Think lesbians don't have the same body issues straight girls do? Not true, says writer Margeaux Watson, whose recent piece, "I Kissed a Girl," in Marie Claire magazine reveals how being with another woman actually brought out body insecurities that she never had before.
Watson claims she was never self-conscious about her "large breasts, tiny waist, and curvaceous hips" when she dated men. But when she started hooking up with skinny chicks, her self-esteem nosedived. Instead of surrendering herself to the caresses of her bedmate, she began panicking over her extra pounds.
Watson says she made constant mental notes about how to hide her flab. "Keep back arched and stomach sucked in at all times; while lying down, bend legs to avoid unflattering thigh spread; whenever possible, sit upright to prevent breasts from running off in opposite directions," she writes. In fact, Watson's same-sex skinny girl experience left her so scarred she didn't kiss another woman for six years.
Click here to read about the surprising response to Watson's piece.
Some in the LGBT community are miffed that Watson chose to insert her insecurities into a topic that is so rarely covered in the mainstream media.
"This was not the piece I expected," says lesbian blogger Trish Bendix. "Even in a magazine for women who are concerned about the latest products to hide wrinkles before they've sprouted and how to smother imaginary fat rolls, I didn't think the idea of lesbian sex would present itself as yet another experience in which women would compare themselves."
Is "Accepting" a Stereotype Too?
But is Watson's sensitivity to her shape common in a community that is supposed to be "accepting?" Yes, says Kelly Leszczynski, managing editor of The Lesbian Lifestyle.
"I agree with the author for telling her story ... I can remember thinking that once I came out that my world would be flooded with women 'just like me' that would accept me for all that I am," she told Lemondrop.
"Ten years later, I can tell you that I was wrong," continues Leszczynski. "What I found was that the lesbian community in my area was riddled with cliques, drama and scandal. Some women check out other women just like men do. Hell, even I'm guilty of that. For whatever reason, even as hard as I try to fight it, my mind seems to be programmed to find thin, tall, model-type women the most attractive. I walk around all day feeling like a hypocrite because of it."
Focusing on the Wrong Thing
But blogger Renee Gannon, who publishes Lesbiatopia, doesn't think Watson is speaking for the majority of lesbians.
"In my experiences, lesbian women place less importance on physical beauty. Most have an appreciation for all shapes and sizes. When it comes to lesbian sex, there is something so intense and so powerful about connecting with another women's spirit that the last thing we are thinking about is the shape of our thighs or the amount of cellulite on our hips," says Gannon.
"This article is taking one woman's narrow perspective and rigid view of sexuality and applying it to a community of women who are so diverse and unique that the whole topic of body image being an issue just seems downright silly when you think about it."
Tell us: Was Watson wrong to harp on her hang-ups, or should she be lauded for showing that bad body image is not just a straight-girl thing?












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Tuesday 10 February
By rosebud
PRIVATE...Does THAT word mean anything any more?? I guess NOT, since SEX is every where. I don't give a rats behind to know what this persons or any other persons insecurities are or what caused them. My concerns are children that read this junk and get ideas that other wise they would never of had in the first place. What happened to Morals, Self Respect, and Self Esteem? If people still had Morals and Self Respect they would have Self Esteem. Right??
Less of our children committing suicide because they are confused about what gender they really are. A five year old boy walking down a street and see's a man dressed like a woman, What in the heck is that child going to think? Do you not think that child is going to ask questions because he is confused? As a grandparent to my five year old grandson what am suppose to say? Oh I can think of several things I would love to say, but of course that would not help my grandson. So out of love for him I have to choke back my anger and embarrasment for his sake and try to find the proper words to explain to him what he has just seen. What are we teaching our children these days with all this crap. When a child sees Daddy kiss Mommy that is a special thing to a child, BUT, when a child sees a woman kiss a woman or a man kiss a man that says some thing entirely differant. ( No Morals, No self respect) Personally I dont care what anyone does in their homes or bedrooms, but when it is in public it is being forced on our children and that concerns me deeply. Lets keep Private lives PRIVATE.
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Thursday 19 February
By Julia
Rosebud, I respect your concern for your grandchildren. Kids these days are being exposed to more sexual imagery at younger ages; and studies indeed show that children who watch television programs with promiscuity and violence are more likely to condone and even mimic such behaviors. However, I believe you gave the gay and transvestite community a little too much credit for sex in the media. The majority of sexual images in the media are of heterosexual, not homosexual, nature. And although kids and teens are somewhat apt to mimic what they see, a child does not "become" gay through exposure to gays or any other experience.
Gays are not "forcing" their lifestyles on heterosexuals. If anything, it's the other way around. Call me crazy, but I think your grandkid is better off "confused" than ignorant and hateful.
Tuesday 10 February
By Dar
Why are you bible bangers reading this 'smut' for anyways? Did you get lost on your way to a Christian scripture reading blog? Or is the homo in you trying to COME OUT and it's making you mad? At any rate, you wouldn't be 'throwing the first stone' if you were gay. Just mind your own business and realize that you are ignorant of something you really don't know anything about
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Friday 13 February
By KJ
TO ALL YOU THAT KEEP SAYING ITS NOT IN THE BIBLE, KEEP ON SAYING THE LIE. KEEP ON SINNING AND BEING DEFIANT. GOD IS WATCHING.
BTW, FOOLS. IT IS NOT """JUDGING""" TO CALL A SIN A SIN. STOP BEING MILITANT AND DEFIANT. CHRISTIANS CAN ONLY GIVE YOU OUR COMPASSION AND PRAYERS. CHRISTIANS ARE FAR FROM PERFECT...JUST FORGIVEN. TRY IT! !
