When a woman scans her place to get rid of embarrassing stuff, she usually first goes for items involving grooming or personal hygiene. But truth be told, most guys barely know what these things look like. Here are 10 common items that he will recognize and that might send him running for the hills.(Guys can click here to find out what women don't want to see in their rooms.)
Stuff Guys Never Want to Find in Your room
10. Reality TV on DVD
This signals to men that if we date this girl, we will have to spend endless hours watching crappy television. Hey, we all love "Rock of Love," but it isn't at the forefront of our DVD collection. If you do happen to get caught with the boxset for "The Real Housewives of Orange County" you can disarm its negative effect by earnestly swear to baby Jesus that you will never make him watch it with you unless he has a fresh sandwich in hand and is getting blown. Or you can just place it behind another movie.
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9. More than one stuffed animal
One stuffed animal means a lady nurtures her inner child, more than that indicates she is in arrested development. Imagine for a second sweet, sweet love makin' reflected in the glass eyes of dozens of Teddy Bears or collector dolls. It sounds like an X-rated episode of the "Twilight Zone."
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8. Fat Free Potato Chips
Two words, "anal leakage." Sometimes you've just got to just suck it up and open a bag of delicious, fatty potato chips. But seriously, however strict and stringent your diet is, if you don't have at least a few "to hell with the calories I'm going to eat this anyway" foods, it will make you seem uptight and prudish.
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7. Sex for Dummies, etc.
This is a bit misleading, because you would think that seeing a sex guide meant this girl would be down with having some good sex. In reality, this means she's had so much bad sex she has resorted to trying to learn how to do it from a book. If you're looking for a sterile way to explore your sexual fantasies and communicate to your man what you do and don't like, try phone sex. That way if he gets flustered by all the advice, he won't be under any pressure to preform.
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6. Anne Geddes Baby Pictures
Art crap meets biological clock time bomb. Here's a crazy idea, instead of buying a creepy, cliche poster, why don't you stroll on down to your favorite art museum or a local arts fair and pick up something unique. Then figure out something insightful to say about why you like it- it reminds you of when you studied abroad or that time you won a milk drinking contest- this will make you seem much more interesting.
Amazon
5. Condom Wrappers in the trash can
Either she has just had sex with someone else or she hasn't taken out the trash in way too long. Either way, kind of off-putting. Also, lesbians throw away their old dildos when entering a new relationship, you can scrap together $10 and get a new tube of KY. No guy wants to be thinking about who before him was slathering up his member with this stuff in a moment of passion.
Flickr, brandon cirillo
4. Photos with Her Ex
If you have a screensaver set to cycle through your photos, you should probably put the photos of you and your ex in a separate folder. Another lesser faux pas is having hundreds of photos with your friends lined up smiling in a bar. Think of your screensaver as a digital picture frame and select some of your most interesting photos for the slideshow rather than leaving it scrolling endlessly through every photo you've ever taken.
Flickr, itsournorth
3. "Monster" or "Fatal Attraction"
Not commonly found in most women's rooms, but a deal breaker none the less.
Amazon
2. Anything "Twilight" related
It's called a guilty pleasure because you're supposed to be ashamed of it. The same goes for "Harry Potter" and "Eragon." Yeah, those are fun books you can read in a long afternoon, but unless you're a fifth grade teacher, actually especially if you're a fifth grade teacher, you need to have some books for adults mixed in.
Flickr, i heart him
1. The Bible
Nothing says you're not going to have a good time like the good book on the nightstand besides a girl's bed. Especially if you didn't know she was religious. If you are religious, please for God's sake let the dude your dating know ahead of time. The bedroom is no place to find out the girl you're excited about has a thing for Wicca.
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Brian Childs is a genetic male and associate editor at our brother site, Asylum.












Comments:
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Thursday 19 March
By Kitty G.
I'm very amused by this milk contest fetish Mr. Childs seems to have.
Reply
Thursday 19 March
By ah
my boyfriend may have accidentally come across an edward cullen desktop background on my computer. that's all i have to say about that.
Reply
Monday 23 March
By 25or6to4
The trash should be removed from a bedroom daily or often but Id rather see condom wrappers if the trash is high than none. I am not afraid of a promiscuous woman. I myself am very promiscuous.... why cant she be?
Friday 20 March
By Pearl
Seriously, get some help for your insecurities. Maybe the problem is you, not what a woman has in her bedroom or on her bookshelf. Time to dig a little deeper and stop being so petty; you're giving real men a bad name.
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Friday 20 March
By Amanda
Wow, what an excellent article about lying and pretending to be someone else so a boy will like you. Some of these are common sense...pictures of the ex, baaad idea, but others are just ridiculous. If a guy stops liking you for one of your little guilty pleasures then he is an idiot.
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Friday 20 March
By GW
What source generated this? Or was this merely the end result of the digestive process?
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Friday 20 March
By Sienfeld is that you
That's pretty picky and the only thing that would make me think twice about a lady would be the used condoms in the trash can. Pics of X wouldn't mess with me much, unless she dwelt upon it all night. I'll bet Brian has alot of used prophilactics lying around the house. Must be a guy who has alot of one night stands or is way too picky and hardly ever finds a woman that suits him.
