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As society hurtles ever closer to the end of all manners, male behavior in particular is disintegrating at a rapid pace.

Go out any evening, and you'll find one guy trying to get you and your best friend to kiss, another regurgitating on the sidewalk out front and another debating whether he'd rather eff the three-breasted alien from "Total Recall" or the blue, serpentine woman from "X-Men."

And so we're compelled to offer the following guy primer. Enjoy -- and then leave a comment letting us know what we left out.

Guys, if you're left wondering how to behave, check out these rules from our brother site Asylum.

Please, Just Stop

    Urinate Look, maybe when you were a kid your mother thought it was adorable when you'd drop your little pants to take a pee in the backyard. But we're not your mother and the world isn't your lawn. Whip it in, boys.

    Joits, Flickr

    Regale Us With Tales of How Wasted They Got Last Night Guess who else has gotten totally smashed before? Everyone. You're boring and you smell like the floor. Shut up.

    elisfanclub, Flickr

    Say That They're Bringing the High Five Back (or that they're bringing anything "back" for that matter) I'm bringing disdain back...with a vengeance. Oh, and your tool box called...you got out again.

    Sveden, Flickr

    Talk About Fight Club This is a great book and movie that you ruin every time you open your mouth to say how much you'd like to join a fight club if only you hadn't just renewed your gym membership. You...are...Jack's...tiny...penis.

    20th Century Fox, Fight Club

    Say things like, "It's All Good" How about instead, you just say, "I'm not listening to you because I'm too busy thinking about the Phish bootleg I just bought on eBay"?

    mstephens7, Flickr

    Go Shirtless Look, this isn't an easy stance to take. Some of you guys look spectacular topless. But others...well, I just don't think we can afford to take chances anymore.

    SFBart, Flickr

    Refer to "Dropping the Kids Off at the Pool" or Any Other Euphemism for What They're Going to do in the Bathroom I also don't want to hear your blow by blow recount after you return from the bathroom. Call me uncultured that way.

    nullboy, Flickr

    Their Glenn Quagmire Impression Alright! Giggity! Giggity! Oh my god, you're, like, the FIRST guy I've ever heard do that! Do you like that one song from American Pie, too? You do? Oh, we simply MUST have a love affair!

    slingshotshirts.com

    Take a Magazine into the Bathroom at Work Do it at home. Do it at the sperm bank. Do not do it at the company that matches your 401(k).

    dannyman, Flickr

    Talk to Their Mothers What's the quickest way to a man's issues? Overhearing a phone call with mommy.

    Kriegerinhummel, Flickr