feminine charm and Chanel No 5. For those who snarked, I'd silence them with my own icy version of Blue Steel.

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The response I actually got: [Insert sound of crickets chirping.]

Sure, I got the occasional odd stare and double take. I even got one non-committal "Nice" from a supermarket checkout girl I hoped was a reference to my lips, but now that I think of it, might have been a reference to the toilet-paper-size wad of coupons I handed her. I had multiple lipsticks happening right in the middle of my face, people! Where were the uninvited comments, sneers and approving glances? Color my top lip surprised and my bottom lip disappointed.

To be honest, I've had cardigans that garnered more attention than this lip look. Which begs the question: What does it take (besides safety-orange eyeshadow, that is) to really turn heads these days?

Jenny Muller is a beauty writer living in San Francisco, Calif.