"My mother says I didn't open my eyes for eight days after I was born, but when I did, the first thing I saw was an engagement ring. I was hooked." -Liz Taylor



My ex-husband proved what a charmer he really was during the process of getting a divorce. An old friend of mine, Tim, had moved back into town, and I was the only person he knew, so we had been hanging out a lot. He decided he wanted to come see one of my daughters' softball games. Partway through the game, my ex showed up and decided it wasn't okay for Tim to be at that game. He tried to pick a fight with the fellow my girls had affectionately nicknamed "The Elf-like Dude." I guess he didn't take into account the fact that the Elf-like Dude had been picked on his entire life, and pretty soon my ex was on the ground getting his butt kicked by somebody who wasn't much larger than a troll. They had to cancel the game and send everybody home.

But what really takes the cake is the time my ex tried to run me over. He pulled into my driveway, ticked off about something. Instead of parking, he aimed the car for me and proceeded to chase me all the way across our yard and through the vacant lot next door. I don't know if you remember what a 1980 Oldsmobile Station Wagon looks like, but it was kind of like being pursued by a small tank. Fortunately he decided not to drive the car into the house.

-- Teri, Washington