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Thursday 19 February
By Julia
KJ, you are a hypocrite. How can you have "compassion" for someone you very clearly despise? I'm pretty sure the bible places hate above homosexuality on the "sin scale".
Sunday 15 February
By R O C K Y
How can you trust a woman who is bisexual? Suppose you fall in love w/her.......suppose the other woman doesen't accept a threesome and only wants her? A relationship like this will last for only a short time and the guy who is is love with that certain gal will evantually lose out. Thus, find another gal ..belive me, there are more woman out there than men.....just give yourself some time.
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Friday 20 February
By Courtney
ROCKY, what makes you think bisexual women all want threesomes? Why can't a bisexual woman be in a commited relationship?
Tuesday 17 February
By Clarissa
i am a christian but i believe that gays should have rights everybody sins. Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sins. If someone loves another from the same sex they cant help it and God will forgive them when they die. Anyways there are people out there that do things way worse than having sex with the same sex. One of those things would be not liking people who are LGBT because one of the ten commandments is to love your neighbor like yourself.
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Sunday 22 March
By rockin' J
First of all, this isn't a religion blog. Ignoring this whole web site might lower your blood pressure if you're sexually conservative for any reason.
But to the point: there are a couple of seemingly wrongheaded notions in the on-topic comments. It is wrong to assume that the author was speaking for other people. In the popular understanding "lesbians" are "mannish" and mannish people don't care about their looks. Both assertions are not true, and it's nice to see the popular media showing this instead of feeding on the unfair stereotypes.
It is also not true that worrying about your looks and being shallow about your partners go hand in hand. I have given the double take to women of many shapes and sizes, but I was determined to loose the weight I gained my first two years in college despite still being worthy of receiving the occasional second glance.
To answer the question posed by the title: I compare myself to a picture of Dominic Monaghan in a lady friend's bedroom. If, contrary to my "straight" MO, I woke up next to a guy that looked like him, I'd be making the same comparison.
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Monday 13 July
By Kim
This article surprized me; my opinion is the total opposite of Watson's. I have an 'average' body, but have always been insecure about my small butt, small breasts, and little tummy pooch. I'm bisexual, and when I had my first intimate encounter with another female recently, I became so much more comfortable with myself. Her body was pretty similar to mine and she had the same personal gripes that I did, but I very much enjoyed her body and thought she was beautiful. A change in the size of her breasts or waist or whatever else wouldn't have changed the way I felt about the experience; yet she was just as insecure about her body as I was. It hit me that this was probably how guys I had been with saw me. Being with another woman made me realize that in the past, guys that told me my body was fine WEREN'T just saying that; they honestly didn't care about the way I looked. I am now much LESS insecure and have confidence in my appearance.
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Wednesday 03 March
By Crystal
I've always thought I was crazy for wanting to try having sex with a female. I find myself telling boyfriends that I have no interest in girls because I'm scared that my boyfriend will pressure me into having a threesome with him and another girl. Every time I have a relationship with a guy (I've never had one with a girl) that ends in breakup, I always think to myself "maybe if I tried "it" with a girl I might find out my relationships with women are better and I may never really want to go back to a guy/girl relationship. I'm curious yet scared and I always wonder "what kind of lifestyle do they live; is there any way to keep it quiet until I'm ready. Right now, I'm married to a much older guy and am having problems with making sure he doesn't find out (seems like he can sense it or something, though), because I make it out like it's wrong, when deep down I want to try it. I don't know where I can try it without someone finding out and criticizing me for it and I don't even know how to start a relationship like that. I think it would be better if someone were to make a move on me but I don't think I'm that attractive. Also, I have a baby daughter that would probably make it a little difficult for me to get out there away from just to try it. He's told me he used to have friends who told him they were gay, and when they did he was still friends with them, but I'm still scared. I even have to try to keep myself from giving in to the people who find out we're married and have a problem with it. I really want to try it but I'm really scared something bad will happen out of it (like maybe we don't work out and she knows I'm insecure and she's mad at me so she tells everyone. I would like someone to give me their opinion on what to do: Should I keep it to myself and remain curious like I have been since about late grade school. I used to think back then that it'll eventually subside but though it does, it just keeps coming back. If you don't think so, then 1. I'll need to know how to spot a lesbian/bisexual that is single. 2. I need to know how to tell if she might be interested. 3. I'll have to know how to drop hints that I'm interested OR I'll need to ask her if she's interested without coming on too strong or inappropriately (which I don't know how to ask) and without anybody else finding out or her ending up not being one and telling everyone else she knows. As you might be able to tell, I've had time to think about it and have thought about it alot. Also, the closest I've come to talking about this is when I just mentioned it in passing to my brother, who I'm close to (but later on I acted like I had lost interest in trying it. As of now, nobody who knows me knows for sure, although they might suspect.
I know I tend to get along better with women than I do guys and I wonder if this is why. I did talk to my mom about this before she passed away and asked her if she ever had tried it and she told me she did and I asked her how she ended up trying it and she said it was something that just basically happened. I believe that she had only tried it once. The curiosity of it got me to wonder about doing it with her. After I thought about it some more, I thought "now that's really bad to be thinking about that, especially with the woman who gave birth to me. I tend to criticize myself for wondering about having sex with another female. I often think/would think to myself "I need help" for thinking that, like I need some kind of counseling. I figure since it's been over 10 years of curiosity, I should probably just try it. Please help with how to go about it so that I can at least put my mind at ease. Much thanx.
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