Lemondrop

While a guy's best friend doesn't necessarily have to sign off on all romantic decisions, your best interest is getting on his good side, rather than alienating him, aggravating him or trying to use his pal-to-pal relationship to your advantage.

If you're cool, you'll gain a valuable ally in forging a bond with your man. If not, your presence will become more irritating than photos of girls on Facebook making the "kissy face" at the camera. So, steer clear of these surefire gear grinders, and you won't have to worry about getting ruined during the best-man toast.

10. "Why is he being so difficult?"
He's not being difficult, he's being a guy. Having nonstop emotional conversations regarding every aspect of our feelings isn't always part of the deal.

9."I think I might be ready to call it quits with him."
Our loyalty is to him, not you. So, despite our amicable relationship, know that we're going to do whatever we can to protect him. If you're gonna FedEx his heart into the crapper, let us be there to sign for it and comfort him, rather than help you wrap the package.

8."Your best friend is great in bed!"
That's gross. Although, it's good to know that all those times we caught him feeding the geese clearly paid off.

7."How do I get him to open up more?"
You don't. You make it obvious that you're interested in listening to him whenever he decides to talk, rather than pushing him to express his feelings only when it suits your need to know.

6."Does he talk about me?"
He does. Then we tell him to stop.

Click here to read the top five no-nos.

5."Get ready to see a lot of me around here!"
Either your confidence in the relationship is obnoxiously colossal, or you've hung a poster of yourself in the living room. Both are warning signs -- and not the good kind.

4."What's his ex like?"
This is a question that's not possible to answer to your liking. Though ya know, it's funny -- she always said the wrong things around us.

3."What should I get him for his birthday?"
This is something that ultimately you're gonna need to figure out yourself. Trust us, it'll mean more to him. But, since you're askin', the latest Madden for PS3 was definitely on our ... er ... his wish list.

2."We need to find you a girl!"
And we need to find you a book on butting the eff out. We appreciate the sentiment, but our loneliness is our turf, and you're wearing the wrong colors. And don't camouflage your motive by saying ...

1. "I have this friend."
Yeah, we had one of those too -- until you came along.

Matt Christensen has written for Maxim, Cosmopolitan and Match.com. His best friend is Jack Daniel's.