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Friday 20 March
By crystal5001
Wow, I so love how they make being religious sound like it's a bad thing. But I agree, your religious background should be brought up beforehand. But you can't blame a girl for having faith in something bigger than herself....
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Saturday 21 March
By hjny
If she has a Bible on the nightstand, you're probably not even going to get into the bedroom to see it.
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Sunday 22 March
By Alice
I most certainly agree! If he sees my bible then a.) Why is in my room to begin with, and b.) We have much more serious issues to talk about!!!!!
Besides, I can't imagine THAT not coming up beforehand!
Sunday 22 March
By Dark Pet Fluffy
well most are stupid but i agree with twilight stuff
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Sunday 22 March
By Kyle
That first picture flat out offended me so much that I didn't even read the rest. Apparently we men don't like girls with... gasp! Good taste in movies!?
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Sunday 22 March
By Elissa
I think most women have come to cope with the dissappointment that is that no man will ever be like Edward Cullen.
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Monday 23 March
By amanda
There may never be a Edward Cullen just like you will never find a Loyd Dobbler but a girl needs to dream!
Sunday 22 March
By matt
Seriously? The Bible? You had BETTER have at LEAST one Bible if I'm going to be going out with you. No sense yoking my soul to an unbeliever who will spend eternity in Hell.
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Sunday 22 March
By Josh
Christianity is bullshit... it was a way to control people years ago and its evolved into something completely different now and this day and age. That goes for MOST religions NOT just Christianity. In fact, the bible doesn't even contain the same text it did when it was first supposedly written... the reason for that? Well, during the medieval times when the larger (poorer) percent of people lived outside on manors it was commonplace for them to complain about the conditions and so the royal families would have the bible changed so that the people would be too afraid to question the way of life they had. What do you think hell is? Its a way to motivate people to have good moral which would in turn allow for a civil society. Theres little to no proof that exclusively proves ANYTHING about Christianity is actually true, and that is also for many other religions. AND.. if you're such a damn believer of Christianity why would you turn down a relationship with someone if they're not Christian? Thats completely Unchristian because people who Christian are supposed to motivate others to join them. Don't give me that faith bs because faith is just a guess thats all it is and although its your choice to be faithful you can't refute that science disproves Christianity completely.
Monday 23 March
By Elle333
Ha!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday 22 March
By Nicolette
Guilty pleasures are a good thing. And the guy that I liked was in my room, and saw all my Twilight posters and accesories and have no problem at all. If a guy can really stop liking you because of that, he needs to grow up.
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Sunday 22 March
By Laura
Wow, these are such stupid articles! I understand it if a guy/girl doesn't like Reality TV but GOODNESS it's HER room! NOT THE GUYS! Let her have whatever DVD she wants in it. If I had a girlfriend who liked that crap I'd just accept it! Also, stuffed animals are fine, who cares? Not like she'll be keeping them forever, most girls keep stuffed animals in their rooms to feel safer. Like a security blanket. Another thing, fat free potato chips. Maybe she likes those, what? Is there some weird new law against eating chips that also happen to be healthier for you? I'd rather my girl ate those than some crappie brand full of grease that will probably give her a double bipass later in life. Another thing, Sex for dummies is something guys LIKE. Baby pics isn't a deal breaker, just kind of scary, maybe she's set on a kid though. It's her choice really. Condom wrappers in the trash are admittedly a deal breaker. Photo's with your ex wont matter if he/she really likes the girl though. Monster and Fatal Attraction are good movies thank you and I'm sure the guy/chick would like to watch them with her. Hell, I want to watch em! We can even throw in She Devil to! Twilight is just a fad, who cares if she likes it. God, it's retarded to reprimand someone because they like a TV show, movie, book, and food selection. You people who make these articles really are stupid.
ANOTHER THING! YOUR ALOUD TO HAVE FREEDOM OF RELIGION! LET THE GIRL HAVE A BIBLE IN HER DAMN BEDROOM! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!
Seriously, whoever is making these articles should just quit now. They suck and their untrue. I could ask any of my friends and they would say the same thing. Dumb asses.
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Monday 23 March
By suzy
I completely disagree with this article. Theres no reason someone cannot have more than one stuffed animal in their room. Also, those movies mentioned are actually good, and obviously the author has failed to be a legit movie cridict. It's unreal that people hide thier true image in order to get someone to like you (and infact that person is liking a false version of you). The guy's critique on their room is horrible. According to the author you are not supposed to like pets. That does not make sense. I really think that it is personal opinion on what people like. Maybe sunset tan tv series is the girl's favorite tv series-why shut that down? A girl cannot be considered uptight and prudish if you have lowfat chips. These two do not cooralate. This article is so messed up and false. A book that guides girls on how to have sex would be (you would think) beneficial to the guy. It shows him that you want to try new things and you want to please him in the best of your ability. As for the Anne Geddes art, it is rediculous to judge someone on the art they like. It's like if they judged the male on what video game they played, or the fact that they even play video games. The author is basically saying that if you like Anne Geddes, just run. That person is not worth it. When, in fact, they could be the girl of his dreams. I agree with the condoms in the trash can and the pictures of the ex on the phone. This article is REDICULOUS. please find another job. seriously.