On Valentine's Day, couples pat themselves on the back for being just not-awful enough to convince someone else to spend significant amounts of time with them. And the rest of us are supposed to feel bad because we're not. We say, there are worse things than being alone this Saturday -- like being in a relationship, with no choice but to hemorrhage cash on a made-up holiday. So spread the Anti-Valentine's Day gospel with FREE e-cards from Heartless-Bitches.com. A dash of acerbic wit is all you need to cut through the schmaltz.

Celebrate your independence with even more singles-only deals:

Since you won't be sucking face, suck on some garlic. Delish has amazing garlic-centric recipes for FREE. Cozy up to an easy bowl of tomato-roasted garlic soup to keep all unwanted PDAs (and vampires) at bay.

Satisfy a sweet tooth without overdosing on saccharine sentiment: ThinkGeek's sarcastic candy hearts serve up just the amount of snark this holiday deserves. (Use coupon code DARWIN before Feb. 28 to save $5 off orders of $25+.)

Show someone the world through a new shade of rose-colored glasses with a dozen black silk roses delivered in a coffin-shaped case. For just $29.95, the symbolism says it all: Unlike a relationship, these flowers will never die.

If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with ... and if you're all alone on Heart Day, that means lovin' yourself. Pop on over to Babeland for -- ahem -- deep discounts on a variety of toys that buzz, pulse and twirl.